Keep Your Heart Broken
by qfd
Summary: A day in the life of Sidney Crosby can never be just ordinary but sometimes a good deed leads to unexpected results. The question is, does love at first sight really exist and if it does, will Sidney have the patience to make it work?
1. Chapter 1

Days go by like the wind

And this life is too short  
It makes no sense to give in  
To release you from my thoughts. (from Keep Your Heart Broken by the Rasmus)

"Dogs are wise. They crawl away into a quiet corner and lick their wounds and do not rejoin the world until they are whole once more" Agatha Christie

"Animals are reliable, many full of love, true in their affections, predictable in their actions, grateful and loyal. Difficult standards for people to live up to." Alfred A. Montapert

"Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms." George Eliot

C1

Running her hand down the reed thin leg of the skittish colt, Meagan felt for any signs of misshapen or broken bones, her eyes closed, letting her fingertips tell her mind anything she needed to know. The colt's heart was beating quickly and it shuffled warily in the straw. Not that it was afraid, just that everything was novel to the newborn and she was just one more smell it didn't recognize. The mare breathed slowly and evenly, and was the only reason the colt wasn't even more skittish. Snowbird was used to the sight and scent of the dark haired vet and besides, the mare knew about the sugar cubes she kept in her pocket. As a vet, Meagan knew the sugar wasn't the kind of treat you should give a horse, but Snow was a special case.

"He's lovely Snow," she smiled, straightening and digging into her pocket for the special treat, putting two of the cubes in the flat of her palm and holding them up for the mare to take. She grinned at the tickle of the mare's soft muzzle against her hand, the velvet lips parting to take the cubes, exploring her hand for more, her warm breath blowing over skin. The colt raised his head and sniffed at the vet's hand, wondering what his mother found so interesting there. Meagan smiled as his soft muzzle searched her over, finding the empty pocket and giving it a nudge. "No, none of those for you. You stick with mom for a while. Maybe in a few months huh?" she added, stroking her hand along the white blaze on the colt's forehead. He stood still for a moment and then turned and wobbled on his still weak legs until he reached his mother's side, and began nuzzling the mare's still swollen belly. "I'll leave you to it huh mom?" Meagin grinned at mother and son, even as the emptiness filled her own belly, making tears prick at the corners of her eyes. "Is this ever going to get any easier Snow?" she sighed, taking a deep breath, letting the familiar warm smells of fresh hay and warm horseflesh soothe her rattled nerves. Sometimes the accident seemed a long time ago, and sometimes, like today, it seemed like yesterday.

Taking one last deep breath Meagin reached up to brush the tears away as she pushed the gate of the stall open before she turned to head back into the house and ran head long into the solidity of a wide male chest.

Putting her hands out to stop from falling, her fingers spread out over the rock-hard expanse of a set of wide male shoulders encased in a soft cashmere sweater. He was taller than she was and smelled nothing like horses so she knew that this definitely wasn't Billy from next door, although he was known to hang out in her barns and offer to help sometimes.

"Can I help you?" she managed to stutter reminding herself that she was supposed to be here to help the locals and not to just tend to her own animals, and found herself looking up into a pair of hazel eyes rimmed by long black eyelashes that would be the envy of any model, any woman for that matter. Biting the inside of her cheek she tried not smile as he blinked back at her, but it was too late. The same immediate attraction she was feeling showed in his gaze as he held her at arms' length.

"A dog...was hit...in my car," he tried to explain pointing back towards the driveway while still blinking at her in what looked a lot like disbelief. With a roll of her green eyes Meagin squared her shoulders as she got her bearings. Helping a dog was something she could deal with, flirt with a guy with dark wavy hair and a wide sensuous mouth that smelled like expensive cologne was something she definitely could not deal with this early in the morning, if ever.

"You hit the dog?" she asked, reaching for her medical bag and pulling the gate shut behind her and latching it with her free hand.

"No!" he insisted, sounding shocked somehow that she would think so. "I mean, I saw the guy who hit him but he just drove off," he continued rapidly, falling easily into step beside her as she marched toward the driveway. Meagin had a moment to smile to herself as she glanced up at him.

Good, she thought, I'd hate to think a guy with eyes that kind would do something like hit a dog.

* * *

When the guy at the gas station had directed him to the house at the end of the road, the last thing Sidney had thought he'd find was a curvy little brunette with bright red lips and deep green eyes. He'd been worried about the dog and worried about being late for his meeting. Still, when he'd seen her standing ankle deep in the straw of the horse stall running her hands over the spindly legged colt, all those worries had sped straight out of his mind.

Even through the fleece jacket with a hoodie underneath, jeans and rubber boots he could see she was built like a Playboy centerfold, and then she'd turned around. Without a stitch of make up on and her long dark hair pulled back in a cute pair of pig tails, she was a knock out. He'd hardly been able to get out the reason he was in her barn when she'd asked, his brain was way too busy undressing her. But now she was practically accusing him of hitting the dog and that snapped his brain back to business.

"No!" He cried, ready to argue the point like he would with a ref on a bad call. "I mean, I saw the guy who hit him but he just drove off," he continued, suddenly finding himself needing this curvy little woman to believe him. He even felt relieved when she glanced over at him and he thought he could see just the hint of a smile play across her full pink lips.

He watched with interest as she walked up to his SUV, not even pausing to ask permission as she flipped open the hatch. He was used to people giving him a wide berth, or at least having someone keep people from touching his car and here this woman was crawling into his vehicle without so much as looking back at him. In fact, she'd looked right at him but at no point did he see even the smallest inkling of awareness of who he was.

"I see you found her," Colby grinned back at him over the back seat, his knowing eyes sweeping over the woman now bent over the injured dog laid out on his jacket. He watched the dog wag the tip of its' tail weakly as she bent over him speaking softly, her hands running quickly and expertly over its' body. He found himself feeling jealous of the dog.

"Was this the side he was hit on?" she asked, not looking up at either of them, her voice light but holding an edge that made the question sound like a command.

"Sort of more like a bum rush," Colby leered at her, his eyes raking over her perfect skin, the curve of her back, down to the wings of what looked like a butterfly just visible between the waist band of her jeans and the top of her fleece jacket. Sid's gaze stuck there, and the thoughts in his head made his mouth go dry.

"Poor little guy," she cooed, carefully and slowly running her hands down the dog's back legs and Sid felt an answering shiver run down the back of his thighs. "I think one of his legs is broken," she sighed, stretching as she straightened, a silver moon dangling from her belly button flashing as she stretched her arms over her head before tugging her hoodie back down to cover the golden coloured flesh. "Can you guys carry him inside?" The glance she sent Sid made him duck his head to try and hide the heat that was rising in his face. She knew he'd been staring, and she clearly wasn't impressed.

* * *

Meagan felt her cheeks heat as she turned to head for the house. She hadn't intentionally given those guys a show, in fact it was the farthest thing from her mind, but she hadn't done all of her chores yet this morning and she was sore from sleeping on the cot in the infirmary. It seemed crazy, considering she was wrapped up like a mummy and she didn't have a stitch of make up on, but they had been looking and what's more, they'd been looking like they appreciated the view.

Giving herself a little shake, she dismissed the idea from her mind. She couldn't think about that now, there was an animal that needed her help, and no matter how gorgeous the dark haired sex god was, that dog was her priority. Besides, she told herself as she watched his considerable muscles flex beneath his almost too tight sweater as they put the Golden Retriever down on the examination table, there was no way a guy that hot would be single anyway.

Willing herself not to look at him and not to feel his eyes watching her as she tossed her jacket in the corner, followed by her hoodie, she concentrated on what she had to do, in what order and tried to forget about the two men crowding her surgery.

"Need some help Em?" Meagan looked up gratefully to see her friend Tess pushing her way through the door, sizing up both men, and lastly looking down at the dog who tapped the end of its' golden tail weakly on the table.

"Yeah, I'll need some plaster mixed up," she began, reaching for a splint in one of the drawers and some gauze to tie it with. What she wanted was to have Tess see the two men out, especially the stockier darker one. He made her feel...uncomfortable, and in a way that was no longer familiar to her, but she knew it would just be rude to dismiss them out of hand especially after they'd actually stopped to help an animal in need. "Can you keep him quiet while I put some things together?" she asked, glancing up into his hazel eyes, feeling that immediate warmth wash over her as he smiled and nodded. "Good, I'll be right back," she promised, putting her head down and rushing out of the room after Tess.

"Nice," Tess grinned as she reached over Meagan's head for the powder to begin mixing the plaster as Meagan turned on the tap and reached for a measuring cup.

"The Golden?" Meagan began, knowing full well that wasn't what Tess was talking about, but something in her gut told her now wasn't the time to be gossiping about the thickly muscled God in the next room.

"Yeah, of course you would _only_ notice the dog," Tess sighed dramatically, upending the box of powder into the bowl of water as Meagan began to mix. The sarcasm in her friend's voice stung, but she knew it was well deserved. For anyone that had only known her a few months, like Tess, it would probably seem like she didn't take any interest at all in the two legged upright variety of mammals. After all, ever since the accident she just hadn't had the energy to even think about dating, let alone a relationship, even of the overnight kind. But then there hadn't been any high cheek boned dimpled hot guys smiling at her either. Or maybe she just hadn't been aware of any, but then, she was sure if she'd seen him before, she felt sure she would have noticed.

* * *

When she came back in with the bowl and bandages, their eyes locked over the length of the dog's body and for the first time that tender smile that made her eyes light up was for him as he stroked his hands along the dog's neck and shoulders, trying to keep the animal calm. Her gruff all business exterior melted for a moment as he bent over the dog, whispering soft encouraging words and he felt the warmth of her smile right down to his groin.

Damn she was fine. Now that she'd shrugged off her baggy garments, he was getting an eyeful of her high round breasts through the tank top, and as she moved, he kept getting glimpses of that shimmering piece of jewellery hanging from her belly button. He'd ignored Army's choice comments when she'd left. He hadn't needed any prompting to watch her round little ass sway as she left the room and he didn't need reminding now to look at her ample cleavage as she bent over her work, her gaze levelling on the Golden's knee joint, feeling along the slender bones for the break.

He felt the dog jerk under his hands and felt her gaze on him as he tried to hold the dog down without hurting him and without getting his hands anywhere near its mouth. Not that it had tried to bite him. Somehow the dog seemed to know that they were only trying to help but he wouldn't blame it if it did take a chunk out of him. He certainly knew what it felt like to have a trainer pulling on parts that hurt and more than once he'd wanted to take a chunk out of one of the trainers.

Kneeling, he looked into the dog's big brown eyes and spoke quietly to it while she quickly set the bone. He saw the pain in the poor pup's eyes but it held still under his hands this time and when he looked up again, she was giving him another one of those warm considering smiles that, if he'd had one, would have made him want to wag his tail for her. He watched her wrap the leg with the wet plaster covered bandages, watched her smooth them with swift expert passes of her fingers and he found himself biting his lip to stop from moaning out loud.

"That should keep him for a while," she sighed, looking down at her handiwork for a moment before turning to run her hands under the water in a nearby sink while her assistant removed the bowl and remains of the plaster. Sid caught her glance, a quick elevator look with her dark eyes behind the rims of her glasses and was surprised that he felt relieved. She obviously knew who he was. It made him wonder if she'd filled in her boss, but as she backed out of the door and the shapely vet turned around to look at him, he didn't get the feeling that she had. "Can you write down for me the intersection you found him at? He might have a microchip I can pass on to the local shelters."

Sid found himself jumping to take the pen from her hand, and it was only as he put the pen down on the pharmacy pad she'd shoved in his direction that he realized she hadn't asked for his phone number but that's what he was writing down. His hand paused over the pad, a grin of sheer disbelief tugging at the corners of his lips. He didn't even know this woman and she was getting under his skin in the best possible way, and the worst. He was going to be leaving for the 'Burgh in a few days. Now wasn't the time to be starting anything and yet...

* * *

"I'd like to stop by later and check in on him, if that's okay?" he asked sheepishly as he handed her the paper he'd torn from the pad, stuffing the extra page he'd taken with it in the back pocket of his jeans, the one with her name and the phone number of the clinic on it.

"Sure," she shrugged, turning back to her charge to hide the blazing heat in her cheeks as she pushed the piece of paper he'd given her onto the counter behind her. He'd given her his phone number before what she'd asked for, almost like the intersection had been an after thought. So it wasn't her imagination, he was definitely hitting on her. "Umm, thank you," she managed glancing up at him to find his hazel eyes waiting for hers, an answering pinkness in his own young cheeks.

"Oh you're jacket," Tess moaned, re-entering the room without a spot on her uniform, which made Meagan look down at her tank top and jeans dotted with drying plaster. She never could keep her self presentable and Tess never failed to. "I'll see what I can do with it, when he's ready to move," she promised smiling brightly at the dark haired one. What did he write on that piece of paper? Meagan shook her head. If she looked at it again she'd seem interested and she wasn't, she couldn't be.

"Don't worry about it, he's got lots," the hawk nosed friend interjected with a grin and as he headed for the doors. "Coming Sid? We're already late buddy," he added with a smirk as he watched his friend pause at the other end of the table, his hand going to the thick golden ruff and giving the dog a last pat.

"So I'll...see you later?" he asked hopefully, his gaze holding Meagan's for long enough that it felt like her heart was trying to climb out of her throat and into her mouth so she could spit it at his feet. What was it about his long lashes and soft pink lips that turned her into a blithering idiot.

"I'm always here," she managed, turning abruptly away and willing him to leave so that she could breathe again. She heard the door close and listened for the sound of the outer door to the clinic closing before she let go of the edge of the counter.

"Nice catch girlfriend," Tess giggled, sliding her hands under the Golden as he began to stir and try to slide off of the table.

"I'd say I don't know what you're talking about," Meagan sighed, glancing over at where the slightly crumpled piece of paper was staring back at her, "but I don't suppose you'd believe me."

"I'd say I can't believe you don't know who that was, but I know where your brain has been for the last couple of years," Tess grumbled, lifting the Golden off of the table and backing into the door. "A little help here?" Meagan gave her head a shake and followed Tess down the hall to the indoor cages, bending to open one of the big ones on the floor before turning to fill a water bowl.

"So you're saying you weren't just making eyes at him because he was _incredibly _hot?" Meagan offered, carrying the water bowl carefully over to the cage and kneeling to slide it inside before reaching for the Golden's velvet soft ear again to write the number of the tattoo she'd glimpsed inside.

"Like you didn't notice," Tess coughed sarcastically. "I find it hard to believe but I know you don't read the paper and if it doesn't have fur you don't pay any attention to it but he's pretty famous around here," Tess continued, reaching into one of the cages to pull out one of the cats that was in for boarding, cradling it to her chest and running her hands over its' ebony fur.

"Famous?" Meagan repeated, writing the last number before slowly and a little reluctantly closing the cage door.

"He's only a Canadian icon. You must be the only woman under the age of...I don't know, _dead_, that doesn't know who he is," Tess continued, following Meagan to her office and leaning in the doorway while she pulled out the numbers of the local shelters and rescue societies.

"So who is he Tess? Because you can do this twenty questions thing all day and I still won't know," Meagan reached to begin dialling the phone before Tess reached in front of her with one hand to shake the mouse in front of the screen and with one hand aimed at it her favourites list.

"I can't believe I've worked here with you this long and you haven't even caught on," Tess muttered impatiently while the screen changed to a black and gold one with flashing icons and dissolving pictures. Meagan watched the pictures change in front of her until she snatched the mouse out of Tess's fingers and aimed it herself.

"Him?" she said quietly, calling up a picture of a young dark haired hockey player kneeling close to a tiny blonde haired boy, holding a plaque and smiling. "That's him?" she heard herself repeating.

"Sidney Crosby, yeah," Tess shook her head at her and made a 'tsking' sound before turning and heading back to the cages to continue with her morning chores, leaving Meagan gazing at the screen, shuffling through the pictures online.


	2. Chapter 2

C2

She answered the door in a t-shirt and a pair of fuzzy pyjama bottoms with some kind of Hallowe'en theme printed on them. Her hair was down, lying in thick dark waves around her shoulders, falling softly against her cheeks, and he found himself having to actually concentrate on keeping his hands at his sides when all he wanted to do was run his fingers through the deep chestnut waves, to bury his face in it and inhale the clean warm scent of it. Yes he could smell the bleach and ammonia, and even the warm musky smell of the animals, but the clean warm scent of her filled his senses and the other aromas just sort of disappeared as she stood before him. Her eyes met his with more caution than they had this morning but she moved aside to let him in anyway, locking the door behind him.

"You're here late. I wasn't sure you'd still be here," he lied. He'd sat out in the parking lot for a while watching the lights go on and off in the house trying to work up the courage to knock on the door.

"We keep drugs here, it's safer," she explained, heading through the tiled waiting room and down the corridor to an open door from which the light from a reading light fell in a soft glow. "He's doing pretty well actually," she continued, dropping to the floor beside the open cage where the Golden was lying on a thread bare towel wagging its' tail weakly. "He was trying to get around earlier but he's still a little out of it so I'm trying to keep him calm."

"He's a beautiful dog," Sid smiled, squatting beside the dog and running his fingers through its' thick coat. "Anyone call for him yet?"

"No," she sighed, her fingers coming close to his before sweeping along his spine and down to his tail. "But they will. He's been well taken care of. Someone's missing him tonight for sure," she smiled, giving the dog a scratch between the ears.

"You're...sleeping here?" he asked, eyeing the cot set up across the room.

"I figure he's probably not used to sleeping alone," she explained, shrugging her shoulders but refusing to meet his gaze again. Glancing over to the cot, the hairs on the back of Sid's neck stood up. He couldn't deny the x-rated thoughts that had been running through his head all afternoon, and seeing where she slept wasn't helping. Neither was the pyjama bottoms riding low on her hips, or the tight white t-shirt that made it obvious that she wasn't wearing a bra.

"I...uh...wanted to offer to pay for your uh...services," he stuttered, trying to force the thoughts of touching her warm tanned skin and kissing her plump red lips out of his mind.

"There's no need," she smiled briefly at him as she climbed to her feet. "Like I said, he's been well taken care of, loved. Someone will come for him in the next couple of days, I'm sure of it, and I'm sure that they'll be happy to pay." Her gaze met his for a moment and then she turned away, but not before he was sure that he'd seen her cheeks begin to turn a deep and very becoming shade of pink.

* * *

Every time he looked at her Meagan felt her blood begin to heat and it felt strange. Good, but strange. She wasn't used to feeling like this, had _never_ felt like this. She'd already felt attracted to him this morning out in the barn, the way he smelled, the way his hands felt around hers', the width of his shoulders and those full sensuous lips. But after spending half her morning looking at pictures of him on the internet, shirtless pictures of him, it was more than a little difficult to look him in the eye without turning a shade best described as tomato.

He wasn't making it any easier either. In fact, every time she looked up his gaze was locked on her mouth, like he was thinking about kissing her and that was definitely making it hard to keep her expression neutral, knowing full well she was thinking about exactly the same thing.

The snug fitting jeans and the t-shirt pulling across his pecs wasn't helping to keep her thoughts pure either. Now that she knew what was under that t-shirt all she wanted to do was run her fingers over the tight toned skin, the smooth hairless chest. That was what she wanted, but what she needed was for him to leave. Being alone with him was definitely not a good idea. She wasn't sure she liked the urges rising in her and she was sure she couldn't trust herself not to act on them if he kept looking at her like he was right now.

"It was nice of you to stop by," she glanced back at him as she led him toward the hall, hoping he'd take the hint and leave her alone to her miserable little existence. She already had enough complications, she didn't need more, and he would add more; lots, lots more. "I'm sure you've got places to be, people to see," she began, walking into the hall before turning to glance back at him, because he was nice to look at it and it was just too much of a temptation not to look.

He was leaning in the doorway, his dark curls falling into his forehead, looking at her through the dark tangle of his hair, and Meagan felt her heartbeat treble. God he was hotter than Brad Pitt when he did that; hotter than Ville Valo and David Beckham put together. Licking her lips she turned back around with every intention of leading him back out to the parking lot and saying good night, but she couldn't help it, she needed just one more look.

* * *

If she turned around one more time she wanted him as he much as he wanted her. That's what Sid told himself as he waited in the doorway, refusing to take the hint that her lips were uttering when her smouldering glances told another story entirely. Not that he was the kind of guy to just give in to his carnal nature, not usually, not _ever_ actually. Not that he hadn't had his fair share of girls; it was kind of hard not to when women usually made a habit out of throwing themselves at him.

Not this one though. This woman was doing her best to fight the tractor beam he could feel between them that was tugging him to her and her to him. But every time she turned those big green eyes on him, he could feel her undressing him with her gaze and for once in his life, he liked it.

Usually he found it distasteful when women did that but then they were usually so obvious about it, like her assistant earlier, with the long lingering gaze. Not Meagan Raferty AVMA AALAS whatever that meant. He'd been saying her name to himself over and over today. Meagan. He liked the sound of it. It sounded strong and sure and he imagined himself calling out her name, but shortening it to just Meg. Meg and Sid, sitting in a tree...

There it was again, that lace like pattern at the small of her back winking at him over the waist band of her pyjama bottoms. It was calling out to him as surely as the bounce of her chestnut waves on her shoulders, or the arch of her bare instep. He wanted to kiss every inch of her, to run his hands over her copper toned skin, tug on that shiny dangle hanging from her belly button with his teeth. He'd done almost nothing but think about all of the things he'd like to do to her all day and it wasn't like him. He never let his mind wander during meetings, unless it was to thoughts of hoisting the Stanley Cup and those thoughts had been too painful of late to indulge in.

Maybe that was it, he told himself as he watched her hips sway down the hallway. He was still looking for something to take away the pain of losing the Cup. He wasn't one to drink or dabble in drugs and the loss to Detroit had been eating at him. He could lose himself in her, he was sure of it. If only she'd just turn around he thought, almost ready to give up as she got further from him than he could reach.

Then she glanced over her shoulder and the consideration in her gaze made his heart do the ba boom boom against his chest that left him gasping for breath.

* * *

Any man laid a finger on Meagan at their peril, except, apparently, Sidney Crosby. She looked down at his fingers curling around her wrist and up into those hazel eyes and found that she was smiling. She fought the urge to actually reach up and run her fingers over her mouth to double check, but she was sure that she was smiling. He, on the other hand, looked a little uncomfortable and a little out of breath as he tugged her to him.

She could wriggle out of his grasp and hit one of the emergency buttons that she'd had installed that would trip the alarm and have the police here in no time. She could, but looking up into those hazel eyes, she didn't want to. She wasn't sure what she wanted, _exactly_, but she really didn't want him to leave, she knew that much.

What she _did_ want was to kiss those pillow soft bubble gum pink lips of his, and as if he could read her mind, he bent his head down as his other hand cupped her cheek and she knew she was going to get her wish. He was going to kiss her, and she already knew she was going to like it, very much.

She hadn't been kissed in a long time, except maybe by the occasional affectionate pooch. She could remember kissing Brad, but like so many other things since the accident, the memory of that kind of thing had faded, whether she wanted it to or not. So she remembered kissing, but she couldn't remember if it felt like this, if it made her go to her tiptoes to press her lips harder against his or if it made her heart beat so hard against her chest it felt like she was having a heart attack or if it made her moan when his lips worked hers' open and his tongue curled around hers'.

Part of her felt like a traitor to Brad's memory, a little part, somewhere deep in the dark recesses of her mind. That part of her stiffened when his hand moved from her wrist to the exposed skin at the small of her back and pulled her tighter against him. That part of her was the part that was afraid if this went any further she'd forget what Brad felt like, what he smelled like, what his hands felt like on her skin. So many nights she'd lain awake with her eyes squeezed shut, remembering, bringing him back. But that had been part of the reason in moving here, part of being all the way across the country. It was time to move on. That's what everyone told her. She was too young for widow's weeds, too young to hide herself away from the rest of the world. Too young to still be in mourning.

But it had been so long since anyone had touched her like this, she wasn't sure she knew what to do.

* * *

Her lips tasted like candy, or maybe those chips that Messier did the ads for. Once he started kissing her he didn't think he could ever stop. Even when he felt her tense, felt her start to pull away from him, he couldn't pull himself off of her, did not want to separate himself from the feel of her warm skin, did not want to stop tasting her, exploring her mouth.

He'd never been one for drugs. He'd earned his goody two shoes reputation by being uptight and focussed to the exclusion of every type of junk food, every candy, every decadent desert and definitely every illegal drug, and even some over the counter pharmaceuticals that dulled his perception, made him sleepy or sluggish. But her lips could have been coated with crack, the breath from her lungs filled with weed, her touch injected with LSD. She was addictive and he didn't want to let her go.

Sliding his hand down her back he found those lacy lines dissecting her skin raised under his fingers and he traced them with his fingertips while he pulled her to him. He was rock hard already. His knew that his need was obvious as he pressed it against her stomach. He didn't care if it made him seem needy, he was past that as he dug his fingers into her hair, feeling its' silky softness cascade over his hand as he tipped her head so he could kiss his way down her ivory neck to her collarbone.

Her skin tasted like vanilla icing. Running his tongue up the curve of her neck to the shell of her ear, he felt like he was licking the icing off of a cupcake. Finding her red lips again was like biting the cherry on top and it was so good it made him moan out loud.

He felt her twine her arms around his neck and he took it as a green light, lifting her effortlessly off her feet and carrying her into the examination room. Kicking the door open he deposited her onto the table, stepping between her thighs before hungrily reaching for the hem of her t-shirt. Her hands met his there, covering his, and he found himself looking up into her big doe like eyes.

She was afraid. He could see it clearly in the way her gaze searched his. She was frightened yes, but as hot for him as he was for her.

Lifting each of her hands in his, he kissed first the backs and then the palms of her hands, gently, reverently, before putting them on his shirt, inviting her to do the honours.

* * *

Her hands shook as she slid them beneath the thick soft cotton of his t-shirt. She knew that when she touched his skin, when she felt the ripple of his chiselled abdominal muscles under her fingertips that she would lose the last of her defences, that he would race past her inhibitions and that he would erase the feeling of Brad's every touch, every kiss, and the memory of every night spent in his arms.

Looking up into his eyes she could see patience mixed with pure desire and a surprising vulnerability that made her heart ache deep in the dark pit she had kept it in all these long months. She felt his hand curl around her chin, watched his hazel eyes send her a message that she could take as much time as she needed as she felt his lips cover hers' in a long soft tender kiss that curled her toes.

Sliding her hands up under his shirt, she felt his muscles bunch and flex as she her fingers explored the smooth solid skin. She was so busy exploring every divot, every hill and valley of each rib that she hardly noticed when he pulled the t-shirt over his head. But she felt his arms wrap around her, felt the sureness of them, the strange safety they represented as he offered his lips to hers' again.

She lost herself in the long heated kisses as he ran his hands up under her t-shirt, over her shoulders, holding her close as he pressed the width of his chest to hers. She felt how big his hands where as they held her. She felt how wide his shoulders were as she dug her fingers into them. She felt how warm his skin was, how soft his lips, how strong he was as he held her close. She felt how much he wanted her as he pulled her closer, sliding his hands beneath her ass, tilting her so that he could rub himself against her, making urgent sounds in his throat as his thick pulsing need rubbed against the very core of the heat boiling between her thighs.

Raising her arms over her head, she watched his greedy eyes widen as he tugged her t-shirt up and over her breasts. She felt the cool air pull at her nipples, hardening them before he slid his hands beneath her breasts, testing their weight in his hands before he lifted one to his mouth, his lips closing around her nipple, tearing a wail from her lips as she curled her fingers around the edge of the table.

He moved from one to the other, being sure to spend equal time on each, licking, sucking and nibbling until Meagan was sure she'd never breathe normally again. Stars filled her eyes and she wetness pooled between her legs.

Digging her fingers into his thick dark hair she heard herself whimper his name.

* * *

He felt light headed. All the blood in his body had gone quickly south. He wanted her so badly it actually hurt but as much as it hurt, he wouldn't give in to the urge to ravage her. He wanted to taste all of her, and he wanted to take his time about it. Never in his life could he remember wanting a woman this much, this suddenly. Yes he'd had women, plenty of women, and yes he had his fair share of one night stands, but not like this. Not when he cared about how she felt, not when he cared about her, period.

And he did care even though he wasn't sure why. Maybe it was the haunted look in her eyes that made him want to be compassionate with her. Maybe it was that she seemed to need his reassurance. But he did care, and the way she whimpered his name made him feel good, feel strong. He liked the way she clung to him, the way she seemed to trust him as he eased her back onto the table as he kissed his way down to her navel, as he tugged at that glittering silver quarter moon with his teeth as he eased his hands beneath her and worked off her pyjama bottoms.

He felt like he was going to burst, and the sight of her all pink and warm and wet almost sent him over the edge. The smell of her need filled his head and he dove in happily, pressing her thighs apart as he dug his tongue into her slick folds. He felt her fingers in his hair, heard her cry out as he ran the flat of tongue from her hot wet entrance to the hard little nub of her clit and it made him smile. He wanted her to cum more than he cared if he did or not. Something in him sensed it was important, that _she_ was important.

He felt the quiver in her thighs, felt her fingers tense around his head, heard her cry out as she came. He stood, looking down at her as her hands fell to her sides, her eyes shut tight, her lips open, her entire body glowing with pleasure. She looked even more beautiful now than she had earlier.

She still didn't have any make up on. Maybe he had tasted a hint of lip gloss earlier, but now her lips were pink and swollen from kissing, and as her wide child like eyes opened, he thought she didn't need any of that mascara and eyeliner that women wore. She was perfect without any of that stuff.

Unbuckling his belt and slipping his jeans off of his hips, he groaned with the release of his cock from its denim prison. For a moment he gripped her hips to stop himself from stumbling, but then her fingers wrapped around his swollen dick and gently guided it inside and then he truly felt like his knees might give way beneath him.

Her pussy sucked at him, her muscles pulling him deeper as he slid between her thighs until he could go no further. She was so warm and so wet he could have slid right out again but she wrapped her legs around his waist and he could feel her holding him inside and stars like little white dots began to dance at the edges of his vision.

Digging his fingers into the soft yielding flesh of her hips, he pulled her to him and pushed deeper, pulling her hips off of the table so he could thrust deeper. He watched with fascination as she arched her back off of the table, her fingers gripping its edge as she pushed up against him and her body met his with a solid yet wet sound. He had to bite down on his lip, hard, feeling the pain chase back the orgasm. He didn't want this to end, not yet, not any time soon.

* * *

She pushed against him, feeling his body meet hers with a satisfying sound. She felt like he was going to split her in two he was so big and yet he seemed to fit inside of her perfectly. Like she was the lock and he was the only key. She heard herself tell him to go faster, harder and could hardly believe the words were coming out of her mouth.

She'd never been like this before; this uninhibited, this forward, this _crazy_. In fact, she couldn't remember doing it even one time with the light on before. Not that the light was on, exactly but the light from the hall, the light outside from the highway and the light pouring in from the full moon were more than enough to make it seem like day light, albeit silver daylight. She never really remembered doing this with her eyes open either, but she couldn't stop looking at him; looking at his biceps bunching as he held her hips off of the table, at his six-pack rippling with each thrust, at the way his thick hard cock stretched her pussy lips wide, at her own juices making him slick and shiny in the moonlight.

She felt the muscles in the small of her back tense as she came again, heard her voice wailing as the orgasm threatened to rip her in two. She felt him tense, felt him hold himself still even as her body clenched and sucked at him. She forced her eyes to open, to admire his control and accept the soft look in his eyes as he watched her shudder beneath him. He deserved to watch the results of his handiwork. He was, in a word, amazing.

Dragging herself up, she wrapped her arms around his neck and offered her lips to his. He kissed her softly but thoroughly, his tongue wrapping around hers' as he began to move inside of her again, short gentle thrusts. She wanted him close, wanted to feel all of the solid maleness of him as he filled her and he responded by lifting her from the edge of the table, his hands cupping her ass as he pushed himself up into her. It was awkward and not as satisfying as the long hard strokes he'd been able to do with her lying on the table, but she liked the feeling of his chest pressed against hers', liked the feel of his hands under her, his arms around her. It felt safe, it felt right and she had a moment to think that was a strange thought, but then her back was slammed up against the wall as he thrust himself inside of her so deep that any and all thoughts disappeared from her mind entirely.

All she could do was hold on as he drilled himself into her with long hard thrusts that forced the breath from her lungs. She was along for the ride, she grinned to herself, but what a ride it was!

* * *

He was past the point of thinking clearly as he pushed her up against the wall. There was only one goal now, to fill her completely and to get there as soon as possible. It felt so good inside of her, so tight, so hot and yet as hard as he pushed, as fast as he thrust, he couldn't quite get there. It just felt too good, and he wanted to keep going. Every time he thought he wouldn't be able to hold out for one more minute, he would feel the soft press of her breasts against his chest and he would think about that for long enough that the orgasm ebbed again, and then he would madly slam against her until he was sure he was going to finish, and then he'd feel the pinch of that little dangle somewhere against his abs and he'd worry about it cutting him long enough that the wave would ebb away again.

He knew he'd never felt this way before. Not with any of the women he'd been with. Women, girls, there'd been enough of both that he knew the difference. Some of the guys on the team thought he was lucky to have older, more experienced women slip him hotel room keys like he was some kind of junior gigolo. He'd certainly enjoyed learning from them. They always smelled good, took good care of themselves, and were less inhibited than the younger girls that chased him. Sometimes he let those girls catch him, and they were certainly flexible and inexhaustible, and he enjoyed them too, but he couldn't say that any of those encounters felt like this. This, this was different and he wasn't sure why but he didn't have time to think about it. He was starting to see in tunnel vision and he wasn't sure how much longer he could keep this up with no blood running northwards.

To make things worse, he knew she was about to cum again. He could hear it in the way her breathing got quicker, feel it in the way her nails dug into his back, sense it in the way her muscles tightened around him, pulling at him.

"I'm going to cum," he hissed desperately in her ear, as she began to whimper and dig her heels into the small of his back. "Is there a towel or...anything?" he asked, glancing around at all the jars with the cotton swabs and bandages.

"Let me down," she whispered, starting to pull her arms from around his neck, but he shook his head, grasping her ass harder and walking her back over to the table, putting her down gently while shoving himself as deeply into her as he could, feeling her body clamping down around his and hearing her scream his name.

Biting into his lips he willed himself not to finish, to hold out while she writhed and bucked against him, ignoring his own needs entirely he knew while the orgasm rode her. He watched a smile spread across her full lips, her face lighting up as she rode wave after wave of pleasure. She even offered her lips to his, happily, grinning as she wrapped her fingers around the back of his neck and pulled him to her.

"Now, please?" he asked, forcing the words between clenched teeth. Nodding, she eased herself off of him, dropping to her feet from the table, and then dropping to her knees in front of him. He watched with amazement and surprise as she wrapped her hand firmly around the base of his dick and then slid her pink lips over the head. She didn't so much as twitch as her own juices met her tongue, she just rolled her big green eyes up to meet his and went to work. He watched his dick disappear into her mouth and felt her other hand slide between his thighs to stroke the spot behind his balls that made his dick jerk in her mouth and fireworks to go off in his head.

He gripped the edge of the table and slid the fingers of his other hand into her hair and held her mouth over him as spasm after spasm gripped him and he poured weeks of frustration into the back of her throat and she took it all, every last drop, without losing any of it.


	3. Chapter 3

C3

He should have left. As soon as he'd done cumming in her mouth, he should have grabbed his things and left. That was the sane thing to do, the usual thing to do in a situation like this one. But he didn't do that. Instead he helped her gather her clothes and they dressed, smiling and giggling, exchanging glances like a couple of school kids. It never really occurred to him to go. He liked this woman, maybe...maybe _really_ liked this woman. He liked the way she smelled, the way she smiled, and the way she crouched by that dog's cage and coaxed him out and then offered him her hand. He liked the way her hand felt in his, he liked it a lot.

He even took the dog's lead as they walked hand in hand across the damp grass to her dark house. If anyone had been looking they would have looked like any young couple out for a midnight stroll; a man, a woman and a dog. Normal.

Normal was something he hadn't had, not since he was...what? Ten maybe? Certainly there had been days that had been close to normal. But he hadn't been normal, not for almost as long as he could remember. He stood out, was singled out, was asked for more, to do more, be _more_. He rarely had moments that felt normal.

Walking up the few steps that lead to her bedroom, following her silently, her hand still in his larger one felt...normal. Even though they didn't talk. Even though she stood watching him and even in the almost complete dark he knew she was blushing, this felt just right.

He helped her undress, taking his time to kiss and caress her skin. He kissed her. She kissed him back. And even though he'd already had the most mind blowing sex with this woman only a few minutes before, every touch, every kiss felt new, felt unrushed, unhurried and _right_.

Those words kept coming into his head as they reclined on her patchwork quilt. Right. Normal.

This was not normal for Sidney Crosby. Normal wasn't making love to a woman he didn't know, but he knew in his bones as they moved together, as he kissed her and their tongues intertwined as their bodies joined, that he _was_ making love, maybe for the first time in his life and it felt...right. This woman felt right. Being here, in this strange house, with a strange dog lying at the foot of a strange bed felt...right.

* * *

Touching, kissing, and just staring. No words, no discussions, no justifications. Just touching, kissing and looking at each other. That's all, until, with his arm over hers', their fingers laced, his lips brushing the back of her shoulder, she fell asleep in her new home, for the first time since moving to this town.

She had tried to sleep in this bed the first night. Tried, and failed. There wasn't enough noise, or too much; too much noise in her head. Lying awake, by herself, even with the quilt her mother had made for her on her own bed, she could not make sleep come to her. That's when she'd moved the cot into the surgery. She'd lied to Tess and to him and to anyone else that noticed the cot there. Telling them the truth would only open up a can of worms that was just better off left alone.

And yet...she hadn't slept in a bed with another man since...

Closing her eyes tightly she dismissed the sirens and the flashing lights that invariably came to mind when her thoughts turned to Brad. It hadn't always been this way. Sometimes she could see his impish grin and his tussled blonde hair but not always, and hardly ever lately. Mostly it was just the lights and the sirens and the sound of the motorcycle engine still running and the smell of oil and blood, so much blood.

This night though, she slept without dreaming for the first time in months, and when she did wake with the first light of dawn creeping through the shutters, he was still there, asleep in her bed. She lay there watching him sleep for the longest time, trying to think why? Why me? Why now? Why him? But after a while she gave up and just watched him. Watched the round of his shoulder rising and falling with each deep breath, watched the dark curl of his hair against his forehead, watched the light play against the imperfect angles of his nose and I felt a smile pulling at the edges of my lips.

He looked young. Young and innocent as he slept soundlessly, his cheek resting on his bicep, his other arm still tossed over her waist; nothing like the raging stallion that had pressed her against the wall of the surgery and left her with what was now a pleasant sort of ache as a reminder. She resisted the urge to reach out and run her hand along his cheek, but could not resist the pull of his plump pink lips and so he woke with her lips brushing his and she felt his arms wrap around her and pull her over him, leading her slowly but surely onto his morning erection, and she found herself gazing down into those hazel eyes as they roamed her body appreciatively in the full light or morning and the admiring look in his eyes chased away the last of her self consciousness and she found herself grinning and laughing as she rode him, two things she could have sworn she'd forgotten how to do.

* * *

He didn't mind hard work. In fact it felt good to fork the new hay into the stalls, and as he worked Sidney found that he didn't miss the gym at all. Carrying, sweeping, scrubbing, all the chores he did along side her worked every muscle in his body and when at last they headed back inside, he felt as tired and just as sweaty as he would have had he done his usual morning work out. Leaning back he let the steaming hot water run over his face, washing the grime and sweat away as she worked the soap over his chest in slow deliberate circles.

Turning his attention back down to her, he felt that ache in his chest that had begun sometime last night when he'd woken in the strange house in this strange bed with this woman who lay beside him, peacefully asleep. Trusting and beautiful, he'd watched her sleep, wondering if he could leave, if he could slip out into the dark of night and never see her again. He'd decided he couldn't and what seemed worse, he didn't want to.

Except that he was going to have to. He had to be back in Pittsburgh in a few days for training camp and he even now as he ran his fingers through her wet hair and tilted her lips up to meet his, he couldn't imagine leaving this woman. As he kissed her, tasting the sweetness of her lips, he couldn't imagine going back to his playboy ways with Mad Max and the boys, and yet, he couldn't see her coming with him either.

She seemed settled here, with her practice and her animals, even though now that he'd been in the house, it didn't look very lived in. He supposed it wasn't entirely unlike his bachelor pad above Mario's garage. There was stuff, furniture and a toaster and that kind of thing, but it didn't have that feeling of a home. At least in his pad there was some old hockey pictures of his dad, family photos and here and there the occasional movie poster or framed jersey. Still, he didn't usually hang out in his place and he supposed she seemed more at home in the barn or inside her clinic than she seemed here. In fact there was hardly any food in the house, and even though her body was inviting as her breasts rubbed against him as he kissed her, his stomach was grumbling and a few pieces of toast were not going to fill the hole in his stomach, especially after the work out she'd given him last night and this morning, and that had nothing to do with the barns.

"Can I take you out for breakfast?" he asked as she reached around him to turn off the shower.

"I have clinic hours...," she began, sounding as disappointed as he felt.

"Can't...what was her name, she was here yesterday?" he closed his eyes and willed the name to come to him but it didn't.

"Tess?" she prompted, stepping out of the shower and handing him a beach sized towel before reaching for one of her own, but he wrapped her in his first, enjoying the feel of her through it as he rubbed her dry, turning her skin a healthy pink as he did.

"Yeah, that's right, Tess. Can't she look after things for a couple hours?" he begged, wrapping her in the towel and then his arms while reaching for her lips with his.

"No," she sighed, returning his hopeful smile with a wistful one of her own. "She's only helping me out until I find a partner or a proper assistant. She doesn't even have any training. She's supposed to be working at a law firm but she made the mistake of sleeping with one of the married partners," she rolled her eyes and laughed, reaching for his left hand and lacing her fingers through it.

"Not even a dent," he pointed out as she rolled his hand over as she examined it.

"I _had_ noticed," she replied quietly, letting him pull her to him and lifting her chin up as she searched his gaze. "I even read that you don't have a girlfriend," she continued quietly and carefully, "but I find that so hard to believe."

There it was. The question, both from her sweet and succulent lips and in her eyes. Sidney felt his stomach begin to churn uncomfortably. Everything had been so perfect up until now and now he was going to have to ruin everything.

* * *

She watched him turn his hazel eyes away and felt him loosen his grip on her and so she let him step away, let him turn completely from her until he was standing at the sink, gripping the edge of the granite countertop as he cursed under his breath.

"I'm sorry," she began, mentally berating herself for letting it slip that she knew who he was. She knew she'd called out his name more than once in the heat of passion but maybe he'd missed that. Maybe it wasn't so much her that he'd been enjoying up until now, maybe it had been the feeling of anonymity and she'd just been the icing on the cake.

"No, _I'm_ sorry," he sighed, his wide shoulders falling as he turned to her without meeting her gaze. "I just...I don't have time. That is...I _haven't_ made time in my life for someone and...," he looked up at her now, pleading silently with her to understand, "I didn't plan on this, do you understand?"

She thought she did understand, even though it made her chest ache and she had to blink hard to stop from crying. She'd felt something last night when they shared her bed, when he'd gazed down at her, cradling her head in his hands as they'd neared the edge of the abyss together, and she had been certain that he'd felt it too.

Obviously he just felt sorry for her, just like everyone else did; the poor pathetic little widow. Well she didn't want to be pitied.

"Don't get me wrong, I was just saying _someone_ might think you're a catch," she shrugged, wrapping the towel tighter around herself and turning to head out into the hallway and towards her bedroom. She wanted clothing and she wanted space and she wanted to be away from him.

"Meagan, wait," he called, his footsteps sounding wet on the wood floor behind her as he followed her down the hallway.

"I have work to do, I'm sure you have somewhere important to be," she snapped, feeling the venom practically dripping out of her mouth as she searched the floor of her room for his clothes, tossing each item over her shoulder so she didn't have to look at him.

"Meagan, it's not like that," he said quietly, his hands sliding over her shoulders, and just the feel of them there made her want to close her eyes, to melt against him, to have him push her onto the bed and peel this towel off and take her slowly and deferentially like he had last night. Instead she froze, stiffened and willed him to back away. "This has been so great, you don't know how great," he whispered, his soft sensuous lips brushing her ear, making her shiver with barely concealed desire.

"Yeah great, we should do it again some time," she managed to make her voice sound calm, even though her heart was beating a mile a minute. Just having him this close, the width of his chest pressed against her shoulder blades, made her weak at the knees.

"You don't mean it like that," he sighed, his hands suddenly lifted from her shoulders, the heat and solidity of his body disappearing altogether.

"You're right, I probably won't ever see you again will I?" she couldn't face him when she said it, because tears were beginning to well up in her eyes and she was determined not to let him see how weak and emotional she was.

"I don't know," he answered quietly, and for just a moment, she thought he sounded as disappointed as she felt.

* * *

"I hope so," he continued, taking that step forward to press his lips gently to the nape of her neck and the round of her shoulder before backing out of the room, leaving her standing there at the edge of her bed with her back to him and her head down.

Sometimes he hated being Sidney Crosby. If he'd been Max or even just some guy off the street he could have stayed for a few days and no one would have cared. But if didn't return the calls he was sure were already waiting for him at home, if he didn't make himself available for interviews, didn't complete his commitments then there were consequences, and as much as he wished with all his heart right now that he could just say the hell with it and go back in that room and tell that woman that he wanted to stay and wanted her to be his girlfriend, he knew that was never going to happen.

His sponsors, Mario, the team and even the League owned him. He knew it and they knew it and only they could say when Sidney Crosby could have time for a real meaningful relationship like other guys had, but he knew that time wasn't now. His brand, single Sidney Crosby was worth too much. Especially with the league and RBK trying to acknowledge the new and growing market of female fans, the more young single guys the Pens had on their roster, the better.

That meant he was going to put on his clothes, go out and get in his car and leave and not look back. He knew long distance relationships hardly ever worked. Look what had happened with Ruuts. Give a girl like Meagan too much time on her own and she'd soon be with some guy who could take her out and wine and dine her here at home. She wouldn't have to wait for months on end before she could get a few days of his time. Even then, he was Sidney Crosby, and unlike Jarkko Ruutu, even his summer wasn't free and clear like most guys had it. He had commitments to his sponsors and to his role as the face of the League that he was expected to be available even when he was supposed to be on his own time. He could never expect a woman to put up with that.

It was better this way, he told himself as he tugged on his jeans and stepped into his trainers. As good as it felt to wake up to her soft sweet kisses, he knew he had to be realistic. He couldn't do that every day. This had been like a dream and it would be better for everyone for him to treat it like that.

So with a sigh, he walked out of the house and across the garden and around the clinic and got into his Land Rover and started the engine. His chest hurt, and there was something in the back of his mind telling him that he was making a big mistake, but he put the truck in drive and pointed it towards the highway and drove away.


	4. Chapter 4

C4

Men leave. It's what they do. She told herself firmly that she should be used to it by now as she went through her daily tasks, smiling at her worried clients and looking into the big soulful brown eyes of a liver and white cocker spaniel. She wanted to tell the dog too. After all, looking down at the Golden that wouldn't leave her side now; he knew it too. Men leave. They're all bastards and it would be so much easier to be a lesbian.

Except then there would be two women in the house having their periods at the same time and they'd just run out of tampons twice as fast.

Besides, she grinned to herself as she peered into the floppy ear of the agreeable and well behaved bitch on the table, there's one thing women don't have, and she kind of liked that one thing and no matter what anyone said, plastic and latex do not quite work the same way, even with batteries.

"It's just another ear infection," she smiled over at the worried young woman as she reached for the swabs and cleaning solution. "You have to keep her ears clean, and flip them back once in a while so they can get some air on them you know? Like when she's sleeping, isn't that right Bela?" She kissed the dog's nose and set to work cleaning out the dark waxy build up in the pup's ear.

This was easy. 'Why can't men be more like dogs?' she thought to herself as she tossed a fouled swab into the garbage in the corner without even looking. Why can't they just be open and honest and loyal and...

That wasn't exactly fair, she admonished herself as he opened a box of antibacterial solution and pulled off the cap. Giving it a quick shake she squeezed a couple drops into the dog's ear and silently scolded herself. Sid hadn't lied, at least not out loud. He'd told her he didn't have time, and he was probably right. A big important star like him didn't have time for some small town lonely crazy woman.

And that's what she was she told herself as she robotically went over how to properly irrigate and clean the cocker's ears as she dug her fingers into its' thick warm fur. She was a crazy woman who preferred animals to human beings and wasn't any good at relationships anyway.

* * *

He fluctuated between rolling a quarter over the back of his knuckles and squeezing a hand grip. Normally he'd take more of an active role in these kinds of meetings, or at the very least try and look interested. After all, he prided himself on not being one of those guys that just put their name on things and took the cheque and didn't ask any questions.

But today he just couldn't keep his mind on the discussion at hand. Today he just couldn't care less about Timbits hockey or the new video shoot for Sportchek. He wasn't in to it and no matter how many times Pat, his agent, shot him dirty looks down the length of the meeting table, he couldn't make himself care.

Not when all he cared about was trying to think of a way to go back to Meagan and win her trust without grovelling. After all, he wasn't wrong. He really _didn't_ have time for a relationship and long distance relationships had _never_ worked for him in the past and yet he couldn't just dismiss her from his mind like he did his usual one night stands.

She was different. There was something about her that he felt a connection with. There weren't many people he could be 'real' with anymore. Army was one, but he was gone now. Fleur was one of those people too but maybe that was because he was so quiet. It was good to have someone he didn't have to talk to, someone he could just be with without feeling like he had to fill the silence with meaningless conversation.

For some reason he felt convinced that he _could_ just be himself with her. In fact they'd hardly had anything like a conversation, apart from that last bit. But he didn't want to think about that. It made his teeth hurt to clench them that hard and he had to, or curse out loud in a conference room full of people that thought of him as the nice, well behaved, mature young adult.

It made him smile, just for a moment, to wonder what they'd think if they knew what he'd been doing the night before. What he wanted to do again, very much. And it wasn't just about the sex, even though that was...well, breath-taking to say the least. He liked being with her. He liked how uncomplicated she was...or at least she _seemed_ uncomplicated. Except for the haunted look he'd seen in her eyes when she realized he was going to leave.

But then we all have our ghosts. His was not the most straightforward of lives. Maybe it was best to just let sleeping dogs lie, but even thinking that made him smile and brought the smell of her skin, of her room, of her sheets to mind and the visions that filled his head made him shift uncomfortably in the leather office chair.

Maybe long distance relationships, or relationships period, hadn't worked for him before, but there was something about this girl that was haunting his thoughts. Maybe this time it would work. Maybe this old dog could still learn a trick or two.

* * *

She watched the colt fold its' spindly legs beneath its' equally lanky body as he lowered himself into the warm clean straw by her side. Holding her breath she felt his be-whiskered nose snuffle at her hands and then come to rest on her knee. For the first time today she felt a genuine smile on her lips.

Tentatively she reached out and ran her hand along the white blaze and up to the tuft of coarse hair that stood up between his ears like a Mohawk. She gave him a scratch and was rewarded with a shake of his head and a gentle head butt as he looked for more.

"At least you seem to be warming up to me," she chided him gently as she ran the flat of her hand down to his muzzle. He pushed his nose up under her hand, and she laughed. "Demanding little thing aren't you?" Giving his head another scratch Meagan let her head fall back against the wall of the stall and closed her eyes, letting the smell of the horses, the warmth of the straw and the colt ease the tension from her muscles.

Digging her other hand into the prickly straw, she listened to the mare munching on her oats and the quick breaths of the colt and let the comforting smell of horseflesh and the steady even beat of her own heart calm her jangled nerves. This was better than a bottle of wine or any drug she could think of. This was even better than a long soak in a steaming bubble bath.

Even when she was little and her dad had run out on all of them, no matter how much her grandparents had tried to spoil her, no matter how much time her mother had wanted to spend with her, the barns were the only place she could go to for consolation. Only the feel of horseflesh under her fingertips and the smell of the barns would dry her tears.

Horses don't judge, or rather they do, but only in a very black and white way. Good or bad. Kind or evil, that's all they care about. If you fed them, brushed them and looked after them then you're good, they love you forever. Kind of like dogs, except they don't seem to need you to talk to them, almost like they have telepathy. Like now, if she opened her eyes she knew Snowbird would be giving her that look while she chewed on a mouthful of barley and hay. The look that told her she could stay as long as she wanted but bipeds shouldn't sleep in the stall.

Dogs don't do that. If you want to sleep with the dogs they never mind. Floor, floor is good, the people bed is better and even the car is good; anywhere as long as they can go with you. And dogs will look up at you with their big moist eyes and wag their tail until you stop crying.

That's why she liked dogs and horses better than cats. As far as she was concerned, cats are too much like people. Finicky and treacherous a cat will drop you like a bad habit even when you're most in need of a cuddle and will trade you in a red hot second for a wiggle mouse and a bag of catnip. Cats look down their noses at you, wondering why you're crying over a guy, thinking that it's your own fault for choosing a guy over them.

Rubbing at her eyes, Meagan yawned and started to climb to her feet. Snow was right, she couldn't stay out here all night, even if it was warmer in the straw than her cold bed or the cot in the surgery would be. The more she thought about it, the more certain she was sure she wouldn't be able to face that bed again for a while.

* * *

He nearly turned the car around and headed to the safety and security of his own home more than once. He even thought of calling his friend and old trainer Andy O'Brian and asking if he wanted to take his star pupil out for a jog. Yes he thought with a sigh, he'd even do that dreaded timed mile with his trainer than face the almost sure possibility that Meagan would turn him back out into the cool evening air empty handed.

But he kept the Land Rover pointed North and kept driving, chewing on the corner of his bottom lip as he tried to work through just what he was going to say to her to overcome the disaster of this morning. He still wasn't sure that what he was doing was entirely sane. He knew what his father would say. Women were distractions that were best left until after the game had passed you by, good for one night stands, for decoration only. He only had to point at what had happened with his career.

A mistake. His dad never got tired of telling people that his son was the most expensive and the most lucrative mistake Troy Crosby had ever made. Sid often wondered if he'd ever stop paying for being that mistake. Maybe that's what had him putting his foot to the floor as he got to the fringes of the city. Maybe he was tired of it.

Or maybe it was just that he had never had that rebellious phase. He hadn't had the time, but maybe now was the time to start. After all, he certainly had reasons enough to. He'd missed out on a lot of the stuff guys his age got into, that whole college fraternity thing for a start. But then he had a lot, much more in fact, than any guy his age that he knew, except maybe for Ovie but then Ovie didn't have all the pressures that he had. Women didn't post pictures of Ovie in their high school lockers.

Or did they?

He knew women much older than he was had pictures of him pinned to the walls of their cubicles, or so he'd been told. One picture in particular. Did he regret it? Maybe, now that he'd taken a couple of years worth or ribbing for it, yeah maybe he did regret it, but at the time...well he'd never even imagined there was that much pussy in the entire world.

But that had been a distraction and his dad was right and he knew it. Women were a complication and being Sidney Crosby made it no easier on the women he was with and he knew it. But he was older now, and he'd taken his lumps and learned more than a few important lessons. One of which was, he needed a distraction now and again, and he wanted someone in his life, someone special, someone he could turn to, someone who would be there for him.

So he aimed the headlights down the driveway towards the clinic and rolled his Land Rover onto the gravel parking lot and ignored the tight feeling in his chest that was telling him to run because there was something about this girl that meant being tied down and growing old. But if there was one thing Sidney Crosby is not, that's a quitter. Pocketing his keys, he glanced at the darkened Victorian farm house with its' faded balusters and sagging wrap around porch and wondered if she was inside.

Then the light from the barn caught his eye and a smile tugged at the corners of his full lips.

* * *

She tugged the gate of the stall closed and latched it with a sigh. Already she could feel the nip in the air portending the coming of Fall and that was just one more thing that made her shoulders droop as she leaned against the top of the gate and accepted a nudge from Snowbird under her chin. With a smile she leaned in and blew gently into the mare's nostrils and then ran her hand down her soft cheek.

"Just you and me girl, just like always," she began but the dappled mare shook her head and blew out a gust of warm breath over Meagan's face. "Oh yeah, him too," she sighed, smiling as the mare's velvet soft lips searched her empty hand. "We'll have to give him a name I guess." Wrinkling her nose Meagan gazed down at the colt, at the white blaze on his forehead, at his black coat and white socks and she shook her head. "He kind of walks like a Penguin, kind of looks like a Penguin...," she began, rolling her eyes at where her own thoughts were leading her.

"Don't do that to him," a deep voice called from the doorway of the barn and for a moment Meagan forgot to breathe.

The mare lifted her head, testing the air, her ears pricked forward listening intently, but she didn't elicit any whinny of alarm. She knew his voice too. She'd heard it when they were cleaning the stalls this morning, she recognized his scent. Sensing her reluctance, the mare dropped her muzzle and pushed at Meagan's hands, trying to peel her fingers from the top of the stall door, but she was holding on too tight, so tight it hurt as the uneven and splintered wood from where Snow had lipped the door bit into her skin.

"You should give him a name he can grow into like Lightening or something like that," he added, his voice telling her that he was near, his breath warm against the back of her neck. She closed her eyes and fought against the overwhelming feeling of elation that suddenly erupted inside of her, making her heart beat wildly against her ribs. Her pulse quickened and tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. She felt his hands on her shoulders, thick strong fingers quarrying into her skin, his wide firm chest pressing against her shoulder blades. She felt his lips brush the nape of her neck and the shudder that ran down her spine in response. She felt the ache between her legs as he pressed the full length of his body against hers'. "I sometimes think I've been called the kid for so long, I've forgotten how to act like a man."

She turned, slowly, and looked up into his hazel eyes. She opened her mouth to say something, some sharp and sarcastic comment that would send him back into the dark night, but no sound came out. Instead his lips came down onto hers' and his arms slid around her waist and dragged her body against his. She felt herself give in, her body melting against his, her arms snaking around his neck, her fingers digging into his dark waves despite the pain her heart knew she would feel, despite that voice in the back of her mind telling her that this couldn't be real. She kissed him back and felt her feet lifting off of the ground as he picked her up, wrapping her legs around his waist as he carried her to one of the empty stalls and laid her down in a bed of warm clean hay.


	5. Chapter 5

C5

She reached over and pulled an errant golden piece of straw out of the dark waves of his hair. His eyes still closed, his breathing still deep and even she thought him still deep in dream land when his hand snapped out and grabbed her wrist, bringing her hand down to his lips. He kissed the back of her hand, dragging his lips down to her knuckles before forcing her hand gently but firmly down his chest, down under the horse blanket that covered them keeping the morning chill off of their skin, down to the thick firmness of his stiffening erection.

"Again?" she breathed, giggling softly as he rolled on top of her, his eyes still closed as his mouth sought hers'. She ignored his morning breath, hoping he'd overlook hers' as his tongue caught hers' in what was now a familiar but still exhilarating dance.

"Again and again," he muttered, kissing his way across her jaw as he slid inside of her, his hands burrowing into the flesh of her hips, raising them off of the blanket so he could penetrate deeper, fill her completely. He groaned as she raised her hips to meet his thrust, wanting more of him, digging her fingers in turn into the copious meat of his ass to encourage him to bury himself inside of her. "Oh god," he hissed, his breath hot in the shell of her ear, "tell me you feel it too."

"It?" she whimpered, arching her back in response to his teeth dragging across her shoulder, the pain sending waves of electricity down her spinal column, messages running to her brain telling her that she was close, so close to yet another explosion of heat and acute pleasure but for some reason she knew that wasn't what he meant, he never finished this fast, never as quickly as she seemed to.

"This...this was meant to be," he croaked hoarsely, his lips brushing along her neck before his teeth dug in, sending another shudder of mixed pain and pleasure running like a wildfire across her skin.

Meant to be. She'd heard it before, a long time ago. She'd wanted to believe it then, _had_ believed it then, and then it had all been taken away. Shutting her eyes tight, Meagan forced the dark cold thoughts out of her head. He'd come back. That _had_ to mean something. And he'd stayed the night, holding her in his strong arms, in a horse barn, in a pile of straw wrapped in a horse blanket when he could have been in a million dollar mansion with air conditioning and a pillow top mattress with Egyptian cotton sheets. In her world, that was the penultimate in romance.

So she would forgive him this moment of insanity, or at least forget it for the moment. There would be time to think about that later, after.

Had he really said that out loud? As they lay in each other's arms still wrapped in the itchy horse blanket, holding her hand in his over his still galloping heart, he tried to stop his mind from racing ahead. And yet...she fit him so well, or he fit her so well.... Whatever way he looked at it, or thought about it, he kept coming to the same conclusion over and over again. He had been meant to see that dog and bring him to her. He had been meant to meet her, to be with her, to fall in love with her.

His heart beat so hard against his chest it hurt. This was so far outside his comfort zone he didn't know what to think. But no matter how hard he tried to shut them down, his thoughts kept turning in the same direction over and over again. He felt comfortable here. Even in a heap of hay on a horse blanket, he felt at home. Her body felt like home.

Even now, with her cuddled close to him he could feel that she fit against him perfectly. Her cheek pressed to his shoulder, her toes wiggling against his, her fingers interlaced with his...perfect.

Too perfect? That whole 'if it seems too good to be true it is' sentiment rang through his brain. But then that old adage hardly seemed to apply to his life most of the time and yet....

This was crazy, plain and simple. He didn't know a single thing about this woman aside from the fact that she lit a fire in his veins like nothing else, except hockey, and that animals seemed to like her, to trust her. They say that animals are a good judge of character but could he trust her with his heart?

"It's okay you know," she whispered, giving his fingers a squeeze as she dug her chin into his collarbone as if to say 'look at me'. He turned his attention to her immense green eyes framed by the loose waves of her Chestnut brown hair and translucent skin and found that he was returning her shy smile. "You can stop squirming. I mean I think that it's _usually_ the place of the girl to say something mushy and emotional during sex but...it's okay, I think I know what you mean." He curled his hand around hers' and brought her hand up to his lips, thanking her silently for not being one of those girls that needed reassurance, that wanted to hear all those words that he didn't mean because he was afraid if she asked for them, he would say them and, even worse, he would mean them. "Now, I don't know about you but I've got straw poking me in some pretty uncomfortable places," she smiled, wriggling her way free of the blanket and of him, "and the animals are getting restless."

"I noticed that," he said, watching her yawn and stretch, admiring the generous curves of her body and the fact that she didn't try to hide from his eyes. "Is it us? I mean...staying here and...stuff?"

"Well I'm sure the..._stuff_ part didn't help but no, it's their routine. We're late for feeding time," she added with a grin, offering him her hand. He took it, letting her pull him to his feet, feeling his heart swell at being included. _We_. Oh he was in deep. _So deep_.

He watched her as they went about feeding her varied collection of half tame half wild animals, trying to figure out just what it was about her that was making his heart beat so uncontrollably and sending his mind careening down paths he'd never even thought of before. It wasn't just that she was beautiful, although he was certain of that, even if she wouldn't win America's Next Top Model or even compete with the likes of Fleur's Veronique. And it wasn't just that he wanted her, physically, although that too could not be denied as he watched her climb a fence to get into the chicken coop, her legs stretching over the rails, the denim of her jeans clinging tightly across her shapely derriere.

It was that she was independent. She didn't need his help with the chores. In fact he got in the way more than he helped, but she neither lost her temper nor barked orders, just grinned when he nearly got his fingers bitten off by a rather sardonic mule and tried hard not to laugh when he got squeamish over the buckets of slop for the rather hairy and hugely malodorous pig.

She also didn't worship him, didn't watch him with moon eyes like every single thing he did was more wonderful than the next. The only time she seemed to give him any credit at all was when he slipped in the mud in the pig pen and managed, somehow, to retain his balance while at least keeping some semblance of his dignity about him. That was the one and only time she looked at him like he'd achieved anything she would give him points for, other than being able to bring her to the point of orgasm multiple times, and even _he _was proud of that.

And she was smart. He watched her from the corner of the surgery while she fussed over a pregnant cat, counting the kittens inside of her swollen belly with careful and gentle fingers while all the while keeping a running dialogue of cat anatomy that he was sure was more for his benefit than the cat's owner. She was calm, cool and collected even when an oversized and snarling Mastiff seemed to be daring her not to stick the needle she was holding in its' shoulder. She was confident, staring down at the dog as he bared his sizeable teeth at her, speaking in a low soothing voice that made even him want to let her stick him with the hypodermic.

She was his type, if he had one, which he had not really thought he had. But if he did, she was it. What was worse was he had just been saying that he needed someone like Vero or Mel. He wanted someone to buy a house with, to come home to, to be able to talk to on the phone when they were on the road, someone to miss, and someone who would miss him.

He knew he would miss her. By the end of the day he was sure he would miss her every day of his life.

"Do you believe in fate?" She felt his hands on her shoulders, digging into the knots left by the work of the day, by that Mastiff who'd threatened to tear her limb from limb, by chasing an errant puppy around the surgery and by knowing he'd been there, his hazel eyes watching her intently every moment of the day. She also felt the security gates closing as he said those words, felt her heart beat slow and felt her blood turn to ice in her veins.

"Fate? As in if it's your time to die?" she asked, her voice cool as she took slow even breaths, trying not tense up any more than she already had. Fate. Fate was a bitch. She hated fate and anyone who ever had the brass balls to suggest that people died because of it, that Brad had died for a reason.

"No, not...I'm not talking about dying. I don't know about that. I just mean...," he paused, even his fingers stopped moving against her skin, and she thought she could hear him thinking, searching for the right words and the security gates paused before they locked down tight around her heart. "I mean, do you believe people meet for a reason, that people come into our lives for a reason?"

Shrugging she kept her mouth closed and concentrated instead on the press of his thighs against hers' where she sat between his legs, her knees tucked up tightly to her chest, her chin resting on the back of her hands as his fingers went back to work on her shoulders.

"I don't know," she answered at long last, closing her eyes and smiling blissfully as he successfully worked a knot out of her left shoulder blade. "I try not to think too hard on the whole meaning of life thing." She felt his breath on the back of her neck as he leaned into the next knot, digging his thumbs into the spot just below her shoulder, the spot that she carried most of her tension and stress in, the spot that no one could ever quite get loose.

"Do you wonder why...why we met?" he asked quietly, and she smiled to herself as she envisioned him trying to keep his features composed as he waited for her answer.

"You had to save him," she inclined her head towards the Golden who lay across the threshold of her bedroom, fast asleep and snoring. She felt his fingers hesitate, mid rub, and in her mind's eye she could picture the consternation in his face as he stared at the back of her head. "I don't know," she shrugged again, "I guess I'm trying not to think too much about it." She waited, and after a beat or two, his thumbs went back to work on her skin and she winced as he pressed harder.

"Because I'm younger than you?" he asked finally, and she was sure she could hear his toothy boyish grin as he said it. She felt his fingers travel up the back of her neck, lifting her hair away from the nape of her neck where a handful of gray hairs hid. He pressed his lips there, firmly, his tongue pressing against her skin, his teeth grazing the nerves and sending a shiver down her spine.

"I do feel a bit of the whole cradle robbing thing," she admitted, sighing out loud as he gave up his massage and instead continued his caresses down her shoulder. "I don't know," she said again, tipping her head to the side and lengthening her neck for him as he kissed his way back up towards her ear. "I try not to think too hard about why things are anymore."

"Well I _have _been thinking about it," he whispered, his breath warm against her skin as he tipped her head back to give him access to her lips, "and I want to spend some time figuring it out, if that's okay with you." She gave him her mouth, letting him kiss her onto her back until he was lying beside her, his hand stroking her hip, as he gazed down at her, his eyes looking like liquid honey as he smiled down at her, waiting.

"You want to stay? Here?" she asked, reaching up to touch his cheek as he grinned down at her, like he was proud she'd figured out the answer to a riddle. He nodded, his eyes searching hers' as she scanned her feelings, waiting for those emergency security gates to fall, for the locks to crash into place, for the fear and the insecurity to rise up and make her panic. Instead, she found herself nodding and smiling back at him.

"Yeah?" he grinned, like a kid given the keys to the candy store.

"Yeah, I guess, yeah," she replied, surprised by the sound of giddiness in her own voice. He might have said something like awesome, or some other equally profoundly happy exclamation, but she never really caught as his lips covered hers and the solidness of his body pressed her into the mattress, immediately erasing any regrets welling up from the dark emptiness still lurking somewhere deep in her soul.


	6. Chapter 6

C6

"You're where?" He winces as he listens to the disbelief and consternation in his mentor's voice.

"A friend's place," Sid heard himself repeating, turning his back on the woman and her bouncing, yapping toy dog walking up the hallway toward him, plugging his other ear and heading into the office.

"You have your own place. Your own gated, secure place to be," Mario reminded him, managing to sound both exasperated and stern at the same time.

"This is my town, I'm fine where I am, and it's only going to be for a few days," he explained, trying to keep the irritation out of his own voice, reminding himself that Mario had every right to worry about his number one asset.

"This _friend_," Mario began and Sid felt his jaw clench, knowing what was coming next. "It's a woman, am I right?" He paced towards the door of the office, his gaze meeting Meagan's as she lead the woman's yappy little dog across the hall to the room full of cages where animals waiting to undergo procedures were kept and immediately he felt a wave of guilt rising in his chest. Giving her a weak smile he shut the door and paced away again.

"It is," he answered quietly but firmly. There wasn't any point in beating around the bush about it. He heard the sigh on the other end of the line and did his best not to let his temper get the better of him.

"I hope you're not letting yourself get distracted just before camp." Sid moved over to the window overlooking the road and watched another car dip cautiously into Meagan's gravel driveway while he took several calming breaths.

"I'm working out," he replied, rubbing at the spot at his temple that had begun to throb.

"I need you to come to come to camp focused Sidney. You have to be the leader now. We don't need your mind all over the place." The implication was clear and it made the pounding in his head worse.

"I'm fine. I'll _be_ fine," Sidney moved away from the window and slid into the chair behind the big solid looking desk. It looked old and well worn, its' surface scored and stained by years of use. He ran the tip of his finger along a groove in the wood while he listened to Mario struggle on the other end of the line. It was a narrow line they walked together, keeping the public and private separate.

"You've got responsibilities here," Mario began, but his voice trailed off and for a long moment there was only silence on the other end of the line. "You'll do the right thing," he heard Mario sigh and he could imagine the big man resting his forehead against his fingertips, his elbows resting on the highly polished mahogany wood of his desk.

"Thanks," Sid felt a bitter sort of smile twist his own features as he folded his cell phone closed. He hoped he would do the right thing, if only he could figure out just what that was.

"So are you going to give me my marching papers or what?" Tess nudged Meagan in the ribs before handing her the results of a test. Glancing over at her friend and co-worker, Meagan shrugged.

"Why would I do that?"

"You have another little helper?" Tess said helpfully, her voice dripping with sarcasm as her lips curled up in an amused smile. With a worried glance towards the closed door at the end of the hall, Meagan shrugged and turned her attention back to the piece of paper in her hand.

"He's only here for a few days," she sighed, forcing her thoughts away from the dark haired boy in her office and back onto the Siamese and her owner waiting in the surgery.

"And then what happens?" her assistant hissed, keeping her voice low, both women all too aware of the curious glances from the waiting room, the speculative questions that had been floating between waiting patrons in hushed voices.

"I don't know. I haven't thought about it," she sighed, giving the shut door another quick glance. When she looked back at her friend, she was met with an incredulous gaze, to which her only reply was another shrug of her shoulders. "What do you want me to say? I don't even know why he's here."

"Well that I could tell you," her bespectacled assistant grinned, "but in my experience, you don't take compliments very well." Rolling her eyes, Meagan turned to head back into the surgery but Tess grabbed her arm. "Seriously, what is with you and Captain Kid in there? I mean, is it serious or what?"

"Or what," Meagan snapped, shooting Tess's hand on her arm a withering glance which immediately resulted in her assistant's hand dropping away, her lips to purse and her eyes to narrow in annoyance.

"I'm only asking a question," she snarled, turning on her heel and heading back out into the waiting room. Meagan watched Tess walk away as she silently chastised herself for taking out her insecurities on her friend, but then, having spent the entire day as the object of gossip had her clinging to her last nerve.

With one last glance at her office door, she turned and pushed open the door to the surgery and pasted on her happy face.

"Was that the last patient?" She turned the dead bolt on the door and leaned against it. His voice was like dark chocolate syrup in her ear and despite the tension that had filled her all day, she found herself rocking back on her heels and letting herself lean into his chest. Closing her eyes, she hummed contentedly as he worked her hair free of the myriad of pins and elastics that had been holding it firmly out of her face and dragged his fingers through it, working the snags out and smoothing it down over her shoulders.

"It was, barring any emergencies," she sighed, dragging a ragged breath through her teeth as he brushed her hair off of her neck and nuzzled his way up to her ear.

"So it's just you and me?" he asked, his voice ripe with suggestion as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing the full length of his body against hers'.

"Not quite," she mused, reaching up and behind her, sliding her fingers around the thickness of his neck and sliding them up into his dark hair. "Tess is in the back with an expectant mother," she reminded him, earning her a frustrated sigh.

"I'd forgotten about her," he grumbled, digging his chin into her shoulder. "But we can go to the house, right?" he asked, his voice filling with hopeful energy.

"For a while," she grinned, stopping his hand's progress just below the swell of her breast, "but eventually I'm going to have to take a shift or bring momma cat into the house and I don't think she and Grover are going to get along that well."

"Grover?" he asked, amused.

"Well I had to start calling him _something_," she replied, giving a quick glance towards the Golden who had been at her ankles all day and laughing as Sid twirled her around to face him, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close as he tipped her mouth up to meet his.

"But Grover?" he asked, the sparkle in his eyes and the curl of his full pink lips making her breath catch in her throat.

"I _like_ Grover," she insisted, "and I've thought of a name for the Colt as well," she added, nipping at his full bottom lip as his hands slid from the small of her back lower, sliding down to cup her buttocks and tilting her pelvis towards his.

"What's that?" he asked, the rasp in his voice and the unfocussed look in his hazel eyes telling her that he was barely listening to her now, his thoughts speeding ahead to when they would really be alone.

"Stanley, as in Cup," she smiled cautiously, waiting for his reaction, trying to read his stunned gaze. "I mean, if I keep him of course," she added. His gaze searched hers' curiously. Taking a deep breath she launched into the explanation that had been in the back of her mind all day, telling herself that now was as good a time as any. "You'll be leaving soon, I want something to remember this by," she said quietly, stepping away from him, putting some distance between them so at least she felt like she could breathe.

"You say that like you're never going to see me again," he replied, his voice low, strained, like he was forcing the words between clenched teeth. Looking up into his eyes she could see hurt reflected in his burnt caramel gaze. Shrugging, she forced herself to speak the truth.

"You don't even live here," she began, watching him stiffen as if she'd slapped him instead of merely spoken the truth. "That's right isn't it? I mean, I'm not going to say I've turned into an expert on your life in the last few days but, you have to be back in Pittsburgh in a few days and you won't be back here until what? June?" She watched him grind his teeth, his hands balling into fists at his side. "Besides, this is what happens with summer flings anyway, burn brightly and then they're gone, right?"

He looked away, like he couldn't or didn't want to meet her gaze any longer, but he didn't actually move and yet it felt like a huge divide had opened up between them, like she was staring at him across a chasm too deep and wide to cross.

"Is that what this is?" he asked keeping his voice soft but steady. "A summer _fling_?" He tossed the word out between them like it tasted bad in his mouth, and then lifted his gaze to meet hers' and even as he tried to keep his emotions in check, he saw her flinch at the anger he knew was likely clear on his face.

"What else could it be?" she asked her voice equally quiet and controlled as she lifted her chin and met his gaze with a defiant one of her own.

"You don't feel..._anything_ at all?" He replied knowing he was losing control over his voice, letting his emotions ride him, pain pricking at his chest like a dozens of daggers digging into his skin.

"Are we going to fight?" she asked, dropping her chin and looking up at him through her long dark eyelashes, "or are you going to take me to bed?"

He should have felt like a piece of meat, a dirty little secret, a cheap whore. Instead his blood raced as her pink tongue swept over her lips and her gaze raked over him. His body reacted to the heat of her gaze. His fingers twitched with the longing to touch her, his body swelling and hardening as she stalked towards him like a cat towards a mouse, long slow deliberate strides, her gaze never leaving his. She could have been wearing a black teddy and thigh high boots instead of the mint coloured scrubs by the way his breath caught in his throat as he watched her.

He wanted her just as badly now as he had the first moment he saw her and he didn't understand this immediate and overwhelming sense of longing any more now than he had then. He needed her, like he needed air to breathe but how could he explain that to her without sounding pathetic and needy; or worse, like a child.

"Don't you want to take me to bed Sidney?" she asked, walking her fingers up over the thin cotton of his t-shirt, sending goose flesh crawling across his skin. His mouth went dry, leaving him speechless and unable to do more than nod mutely as she leaned in to touch her lips to his. "Don't you want me?" she asked again, sliding her hands up under the hem of his t-shirt, laying them flat against his abdomen.

"You know I do," he managed to groan, shutting his eyes tightly as she kissed her way down his throat, sucking in a gasp as her fingers came to rest on the button at the top of his jeans.

"Then let's not ruin what little time we have left together arguing semantics," she whispered, her lips brushing the shell of his ear, her breath hot against his skin. Sliding one hand down to cup his straining erection, she reached for his hand with her free one, lacing her fingers with his and turned and lead him out of the office and across the lawn toward the house. He followed, silently cursing the cowardice that kept him from telling her that her smile made his heart swell but the burning desire burning in his veins made him give in anyway.

He should leave. By the time she woke up in the pre dawn hours he should be packed and gone. It was the right thing to do, the judicious thing to do. He didn't know this woman, could hardly have a conversation with this woman, and yet...and yet he was developing feelings for her, feelings he had no business having, had no time to have.

He should go. It was the sensible decision. And yet, as he lay beside her in the dark, watching her toss and turn, her brow furrowed, her full lips pursed in concentration as she fought against some unseen demon haunting her dreams, he felt strange new emotions begin to stir in his breast. The need to flee was slowly being taken over by feelings of protectiveness, of being needed.

The sex was clouding his judgement. It had to be. He didn't even know anything about this woman and she couldn't have made it more clear that she didn't want any kind of emotional entanglement, especially of the long distance kind, and yet....

As he watched her sleep, he felt his heart swell in his chest as the moonlight spilled through the open window, caressing her skin, turning it too a bright metallic silver and her dark brown hair an inky black. The need to run his hand along the high plane of her cheekbone, down the ridge of her jaw, along the soft hill of her full lips was almost overwhelming. He was drawn to this woman, had been from the very first moment he'd seen her and if he didn't fully understand why yet, he was okay with that. Because if there was one thing he knew about her, it was that his instincts were telling him that she was important and if there was one thing he'd learned it was that he always trusted what his gut told him. He'd been taught to go with his instincts from the time he put on skates and he wasn't going to stop doing it now.

So he could forgive her if she was trying to keep her defences intact, if she was doing her best to try to keep him at arms length. That was probably the right thing to do, even if he couldn't do the same thing with her. He'd never had the time to build his walls, they'd all come tumbling down the first time she'd looked up at him and he strongly believed that things happened for a reason.

What he had to learn from her, he wasn't sure, yet. But as he watched her frown and whimper in her sleep, he thought that just maybe she needed him too.


	7. Chapter 7

C7

"What's this?" she asked as she paused in the doorway, her hand still on the knob, half in and half out of the room. She scanned the dark room, lit only by candle light flickering from dozens of tea lights scattered around the nearly empty living room to a bundle of what looked to be the vanilla pillar candles from her bathroom standing the middle of her never used kitchen table. She watched with a touch of amusement as he appeared around the corner wearing an apron that had a tuxedo on the front of it with kiss the cook emblazoned across his chest in bright lipstick red.

"I hope you like chicken," he began, pulling off a pair of oven mitts she thought might have been her grand mothers. "You're not a vegetarian are you?" She shook her head and pushed the door shut behind her, but only took a step or two inside before stopping again, as the aroma of oven roasted chicken assailed her senses and she stopped to cover her grumbling stomach with both hands.

"No," she looked up at him, just a little embarrassed by the sounds her stomach was making, "definitely not."

"Good," he grinned, showing her all of his perfectly white teeth, "do you like red or white?"

"Red or white what?" she asked, toeing off her shoes and following her nose to the kitchen, only to be stopped by his outstretched hands.

"I don't think so," he smiled, leaning in to press his lips softly over hers'. "You've worked hard all day, I'm cooking. Why don't you go upstairs and wash off some of that...," he wrinkled his nose up as pulled away from her, "antiseptic. Have a bath. Dinner will be ready by the time you get back down here."

"Okay," she searched his gaze, trying to figure out his angle but was only met with his impish grin. He turned her around and marched her to the foot of the stairs and kissed the back of her neck before giving her butt a firm pat as her foot hit the first stair.

"Red or white?" he called again, sounding like he was almost back in the kitchen.

"White," she called back, shaking her head as she marched up the stairs. She'd wondered where he'd got to once she'd started her clinic hours. In the back of her mind all day she'd thought he was gone, had left for good; that he'd snuck away without saying good bye. Part of her was relieved at the thought, but part of her had been crushed by the idea.

She'd had to admit to herself that she liked having him around; that she liked falling asleep in his arms and most of all that she liked having him to wake up to. Of course that was also the problem. She was getting used to this, getting used to having him around, getting his used to his smell, the sound of his voice, the feel of him filling part of her bed. It was too easy to get attached, too easy to let herself fall for him and in the back of her mind she knew that she couldn't afford to do that because men leave and he _was_ going to leave, sooner rather than later.

She wondered again to herself as she shucked her scrubs, leaving them in a pile on the tile floor of the bathroom, just what he _was _doing here. Turning to look at herself in the mirror, she pulled at the crows-feet beginning to form around her green eyes and frowned. She'd never considered herself one of those 'pretty girls'. She was, in her father's own words, by no means a remarkable girl. She was definitely not model thin. Nor was she the kind of woman who turned men's heads unless she really scrubbed up and went all out with the make up and hair gels and curling iron and all of that stuff that had no place in the life of someone who worked with animals all day.

Letting her hair down from the pins and elastics that had held it out of her face all day, she ran her hands through it and sighed. Brown; plain boring mud brown with a few grays at her temple. She wasn't even one of those women whose hair was her crowning glory. That wasn't even the reason that it was long. The only reason it _was_ as long as it was now was that she hadn't been anywhere near a salon in at least two years.

Thinking of that made her look down at her nails and that made her screw up her nose in disgust. They were bitten to the quick, jagged and torn and her hands weren't much better. Calloused from cleaning the stalls and zig-zagged with scars from hundreds of frightened animal scratches and bites, it made her wince just to look at them.

Raising her scarred hands to her chest, she lifted her breasts to where they had once sat, maybe when she had been his age and wondered again what he could possibly see in her. She was beginning to fall apart and what seemed worse was she couldn't remember when everything had started to head south.

Shaking her head, she tore her gaze away from her reflection before she became seriously depressed and turned on the hot water. The hotter the better. She could feel the tension in her shoulders and that knot was back, the one she couldn't reach.

She thought she had some Epsom salts around somewhere and while she waited for the tub to fill, she turned to reach for her basket of sample soaps and bath bombs and found her hand resting on top of a paper bag with Lush written across the front of it. She felt a grin beginning to pull at the corners of her lips. He really was very sweet.

Opening the bag she closed her eyes and hummed happily while the scents of jasmine and vanilla wafted out of the bag. Inside were a large bath bomb and a bar of organic vanilla soap, luxuries she hadn't indulged in since she'd moved to this town. Then again, she hadn't thought much about the way she smelled as long as she was clean when she went to the clinic. After all, the animals didn't care what she smelled like, and until now, she hadn't thought much about their owners.

While dropping the bath bomb into the water and watching it fizz its' way around the tub, her thoughts turned again to what Sidney was doing here with her. Maybe he was hiding she decided as she tested the temperature of the water by sticking her toe in before pulling it out again and reaching for the cold water tap. She knew what it was like to want to find a deep dark cave to hide away from the world in. She herself had chosen this stretch of land for its' absolute quiet and lack of neighbours.

Still, she couldn't get her head around what he could be hiding from. As she sunk into the aromatic water with a sigh of relief and release, she chuckled and shook her head. If she had his money, she could think of so many things she could do with it, and none of them had anything to do with staying in this town, in this pokey old house. As she drifted near the edge of sleep, she thought about buying an island where it was always sunny and raising race horses and smiled to herself.

* * *

He looked up from setting the timer on the stove to watch her walking down the stairs and felt his knees go weak. He couldn't quite remember the last time that had happened. Maybe the first time he'd stepped out on NHL ice, or maybe the first game of the Stanley Cup finals. But the last time a person had made him weak at the knees…maybe meeting Mario…maybe.

If he hadn't known they were alone in the house, he might not have recognized her, at first glance anyway. She'd obviously gone to some trouble to look extra nice. Her hair swept up and off her neck although he liked it better down, and she was wearing eye liner and lipstick, which didn't phase him but he didn't exactly care for it either. Even her nails were done; blood red. It made him shiver just thinking about those nails digging into his back, ripping through his skin….

"You look beautiful," he breathed, his eyes roaming appreciatively over the simple black dress cut low over her cleavage and high enough at the hip that he could see she'd even gone to the trouble of putting on thigh highs, the sight of which made him hard and he was suddenly glad for the apron.

"Thanks," she blushed, glancing at the table laden with wine and all the fixings of a home cooked grilled chicken menu; mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans and a oven hot bread rolls. "You did all…this?" she asked, her eyes going wide as she surveyed the spread.

"Hey, I don't just play hockey," he mused, finishing setting the timer and glancing quickly in the oven before walking over to her, gathering her hands in his and leaning in to press his lips gently over hers'. She seemed to stiffen when he kissed her, but he tried to ignore it. Things had been strained between them all day. That was part of why he'd gone to such an extent over dinner.

"I know that," her smile was faint as she slid into the chair he pulled out for her, but she didn't let go of his hand. "Is this…is this a good-bye dinner?" she asked, her gaze locked to the table, her voice low but determined.

"No," he squeezed her hand and knelt in front of her, "not yet. Not unless you want it to be?" She glanced at him, and just for a moment, he thought that her eyes glistened silver with tears. She didn't answer, but squeezed his hand back and then let it go.

He climbed slowly to his feet and turned to pull the apron over his head, taking his time as he tried to get his head around the ever changing moods of this woman who tugged at his heart strings but kept pushing him away. He turned his attention to the cork in the wine bottle, grinding his teeth as he pulled at it with her hopelessly old fashioned cork screw.

"When do you have to go back?" her voice rang like a silver bell in his mind, and he almost didn't answer her question, sure that it was a figment of his imagination, part of the happy ever after story he'd created in his mind.

"A few days," he managed, pulling the cork free and turning back to stare at her in disbelief as she thoughtfully ran the tip of her finger around the lip of her wine glass.

"But camp doesn't start until next week." She didn't look up at him, and her voice was utterly bereft of even the hint of an emotion, and yet, she could have sung the words and wrapped them in flowers and given them to him as a gift.

"I have...responsibilities," he began and watched her finger pause on the edge of her glass.

"So it's like...back to school? You've got to get supplies and measured for new clothes?" She did glance up at him then, her eyes questioning, going for cold and maybe even angry, but he could still see the tears welling in them and it was all he could do to keep standing the few feet away from her that he was and not run to her and pull her into his arms and kiss away those tears. "Don't you think they know what size you take by now?"

"I have actually grown over the summer," he added and couldn't quite hide the smile he felt pulling at his lips, "and no, that's not quite what I meant."

"Oh yes, all those media relations thingies," she turned her attention back to the rim of her wine glass, her finger moving faster now as she narrowed her eyes on a spot in the middle of the table. The chicken was getting cold, and the two perfectly square pats of butter he'd put on top of the mashed potatoes were long since melted, but he didn't care. He didn't care right now if he didn't eat anything but frozen dinners for another two nights if it meant she would admit that she cared. "Do they know how lucky they are to have such a good, respectable, polite Canadian kid to do their bidding?"

"Is that what you think I am? A good, respectable kid?" he asked, fighting the urge to laugh as he slid into the chair nearest her and reached for the glass she was trying to ware the rim off of. His hand touched hers' and it was like a bolt of electricity flashed between their fingers, leaving them staring at one another, her eyes round in shock, his amused, questioning.

"Well you're the media darling aren't you?" she finally replied, her voice calm and cool, dropping her gaze from his and sliding her hands back onto her lap where she laced her fingers like she didn't trust her hands either.

"But what do _you _think?" he asked again and this time it was his turn to keep his voice level, low and controlled as he filled her glass and put it down in front of her. He waited, watching her bite at her lip, watching her jaw tense, her cheeks begin to colour.

"I don't know," she whispered, shrugging and reaching for the glass. "Everything I read is so...superficial." He couldn't help but smile then, feeling so close to victory always made him smile.

"Do you know," he reached for her hand, carefully and slowly peeling her fingers from the stem of her wine glass and taking her hand in his, "that there are very few people who know me? I mean, _really _know me?" He waited for her to raise her gaze to meet his, and then he continued. "Do you know how many people have ever sat and watched an episode of Friends with me in the middle of the night?" She shook her head, her gaze wary as he stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. "Three, counting you," he continued, leaning over their clasped hands so that his chin was almost resting on them. "Do you know how many people I've ever cooked for?" She shook her head again, and this time he was certain a tear was about to fall out of her emerald green eyes. "Five, and three of those people are my family, and now you," he added, pressing his lips to the back of her hand.

"Why?" she asked, her voice quaking with emotion. He watched a crystalline tear slide down her cheek and leaned forward to kiss it away.

"Because I suddenly believe in love at first sight."


	8. Chapter 8

C8

He didn't expect an answer, withdrawing to give her space while he dug into the cooling food. While he ate he watched her push her food around her plate, carefully avoiding his gaze by keeping her head down, her expression grave. He didn't want to press her. He got the feeling that if he did she'd run and that was the last thing he wanted right now. Especially when it seemed like he was so close to getting her to admit that she was developing feelings for him.

So he ate in silence, watching her mull over the things he'd told her and he wondered what kind of thoughts were swimming around in her brain. He reminded himself to be patient, just like he often had to be on the ice, not to rush the puck, wait for it to come to him. It had been a difficult lesson to learn as a player and it was no easier now as a lover.

He wanted to reassure her. His fingers itched to hold her, to comfort her but he kept chewing and gripping his fork instead, keeping his silent vigil beside her. He wished she would eat something. He was actually pretty proud of the way the chicken had come out and even if the potatoes were a little dry, he thought they tasted good. She didn't seem to notice, she just kept moving the pieces of chicken around her plate, her eyes down cast and her bottom lip trembling. She wasn't crying though, even though her fork shook in her hand.

He was nervous too, as nervous as he was before a big game, an important game. His heart raced as he watched her push the plate of food away and reach with quaking fingers for her wine. She downed it one long swallow and then held it out for him to fill.

"More," she demanded, still avoiding his gaze as she visibly fought to keep her hand steady.

He tipped the wine into her glass and filled it half way and began to pull the bottle back but she turned her gaze up to him and made it clear with one quick, hard look that half was not going to be sufficient. With a smirk he tipped the bottle and filled the glass to the brim and then watched her empty it again before she held out the glass looking for more.

"Don't you think you should go easy on that if you're not going to eat?" he asked, trying not to laugh as she narrowed her eyes at him, giving him that look that he'd been on the receiving end one too many times from Mario's daughters Lauren and Stephanie. He knew that look all too well. "It's just a suggestion," he added, biting on his lip to stifle the giggle that threatened to spill over.

"Just pour," she grumbled, pushing the glass towards him again and then snapping her gaze back to the spot on the table where her free hand was tapping out an irritated rhythm on the aged wood of the table. Shaking his head, he poured what was left in the bottle into her glass and watched as she downed it in one swallow, and then wiped the back of her arm over lips and pushed her chair back with a loud scraping noise. She turned and looked down at him and Sidney could see the whites of her eyes. She was in panic mode, it was clear in the tension in her jaw, the way her eyes were too round and in the jump of her heart rate as he reached out and slid his fingers around her wrist.

Her pulse was rapid, like a hummingbird was beating its' wings beneath her skin. She seemed…afraid, which was an entirely different turn of events for the last few days. Her moods had certainly swung between exhilarated and despondent; but fear? That had been his constant condition over the last few days while she had seemed confident and had been nothing if not assertive in all things. Now she stood before him, trembling, quaking in her shoes while she stared down at him like a doe in the headlights.

He had to say something, _do_ something to calm her nerves or his carefully planned evening was going to end in disaster. But what? What could he say when the truth clearly scared her to death? He could lie, tell her it was a joke and take her to bed, but he didn't just want to have sex again, no matter how mind blowing it might be. He was so past that point now that he couldn't see himself going back now.

If only she were like all those other girls who only wanted to hear those words from him….

But he didn't want those girls. He wanted _her_. He didn't understand it, didn't know yet what he was going to do to make this work, couldn't imagine how he was going to manage it, but he wanted her, with every cell in his body and he was used to getting what he wanted.

* * *

His skin was so warm it almost burned. She expected to see smoke rising from where his hand curled around his wrist, but there was only the warmth of his body so near hers', of his breath, of the melted caramel colour of his eyes and her heart beat so hard in her chest that it made it hard to breathe.

She felt panic rising in her throat as he stood, as he slid his arm around her waist and pulled her near to him. She told herself that it was asinine to feel like he was going to slit her throat when all he was going to do was kiss her and yet…and yet it felt the same. Even as he pressed his soft lips over hers' she had to fight the urge to claw at him and push him away.

"What?" he hissed, his lips still brushing hers' as his gaze angrily searched hers'. "What is it? What's so horrible about me?"

"Nothing," she replied honestly, her voice catching in her throat as she pressed her hands flat against his chest to give herself room enough to breathe.

"Nothing?" he growled, his fingers digging painfully into her upper arms like he wanted to shake her and maybe all that was stopping him was the alarm she could feel in her own expression. Taking a deep breath he slid his hands down her arms and reluctantly let go of her hands as he turned his back on her. She could see the tension in every sinew of every muscle in his body and her fingers twitched with the desire to smooth it away. "You have to give me some help here Meagan. You're sending me all kinds of signals and I'm not sure what you want from me right now." His voice was calm, but she could hear the note of barely controlled anger teeming beneath the surface.

Taking a deep breath she closed her eyes and willed her heart to slow, her breathing to match and her mind to clear. After one more deep breath she went back to her chair, not trusting her legs to hold her once she'd begun to speak, to explain.

"I don't want to…_feel_ like this," she began, smoothing the skirt of her dress over her thighs, wishing her hands would cease their trembling. "I don't want to have these feelings and then be left behind again." She felt the tears welling in her eyes as she admitted the truth aloud and waited breathlessly for his reaction. He seemed to stiffen, but there were none of the accusing looks she'd expected, none of the recriminations. He just waited.

"Who?" He didn't need to say who did it or who was he. She knew what he was asking, and he knew it.

"Someone…who I was close to," she explained, her voice pitching low as the emotions welling up in her chest threatened to choke off her breath.

"You loved him," he said in that matter of fact sort of way, his voice still calm, controlled. She nodded, not trusting that she could hold back the sob that she could feel sitting like a ball of steel wool in her throat. He turned then, and his hazel eyes searched hers' for a long moment, the anger seeping out of his gaze, replaced by something softer. "What happened?" he asked, slipping into the chair he'd been in before as he reached for her hand. She let him take her hands in both of his and felt the electric current jump from his skin to hers'.

"He was killed," she whispered, staring down at his hands, at the way her hands fit in his.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, giving her hands a squeeze that was as much about getting her to look up at him as it was about comforting her. She made herself raise her gaze to meet his, and it took a significant effort on her part not to burst into the kind of tears that would leave her a sobbing moaning wreck when she saw the tenderness and sympathetic understanding that met her in his eyes. "I'm not dying," he offered, his full lips turning up at the corners in the barest hint of a smile.

"You're leaving," she sighed, closing her eyes so that she didn't have to see the emotion filling his features that she was doing her best to suppress in her own.

"Not yet, and not forever," he replied, keeping his voice light and calm, like he was trying his best not to spook her, as if she was some kind of skittish filly, and she supposed that she must seem very like that to him. Still, she felt her teeth grinding in frustration at having tactics she would use with animas used against her. Not that she considered herself better than any of her own animals but it irked her just the same to think that she was so easily soothed by the tone of his voice, by the warmth of his skin, by the touch of his hands. She didn't want to be soothed, didn't want to be swayed. She wanted her walls and her barriers and her freedom. She did. And yet...and yet she wanted to crawl into his lap and have him put his arms around her and tell her everything was going to be alright. That was maybe the worst part of all, she wanted to the promise she could see in his eyes, she wanted to let go of all the hurt and pain and _feel_ again, she wanted to hear the words that he seemed to want to say. She wanted to have those giddy first rush of love feelings again, but she didn't want the pain, and there would be pain, there was _always_ pain.

"It won't work, there's no point," she muttered, withdrawing her hands from his and folding them protectively around herself as she got up and marched away from him, as she told herself that it was better this way, better to hurt a little now than a whole lot later.

* * *

He watched her walk away again and balled his hands into fists. This woman was so damn infuriating. He could practically see her building a wall around herself with brick and mortar as fast as he could pull it apart. But even as he told himself that it would be so much easier to leave he knew he couldn't just let go of her; that somehow she needed him and no matter how crazy this all seemed, that he needed her just as much. With a sigh he shook his hands out and pushed himself up to his feet and walked over to where she was standing, sliding his hands over her shoulders, feeling the tension beneath his fingers even as she melted back against him.

"I don't know how but...," he brushed his lips against the corner of her jaw, "I believe if we want something enough...," she shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut and he could feel her close herself off from him, feel the walls going up.

"Don't try and paint it all rose coloured, you don't know what will really happen," she began, but he only pulled her closer and kissed his way down her neck to her shoulder.

"Meagan," he breathed her name over her skin, her scent filling his head, heat radiating off of her skin in waves, "I feel...," he began, but she groaned and strained against his arms, trying to pull away.

"Noooo, don't say it, please," she whined, trying to hold off the words he knew by her reaction that she could already hear in her head, that she knew he was going to say.

"There's something I've learned," he said slowly, taking her hair down, pulling each pin carefully and setting them on the table before running his hands through it, soothing her, calming her until he could feel her relax against him again. "Sometimes, when I'm out on the ice and I see a guy coming towards me I really hope he's not going to hit me, but you know what?" She shook her head, just a small movement, small enough that he might have missed it if he hadn't been studying every single gesture every single bat of her eyelashes. Smiling to him self, he continued brushing her hair back and pressing his lips tenderly to the nape of her neck, "he hits me anyway. This is kinda like that. When a guy hits me out on the ice, if I go with it, it doesn't hurt as much. Maybe if you stop trying to fight me, maybe we can just concentrate on us."

"Us?" she sighed, sliding her hand over his where he held her around her waist, keeping her close to him. He laced his fingers with hers and reminded himself to move slowly, cautiously. Every time he tried to jump ahead she pulled away. He had to be patient if he had any chance at making this work the way he had visualized it in his head.

"I feel like, when we're together, that it feels really comfortable, don't you?" He had to get her to agree, to lead her to the answer he wanted to hear and knew that she felt even if she wasn't ready to say it out loud, yet. She nodded, that same minute movement while she remained silent and still in his arms. "When I touch you," he breathed, running his fingers gently over her shoulder, down to her collarbone and lower, watching goose-bumps race across her skin and feeling the correlating shiver run down her spine, heard her catch her breath as his hand slid over the fullness of her breast, "can you feel the energy?" he whispered, rolling her pebble hard nipple between his forefinger and thumb. Her only reply this time was a gasp and the tightening of her grip on his hand. "I think you feel it too, I mean, how well we fit together? How good this feels?" he asked, nearly breathless as her body rocked back against his, sending his blood pressure rocketing skyward. "Please tell me you don't think this happens every day because I can tell you right now, it's never happened to me before." He hard himself begging, his head reeling from a combination of the intoxicating aroma of her skin and the fire the press of her body against his was creating in him.

"I could fall so hard for you," she whispered, arching her neck and turning so he could just touch his lips to the corner of her full ones.

"Then fall," he whispered urgently, "because I am."


	9. Chapter 9

C9

It was his hands that lead her up the stairs, his hands that gently and slowly undressed her and his hands that urged her tenderly towards the bed. His soft kisses melted her into the sheets. His caresses stoked the fire under her skin. His whispered words eased her muscles and yet her mind still screamed 'no' even as her body rebelled. She wanted him and his burning gaze left no doubt in her mind about what he wanted.

She felt like the heroine in one of those cheap trashy romance novels except that she wasn't sure she wanted to be breathless or quivering with desire and she was certain that she didn't want to be falling hopelessly in love with the perfect man, a man she knew she couldn't ever truly hope to have for her own. And yet, as she looked up into his hazel eyes as he knelt over her, she felt her heart trying to claw its' way out of her chest towards him.

She shivered as he drew his fingertips down her cheek, and it wasn't just that electric current again, although she could feel it like static electricity jumping from her skin to his. Her body arched towards his touch, her lips parting as his thumb lightly traced the edges of her mouth. As she rolled her tongue around his thumb, watching his eyes squeeze shut and his full plump lips part as he drew in a ragged breath, she knew with a sense of absolute certainty that her body would never react like this again for any other man and that she was his, he had only to ask.

She searched his exquisite face, waiting for the feeling of impending doom to wash over her, but it didn't come. Instead she traced the lines of his sharp high cheek bones with her gaze, felt herself smile at the bump in his nose and frown at the tiny scar on his chin. She watched lines form on his forehead as he concentrated, the tips of his ears turning red as he moved above her.

He wasn't perfect. He was too young and stubborn and unavailable and besides, she didn't believe in prince charming or happy endings. She was too fond of saying good things don't happen to good people. It was a sentiment she firmly believed and yet as she looked up at him, as she slid her fingertips up over his shoulders and offered her lips to his, she felt again the stirrings of that thing she had so long believed was lost to her forever.

She was in love. She loved him. This man boy, this imperfect, stubborn creature who had appeared on her doorstep like an abandoned puppy had stolen her heart, a heart she had believed had ceased to beat on that dark rainy night that now seemed so long ago , that had, before she met him, only seemed like yesterday.

What was worse, if there could be anything worse than the ache of a regenerated heart, was the way he was looking at her as he cradled her face between his hands.

* * *

He watched a tear escape the corner of her eye, but he wasn't worried, after all, she was smiling. What was more, as he laced his fingers in hers', stretching their arms out as they neared the crescendo of the dance, she was letting him lead.

Since that first night in the clinic the sex had been more like a battle, more like a match in the WWE than anything else. Not that he had any complaints. It was hot, her fighting for supremacy, to be on top, to be in control. He didn't mind, he actually enjoyed watching her ride him, her body flushed with passion, a slight sheen of sweat making her body glisten in the moonlight. It didn't dampen his spirits in any to have her in control.

But he liked this better. There was so much of his life that he had no control over. Like when he was completely at the mercy of the other team, the ref, Therrien, even the fans. Pinning her below him like this, being the one to set the momentum and the depth of his thrusts made all of this so much better, so much more intense.

That, and tonight he'd wanted to be the one to let her know he could take care of her, in every way. He wanted to be the one to make her back bow and her eyes roll back in her head. He wanted to be sure it was him that decided when and how often her body would shudder and quake. But more than anything, he wanted to be looking into her eyes, wanted to see the truth in her eyes when he lead her over the edge. Tonight he didn't want her to be able to hide behind her hair or turn her face away.

And so he held her beneath him, pinning her with his body, with his hands, and willed her silently not look away but to keep with him, to share this moment with him. He wanted to watch her when he brought her to orgasm, but more than that, he wanted to fall over the edge with her and prayed that he would have the strength and the will power to stay with her, to keep their gazes locked, to feel and see _everything_.

STill, one thought kept creeping back into his consciousness no matter how hard he tried to think about something else. One phrase repeated itself over and over in his head and as she dug her nails into his back and cried out his name. He heard himself whisper the words.

"I love you."

He waited for her to say it back to him, fighting the growing panic as he held her close and she remained silent in his arms. He studied her face for a clue, for a sign. He watched her lips thin out, and then her glance slid sideways, and his heart sank. "You can't even say it, can you?" He'd seen it in her eyes, or at least he thought he had, but now was forced to watch her turn away from him entirely, squeezing her eyes shut as if she was trying to make him disappear by wishing him away.

"No," she whispered, her voice tight, sounding so final. It hurt him to hear it and yet no matter how certain she sounded he could not, _would no,_ accept it.

* * *

The silence drew out and she waited for him to say something but he didn't even seem to breathe. His body was so close to hers' but his chest neither rose nor fell, and he was just... still. When she gathered the courage to look up at him she could see he was fighting the hurt and anger she had caused. He was thinking about leaving, she could see the idea form as he shifted his gaze to where his jeans hung at the end of the bed, but just as quickly as the thought formed, it blew away like a dandelion in the wind as he dismissed it with the shake of his head. He was stubborn and she knew that he'd already made up his mind to stay.

"We could make it work," he offered, guessing at the root of her fear, and his guess struck close to home.

"Make what work?" she began, forcing herself to meet his eager gaze. "This?" she only had to flick her gaze at him for him to nod eagerly like a hopeful puppy and she had to bite back the hysterical laughter that bubbled up in her chest. "_This_ isn't even real. This isn't _your_ real life. _I_ would never fit into _your_ real life."

He looked hurt again. His eyes darkening like storm clouds passing across the sun.

"You could, if you wanted to." He said it like a dare. As if they were in the school yard playing a game. Only this was not a game, it was her heart and it was already broken, and Meagan had been done playing with it long ago.

"You'll go home to your life and forget about me," she raised her fingers and pressed them against his plump pink lips to silence the argument she knew would come. "Don't say you won't. You have so much going on, so many distractions. Even if you didn't mean to, it wouldn't take long. "He shook his head, his dark curls falling into his forehead. " Can't we just have this? Can't we just enjoy this for what it is and not...not try and make it something it's not?" she begged, feeling the tears welling in her eyes, and willing them not fall. If they fell, and he held her...she didn't know if she could keep the wall up, even though she was adding bricks as fast as she could.

"You're wrong," he whispered, his lips velvet soft against her hand. She closed her eyes and let him hold her, let his arms pull her close, let his body envelop hers'. It was comforting and it would be so easy to get used to, but he was leaving and they both knew it.

"You'll go in the morning, when I'm doing my chores, you'll go," she urged, shutting her eyes tight against the yearning in his eyes and turning away from him, rolling onto her side but not before he curled his body around hers', his arm pulling her tight to him. She felt his soft lips pressing to the back of her shoulder, and the solidness of his body pressed to the length of hers'.

"I'm not going _anywhere_," he whispered fiercely. She believed that _he_ believed it but she didn't. She knew better. Men leave. They always leave.

Closing her eyes she willed her body to still, her breathing to slow, and sleep to take her, gnashing her teeth against the safety and warmth she felt in his arms.

* * *

She'd honestly expected to find him gone when she woke. He could tell just by the way her jaw tensed when her eyes opened to find him lying next to her. He leaned in to kiss her lips and felt her stiffen under his touch. She was withdrawing, building the wall, trying to protect herself. He could understand, had laid awake half the night trying to think his way around her thick and high defences. In the end he'd given in to the pull of sleep.

But now, as he looked into her emerald eyes, to the fear that was swirling behind them, his competitive streak reared its' head again. Cradling her cheek in his hand he kissed her softly, even though she didn't kiss him back, and then smiled down into her anxious eyes.

"You can't stay broken forever Meagan," he hissed, using a tone he usually kept for opposing defensemen that took their job a little too far.

"You can't stay here forever Sidney," she sighed, turning her beautiful face from his and closing her eyes. She couldn't look at him and say it. He was making progress.

"I'm here now," he whispered, feeling his own breathing hitch as he leaned in to brush his lips against her jaw. "You said we could have this, have now. Don't turn away from me Meagan," he urged gently, pulling her to him, under him. In the face of defeat, compromise; it was something he'd been taught and he would use it, even if he didn't mean it. He felt her shudder when he kissed her neck and he could feel her body yielding to his. Now if only her mind would give in as easily.

She succumbed as gracefully as she did the night before, her body soft and yielding as they made love, her eyes eagerly drinking him in, scanning his face as he moved above her. Her fingertips lovingly traced his lips, brushed his cheeks as if she were trying to memorize his expressions, as if she would miss them. He knew he would miss her red lips, her thick Chestnut mane and jade green eyes.

Not that he had to miss her.

If only he could make her see how it _could_ work. Not that he'd figured it out, not yet. But it _had_ to work. He'd _make _it work. After all, he had _people_, people that were only too happy to do things for him, do favours, make things work for him. And if not him, Mario knew even more people, could call in even more favours. Mario seemed to be able to make things happen in Pittsburgh and Sidney felt sure that he could help with something as small as buying a veterinary practice. After all, people in Pittsburgh had dogs and cats too.

Looking down into her jade green eyes he tried to hide his excitement, for now. There would be time later, when she was working, to make arrangements. He could tell her later, when they were alone again, and then she'd see. It _could_ work. It would all work out.

For now, he cradled her body close, moving slowly, watching her as she tilted her chin up, biting on her bottom lip as he found that spot again, that spot that made her gasp and whisper his name. He couldn't be without this, _wouldn't_ be without this.

"I love you," he whispered, brushing his lips along the line of her jaw until they met the shell of her ear. "I love you Meagan," he sighed as her body convulsed around his and with a mighty groan he poured himself into her. Her arms wrapped around him and held him close, her body shuddering but silent. She whispered his name and he convinced himself that when she did, she meant to say the words he wanted to hear, and that she would, later, when he told her all his plans. She would. She'd be as happy as he was now. They'd be happy, together. He was sure of it.


	10. Chapter 10

I just want to say a big thank you to those of you who have been cheering me on and submitting reviews and comments. It gives me a reason to keep doing this and also to know there are others out there who get my mania is huge.

C10

He was devastatingly handsome, absurdly rich and by all accounts the most talented hockey player in the world. He was also kind, polite and good natured, with a quick smile and a goofy laugh that reminded her that he was young, so very young. Too young to want to tie himself down to anyone with as much baggage as she had Meagan thought as she watched his steady hands ruffling Stanley's fur.

She couldn't believe that no one had come to claim him, the dog that is. Sid, on the other hand, had had so many calls he'd locked his phone in her desk in the clinic. It seemed there were plenty of people who wanted to claim _him_. He just wasn't ready to be claimed, yet. Or rather he was...but she didn't want to think about that.

She wished he'd leave. Watching him out of the corner of her eye she felt that familiar weight settling down on her chest. She longed to reach out across the golden fur of the dog where he lounged between them on the couch and lace her fingers in his. Her hands had developed a mind of their own today. More than once she'd found herself reaching out to touch him, stroke his face or brush an errant dark curl from his pale skin. If he stayed any longer she knew she would break, that she would be right back in the deep dark pit of despair that she'd only just begun to climb out of.

She directed her attention back to the movie, or at least she pretended to watch the screen while she fought the rising panic that threatened to cut off her breath. One day, her mother had promised, one day she would find that she had moved on and that Brad's memory would fade. Not go, just fade. Meagan hadn't believed it. She remembered the anger she felt at her mother's bemused smile that said she knew better.

But now she understood and knew that her mother had been right after all. She could feel it, Brad's memory being chipped away at, replaced by the waterfall of emotions that Sidney represented.

Even the plans she and Brad had made for the clinic, to work side by side and build the business together with Brad working on the large animals and Meagan on the household pets was changing. That dream had a new focus now as Sidney worked beside her in the barn and just his presence in the office had her imagining a different life, a new life. She could imagine him coming home after a game to help with the last rounds, finding her at her desk, talking over the game while they did the last feeds, administered the last meds of the day.

Closing her eyes she wished the visions away. They were nothing more than day dreams. He wasn't real. This wasn't real. They didn't have a future. He would leave in the morning, this time she was certain of it. She'd seen him pack his things, over heard the hushed phone calls. He was meeting someone. They were flying out in the morning. This daydream would finally be over. She could go back to her real life; her mundane little life. He would go back to his exciting life and he would forget all about her.

She was fine with that, really.

* * *

Things were not going the way he'd planned. Sidney sighed as he watched her out of the corner of his eye. His heart felt heavy. It wasn't going to be as easy as he'd thought to bring her to Pittsburgh. There were a lot more hoops to go through than he'd anticipated. There was licensing, for one thing, tests that she'd have to pass. Not to mention a green card. There were processes, or so he'd been told, plenty of paper work to fill out. It could take months.

If they were married it would be easier, or so he'd been told. He tried to hide a smile as he turned his attention back to the TV. Asking her to come to Pittsburgh was one thing, asking her to marry him would probably give her a stroke. She was already fighting to keep her distance from him, which he could understand, although it did aggravate him. After all, _he_ had gotten over _his_ fear and come back to be with her and he wasn't the one hiding his feelings. He just wished she could let her walls down for once and tell him what she was really feeling, especially as tonight was their last night.

He hadn't told her. He didn't think he needed to. She'd watched him disappear time and again all day, his cell phone practically glued to the side of his head. There were so many plans to make, so many events he had to be a part of in the next few days. He had so many duties, things he knew he couldn't get out of. People were counting on him, expecting him, least of those his team mates.

He wished he could change it. He wished they had more time or even that he could make the time slow down or better yet, stand still. But like it or not, it was almost time to go. He had to leave early in the morning and it hurt not to know when or if he would ever see her again, and it hurt even more not to know if she cared.

No, that wasn't true. He knew she cared, felt it in his bones. He'd learned a long time ago to trust his instincts and his knew that she did care. Still, he couldn't help thinking it would be nice to hear it from her lips before he had to leave.

Reaching over Stanley he laced his fingers in hers' and lifted the back of her hand to his mouth. He pressed his lips to her knuckles and watched her from the corner of his eye. She tensed, her teeth clamping down, her gaze locked on the TV, but she wasn't watching it, he could tell.

He turned her hand over, pressing his lips to the inside of her wrist and she bit down on her full bottom lip, tugging it between her teeth as he kissed his way up to the inside of her elbow. Her eyes fluttered shut and she let out a shuddering sigh.

"Stop it," she mumbled, her eyes fluttering open as she turned to him, her gaze slowly focussing on his. "Stop trying to force me to do it." Her eyes flashed a warning that he ignored, unfolding her palm and placing a tender kiss at its' centre, his gaze locked to hers'. He hadn't meant to make her cry but the tears were welling in her eyes all the same.

"I'm going to miss you," he whispered, kissing the tip of each of her fingers, slowly and deliberately while he watched her struggle to keep her emotions in check.

"Stop," she whispered, her voice sounding like it was stuck in her throat. He knew what that felt like. He'd had the same problem nearly all day. Even now he could feel the tightness in his chest growing as she tugged on her arm but he held it firm in his own grasp. Maybe too firmly, he could feel the tension in his jaw as his gaze searched hers'. "You're scaring Stanley," she said breathlessly as the Golden began to wag his tail and whine between them.

Reluctantly he let go of her arm and dug his fingers into the dog's thick coat, massaging his muscles until he settled again. Sid stared at the TV, unseeing, fighting the exasperation that had him grinding his teeth. He wished the dog wasn't between them, but it seemed appropriate. Dog, invisible wall, it was all the same. She wasn't going to let him in....

"It doesn't matter," she whispered, jerking his attention away from the spot on the wall that he'd been focussing on. She was staring at the TV, but her eyes were glassy, unfocussed. "If I have...feelings or not," she added, wiping the back of her hand beneath her nose before dropping her attention to her lap. He watched her, his pulse pounding as he waited, hardly daring to breathe. She chewed on her bottom lip, and then her thumb nail before slowly turning her eyes to meet his. "Why? Why does it matter?" she asked, her voice so small it was really only a squeak.

"It matters to me," he replied just as quietly, too aware that her eyes were too wide, that her bottom lip was quivering.

"Why?" she asked again, her breathing too fast, tears spilling from her green eyes.

"Because," he replied slowly, keeping his voice low and steady as he got off the couch and went over to kneel in front of where she was sitting. "Because I need to know that you're going to be here for me," he continued, reaching up to brush her dark hair from her pale skin. She flinched at his touch, drawing back, but he reached out and grabbed her arm, hard. He was not letting go this time, not until she told him what he needed to hear.

* * *

She glanced down at where his fingers where digging into her arm and then back up into his hazel eyes. She was afraid of the determination in his gaze, afraid of the pain it prophesied, not the pain his hand offered, that she could bear.

He was full of contradictions. His hand was cool where it cradled her cheek, hot where it gripped her arm. He wanted her to profess her love for him, but he would still leave in the morning.

It seemed so unfair.

"You don't even _know_ me," she mumbled, trying to look away but his other hand flew up to cradle her other cheek, forcing her face him.

"Know you?" She knew, even with her eyes downcast, that he was chewing the corner of his lip, the spot where he had a scar or maybe it was a callous, a raised spot that wasn't the same candy pink colour of the rest of his lips. She felt the pressure of his hands on her cheeks as he waited for her to meet his gaze, and reluctantly she raised her eyes, ashamed of the tears she could not hold back. "I've watched you here, every day, _been_ here with you, every day." He tightened his grip on her face. It almost hurt, but the earnestness and hope in his hazel eyes made her forget the pressure of his fingers.

"You don't know what I've been through," she began before he silenced her with a kiss that left her blinking and light headed.

"I know that you're hurt," he whispered insistently, "but I didn't hurt you and I'm not dying. I will come back for you, _I swear_." She wanted to tell him not to swear, not to make promises he could not keep, but she could clearly see that he believed it, even if she did not.

"I'll lose you," she admitted quietly, shutting off her gaze from the fire in his eyes making them glow gold. A lion's eyes, the eyes of a man eating hunter.

"You can't lose me if I won't let go," he whispered against her lips, his voice husky yet relieved as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her down onto his lap and cradling her against his chest. "And I won't let go," he added, pressing his lips to her forehead, "_ever_."


	11. Chapter 11

C11

"I'll call," he promised, his hand cradling her cheek as he gazed into her green eyes. The wall was already going back up. He could see the bricks being piled up as he leaned in to press his lips to hers'. "As soon as I get in, I'll call, promise." She shrugged, causing the slick satin fabric of her robe to slide against his other hand where it rested on her waist, holding her close. "Promise me you'll think about Sweden, I'd like to have you there," he reminded her, pushing a strand of her still wet hair from their last shower behind her ear. She nodded, mutely, her expression blank as if she had already dismissed him and was retreating behind her high defensive wall. "Meagan?" he whispered, lifting her chin and searching her gaze.

"What do you want me to say Sidney? Have a good trip? Practice hard? Be nice to the puck bunnies and they'll be nice to you?" The venom in her voice was new but not entirely unexpected.

"You _could_ say what you said last night," he smiled, or tried to. He hadn't expected to be choked up like this. He had to get a hold of himself. She made a face and ducked her head, avoiding his gaze.

"Once wasn't enough?" she sighed, tugging at her robe and eyeing his SUV idling in the drive way with an anxious look. Sliding his hand around to cup the back of her head, he pulled her to his chest, wrapping his arms around her and chuckling.

"If I remember correctly, and you did distract me a few times, you said it more than once," he grinned, remembering the exact timbre of her voice as she'd whimpered the words, her body convulsing beneath his. He felt her body melt against his, her arms sliding around him. He liked the feeling, he wanted to remember it. Closing his eyes he inhaled the clean warm scent of the curve of her neck, the apple blossom smell of her hair and tried to memorize it.

"So I love you, don't let it swell your head," she mumbled, her bottom lip sticking out, making him want to bite down on it. He smiled and held her at arms' length, feeling his heart swell as he saw the flicker of a smile on her lips when she looked up at him.

"I'll try not to," he grinned, running his fingertips down her cheek, taking one long last look at the woman who made his heart feel like he'd just done an hour of wind sprints, like it was going to burst out of his chest and land at her feet. Turning his attention down to the dog sitting patiently at the spot he wanted to place his heart, he patted the Golden on his head. "Look after her Stanley, don't let anyone sweet talk her while I'm away. I'm counting on you buddy. " The dog wagged his tail, his tongue lolling out of the side of his mouth as he looked adoringly up at him.

His cell phone buzzed in his pocket. It was time to go.

"Go, go," she smiled, and even though she was doing her best to look calm, cool and collected, he could see the tears beginning to shimmer in her eyes.

"It won't be long, I promise, we'll figure something out." he touched his lips to hers' quickly before letting go of her cheek.

"Whatever. Just go," she sighed, trying to look bored, crossing her arms in front of her chest, but a single silver tear escaped, sliding down her cheek. He caught the tear on the pad of his thumb and wished for a moment he could bottle it, keep it safe somewhere to remind him that she cared. With a half a smile he kissed her forehead and then turned to go, telling himself not to look back, not to watch her close the door.

But as he pulled the Land Rover out of the parking lot of the clinic, he allowed himself one last look, and found her standing in the window, her hand on the drape, watching him go. The moment she realized he was watching, she pulled the drape closed and disappeared behind it. He fought the urge to turn the SUV around and go back to her, back into her arms, back into her bed. He had to go. People were waiting for him. He had responsibilities.

He just had to figure out a way to make room for her in his life and in Pittsburgh for her. There had to be a way.

* * *

The side of the tub was cool where she rested her cheek but she didn't dare give up hold of the toilet seat. She'd need it again, soon. It was hard to hold onto both and keep hold of the tequila bottle though. Of course she could just drink the rest of the bottle. There wasn't that much left in it.

"Don't you think that you've had enough?" Tess reached for the bottle as she lifted to her lips but Meagan kept it just out of her grasp.

"You're not my mom," she rasped, giving her friend a dirty look through her bangs before tipping the bottle to her lips.

"No, if I was your mom I'd be fighting you for that bottle," Tess sighed from her perch on the counter by the sink where she was filing her nails and watching Meagan disapprovingly.

"MMMMmmmm," was all Meagan could manage while she fought to keep the amber liquid down.

"That's not going to help you know," Tess added, without tearing her gaze away from her French manicure. "You're just going to wake up with a headache and you're still going to be unhappy and alone." Meagan shot her another evil glance and upended the bottle, draining the last of its' contents before coughing and sputtering while she let the bottle roll from her hands onto the tile floor. "Elegant. Really, very pretty."

"You have someone, you always have someone," Meagan pointed out, wiping the back of her hand across her mouth. "You don't know...you don't know what it's like."

"What it's like to lose someone? Oh yeah, 'cuz you've got the market cornered on misery," Tess sighed, turning the file over and continuing to ignore the evil glances Meagan was shooting her. "Nobody else in the history of the world has ever lost anyone. Poor Meagan."

"I didn't ask for you to be here," Meagan growled, taking a deep breath through her nose and fighting the rolling sense of nausea as her blood pressure rose again.

"Someone has to hold your hair back while you puke," Tess sighed, laying the file down and hopping off her perch as Meagan grabbed hold of the sides of the toilet and heaved. Tess dragged her fingers through her hair, pulling it back to her neck and holding it away from the bowl, from the foul smelling liquid mess spilling into the cold water. At least she'd gotten rid of the ice cream and pie earlier. That mixture had been worse. This was mostly just alcohol and bile.

"Thanks," Meagan coughed, reaching for a towel to wipe her mouth before laying her cheek against the side of the tub, smiling as the cool porcelain hit her cheek. It felt good. She thought she could go to sleep like this. Sleep and not dream. That would be good.

* * *

"Everything's just as you left it," Nathalie smiled, leaning in the doorway of his room. Sidney looked over his bags at her and tried to summon a smile and failed. Nathalie's eyes narrowed as her maternal radar went off. He could tell. She'd looked at him like that before. "Something wrong Sidney?"

"No," he lied, shaking his head and digging into his bag for a pair of shorts to wear to the golf tournament in the morning.

"Don't worry about the reporters," she walked into his room, something she did rarely. She didn't believe in invading the sanctity of his space. "Nobody really thinks less of you for living with us. It's a big place. And you know now that you're twenty-one the house rules don't really apply." Sidney nodded, agreeing although that had anything to do with what he'd actually been thinking about.

He could hear Nathalie fidgeting with his sheets and feel her eyes on his back. He didn't like to lie to her, she'd gone out of her way to look after him and stay out of his life at the same time and it seemed disloyal somehow to keep something like this from her. Still, until he could straighten this all out in his mind and talk to a real estate agent and his lawyer....

"It's about the girl isn't it?" Nathalie's hands slid over his shoulders, and without waiting for a response, she pressed her lips to his cheek and gave him a hard squeeze, pressing her warm cheek to his temple. "I'm so happy for you. I was beginning to worry about you."

"Worry?" he asked, turning to her as she lets go of him, but she didn't answer, just whistled her way down the hallway. Sid listened to the sound of her flip flops receding into the distance and smiled to himself. There wasn't going to be many who were going to be happy for him about this, so it felt good to know that he would have at least one person in his corner.

Tossing the rest of his clothing in the drawers, he turned to his computer, a weight lifting off of his chest as he waited for it to boot up. He had some research to do before he called Meagan but suddenly it seemed like everything was going to be alright.


	12. Chapter 12

C12

"It's been weeks," Meagan fought to keep her professional composure and hold back the tears that threatened to fall as she suspiciously eyed the young family in front of her.

"We were on vacation," the young woman explained, looking anxious. "My parents have never had dogs. They just assumed…well the worst." Meagan watched her hand fall onto the top of the head of the dark haired boy clinging to her side looking up at her with the same cinnamon coloured eyes.

"I put out bulletins, posted pictures on craigslist, at other clinics and shelters," she clenched her teeth and tried not to sound too disapproving.

"We're sorry, and we're prepared to pay the bill and for any…extras," the young man looked hopeful, holding up a black cheque book and pen for her to see. "Our son was devastated when we came home and Rusty was gone." Rusty? She thought of the golden hue of Stanley's coat and sighed.

"He's settled into a routine. There was a lot of therapy…," she explained, pursing her lips and jamming her hands into the pockets of her lab coat to so the family couldn't see her curling her hands into fists. Even as she said it she knew she wasn't really going to deny the family their dog. She could see the angst-ridden looks they were giving her and it made her feel like the Grinch. She just couldn't imagine not having him around to remind her of _him_.

"We're sorry for any trouble we've put you to," the man said, biting nervously at the corner of his bottom lip, just like Sidney.

"But grateful, so grateful," the woman's voice shook as she blinked away a tear. Meagan felt her chest tighten. She knew what it was like to lose something you love.

"Mamma? Is Rusty here?" All eyes went to the little boy as he tugged on his mother's pant leg. Meagan felt his parents' eyes on her. The room was silent as she fought the panic rising in her chest.

"Of course he's here," she sighed, giving up and giving in. "Tess will settle your bill with you, however it works for you," she added, turning on her heel and disappearing into the back rooms. She could hear the thump of Stanley's tail on the linoleum floor of her office as she reached the door. She froze, her hand on the door.

It was the last thing she had of him. He hadn't left anything behind. He'd said he'd left his heart but he hadn't called. Now this….

"Hey guy." She forced a smile on her face. She'd seen reunions before. She knew he'd be happy, and by the look of the young family in her waiting room, loved and adored. It was better for him, and after all, wasn't that what it was supposed to be about really? "Got a surprise for you," she added, scratching him under the chin as he wagged his tail, his pink tongue lolling out of the side of his mouth.

She felt the tears spring to her eyes. Men leave, they all leave, even the furry ones.

"You're doing the right thing," Tess laid a comforting hand on Meagan's back, "if that helps at all."

"Not really," Meagan admitted, digging her fingers into the dog's thick coat.

"He'll come back," Tess insisted quietly.

"He can't. He's living his life, doing his job." Meagan corrected her, laying her cheek on the top of the dog's head while he wagged his tail.

"He calls doesn't he?" Tess rubbed Meagan's shoulder, digging her fingers into the muscles that Meagan was holding tense, the same spot he'd been able to work out, the spot she didn't think would ever be able to be eased again. "I mean he did say he was working on some things didn't he?"

"He's just saying that, it's what you say."Meagan stiffened and Stanley's tail stopped wagging. "C'mon, time to go boy."

He walked next to her, matching her stride, just as she'd taught him to do. He didn't even need a leash now he was so well behaved. He hardly even limped anymore and once his coat grew in fully you wouldn't even see the scar. He was a good dog. She'd miss him.

She braced herself as the door swung open to the waiting room. She knew what to expect, but still it hurt when Stanley…no, they'd called him Rusty, squealed and charged towards the boy's open arms. Chewing on the inside of her cheek, she kept her hands deep in the pockets of her lab coat. She didn't trust herself not to drag him away from the tearful reunion in front of her. She had to count slowly in her head to keep herself from screaming.

"Thank you, thank you. You've no idea how worried we were." Meagan wouldn't meet the mother's relieved gaze. If she did, she knew she'd cry, and if she cried, she thought she might never stop.

"Tess will help you with your bill." Shooting them a quick fake smile she turned on her heel and strode out of the office, out through the back door and across the yard to the stables.

* * *

"Where's your 'ead Crosby? Who was 'hat paz tu?"

He heard Therrien yell at him from the bench and even thought it should have been by now, it wasn't a sound he could get used to. He looked down at his hands, at his stick, as if they were something foreign from him and it felt like they were. They'd let him down. They were always letting him down lately.

Okay, not always. They'd had a game or two where things had come together for them, but those had seemed few and far between lately. It wasn't just him. He knew the whole team seemed out of sorts. Things just didn't fit. As much as he tried to ignore it, there were pieces missing. It had hurt, not physically but emotionally to have Ruuts press him into the ice in that last game in Sweden. Not once but twice. And Hossa...by that he just felt betrayed.

He wasn't supposed to take it personally. That's what Mario and Therrien told him. Players come and go. You make the most out of what you have at the time. It was a perfectly good sentiment but it didn't feel real right now as he watched his team struggle out on the ice. Everyone was looking at him to make it better and he couldn't find his stride. He was gripping his stick too tight, getting frustrated too easily. They made excuses for him, from being sick to being injured but none of it was true.

He missed her. Even thinking about her now it felt like his bones hurt. Sure they'd talked on the phone a time or two but it wasn't the same. Their conversations always seemed formal and strained. Like he was talking to someone he didn't know, which he supposed was true. They were strangers to one another but it didn't make it feel any better to think of it that way.

Just like having Scary Gary, Crash, Army, Big Georges, Hoss and Ruuts out of the line up felt like he was missing an arm, not having her in his arms at night felt like he was missing his heart, his lungs. He wasn't seeing the ice the same. He was too easily distracted and far too easily riled. It wasn't a good combination.

If he could talk about it maybe it would be easier but there wasn't anyone on the team whose opinion didn't lean to the 'bitch stole your mojo' estimation. None of his 'friends' were supportive. There was Nathalie and his mom, and surprisingly his little sister Taylor. She was finally coming out of her all boys are gross years and into her Zach Effron is hot years. With all the years there were in between them, he'd never really been able to talk to Taylor about anything. Now she understood, even if she did think it was kind of funny.

"What's so funny about this game?" Therrien growled in his ear, wiping the smirk off of Sidney's lips. "Get out there and be useful 'uh?"

Sidney dejectedly climbed over the boards. He had a job to do, like it or not. Life didn't stop, not even for Sidney Crosby.

* * *

"Hey Grover." She unlocked the stall and settled herself into the warm hay next to the colt. He was filling out nicely she thought as he inspected her lab coat and scrubs. Glancing up she found Snow watching her out of the corner of one eye and thought the mare wasn't greeting her so much as thinking 'oh not you again.' Chuckling she dug her feet into the hay and reached into her pocket for the sugar cubes she'd grabbed earlier.

Sometimes even horses needed bribes.

She held her hand out for Snow and she could swear the mare's attitude changed as her velvet snout sniffed at her fingers before taking the glistening white cubes.

"At least I still have you huh?" Meagan leaned in and inhaled the musky warm scent from the center of the colt's forehead, closing her eyes in bliss. Yes, at least there was still this one thing she could hold onto that reminded her of him. This colt born on the very morning he first came to her. After all, he was the one who had decided his name. "Isn't that right Grover? Hmmm? Who's a good boy?"

The mare searched her pockets and hands, looking for more sweet treats, and then, finding none, nosed the colt awat from her. Meagan sighed and chuckled.

"Et tu Brutus?"

Leaning her head back, she closed her eyes and imagined him here with her. She could still picture him as he had been that night. His skin turned golden by the reflection off the straw. His hair falling in dark curls onto his forehead, moving over her, his gaze holding hers' as they made love. It had been as if they were the only two lovers on earth. As if no one else existed. As if there was no other world but this.

Except there was and hers' was as empty as it had ever been. She'd done her best to protect her fragile heart, but in the end, he'd taken it with him; back to his world where he was a star surrounded by friends and admirers. He had left her behind. They all did. Men leave. That's what they do.

* * *

"Tell me you didn't do what I think you just did," Jordy looked down the bench at him with accusing eyes as Sidney rubbed at the spot on his thigh that was smarting.

"What's that?" he heard himself asking, wincing as Satan slid down the bench and bumped him.

"Tell me our fearless leader didn't just bail because we're sucking out there." Jordy glared at him and Sidney felt the heat of shame burn his cheeks.

"It hurts," he hissed back, glaring at his friend and willing him to silence but Jordy only shook his head and pursed his Steven Tyler lips at him.

"I've seen you take worse and not even lose a stride," Max added, not even turning his head to look at him, which said more than words ever could.

They didn't understand. No one did. It was hard enough to play with missing pieces but when things were going wrong...it was just worse. But how could he explain that to them? They would just laugh if he told them that his heart wasn't in it.

He loved hockey. Everyone knew he loved to play. But tonight...tonight he was missing her and it hurt, hurt worse than a bruise from blocking a shot, worse than his hip had already been hurting before he was checked and worse than his neck from being clotheslined in front of the bench. He was hurting, but he could deal with they physical pain. He could skate through it. He'd done it before. He just couldn't get past the emptiness in his chest.

He missed her. But they wouldn't understand that.

"I think I need to sit out," he explained to the surprise of Therrien and everyone else on the bench. He ignored the feeling of the stares at his back as he headed down the corridor. Regular people did it all the time, called in sick when they couldn't face work. Sidney had never thought he was one of those people but now he knew that he was. He wasn't superhuman. He was just a man, a regular man, and tonight, maybe he just needed to hear her voice. But maybe that would just make things worse....

Tomorrow would be better. It had to be.


	13. Chapter 13

*just a note to say thanks again for the encouragement. I've been suffering some writer's block trying to figure out how to get Meagan into Sid's life in a realistic way so thanks for bearing with me

C13

"You're her, right?" Meagan smiled to herself at the petulant sound in the girls' voice.

"Well now let's see. How about you tell me who you're looking for and I guess we'll find out." Meagan looked up from the computer screen and the research that she'd been doing and searched the young woman's face. It was so hard to tell these days if you were still looking at a child or a young woman. Girls grew up too fast. "How can I help?"

She was nondescript as far as tweens go, which for this part of the world was not entirely unusual. Most parents here had no idea how adult their tween could look with a little make up, a curling iron and a push up bra. This girl, however, was more like most of the horsey small town girls Meagan had seen come into her practice with a cat or dog in tow, long hair pulled back in a simple pony tail, peaches and cream complexion wearing simple jeans and a t-shirt. But there was something about her eyes that had Meagan's fingers poised and frozen over her keyboard.

"My brother's pretty stupid when it comes to girls," the cherub faced girl continued, digging in the back pocket of her jeans for a folded envelope which she then pushed across the desk towards her. "Normally I wouldn't care but right now, he needs you." Meagan stared at the badly creased paper and then back up at the impatience in the girl's face. "He doesn't know I bought it, if that's what you're going to ask, but don't worry, we can afford it. But then you probably know that."

"You're Taylor," Meagan said softly, turning her chair so that she was fully facing her, giving the girl her complete and undivided attention.

"So he does talk about something other than hockey. That's good to know," she put her hands on her barely formed hips and tilted her head to one side so her sandy brown hair spilled over her shoulder. "You're pretty."

"Not really," Meagan sighed, wishing she'd done something other than pull her own hair back in the sever bun she usually did for surgery hours. If she'd known she was going to meet 'the family' she'd have at least worn it in the same kind of pony tail his little sister was wearing, which made her peer around the girl for any sign of Tina and Troy.

"They aren't here. I took a bus. I hope you know it took a long time to get here," Taylor added with a roll of the same cinnamon coloured eyes that haunted Meagan's dreams. "So are you going to just sit there, or are you going to go? I mean, you have been watching him _suck_ haven't you?" Meagan couldn't help but smile at the condescending tone in his little sister's voice. Meagan realized that it must seem so simple to Taylor, as if her showing up in his life was some kind of necessary booster shot, but as she looked back at the screen waiting for her attention, Meagan knew that it wasn't.

"I haven't really had time," Meagan sighed. "I mean to watch a whole game," she felt it necessary to add that caveat because it seemed wrong to lie to his little sister. Watching the highlights on her newly ordered NHL channel didn't make him feel any closer, and sometimes, when they interviewed him, it just hurt.

"Well, for your information, my brother doesn't usually suck," Taylor sighed, giving her that look that plainly said she thought Meagan was obviously as stupid as her brother about these things.

"So I'm told," Meagan couldn't help but smile as she thought about the way Tess had been when she'd tried to explain the greatness that is Sidney Crosby to her. Even watching all of those high lights on you-tube and even the video that she'd ordered on line didn't make her feel like she knew him any better. She knew the private Sidney, _her_ Sidney, and he didn't seem the same as the one that he showed the sports reporters and everyone else that stuck a camera in his face.

"Hello? So are you just going to sit there and stare into space or are you going to get on a plane? Because they're staying in St. Louis and he needs you so...what are you going to do about it?" Meagan opened her mouth to explain that she had a business to run and it wasn't that easy but then she closed it again. "I'm even giving you my pass, so you can get past the security and they won't ask too many questions. So?"

Meagan stared at the plastic id tag Taylor pushed onto the counter and thought, hard. For a few days now she'd been walking around in a sort of daze. Other than Snow and Grover, she didn't care much about any of the animals that came in her door. She'd been going through the motions but she wasn't really doing the animals or herself any good. Not since Stanley had gone, and though she missed Stanley, she knew that the haze she was walking around in wasn't really about a dog.

"Can you look after horses?" she asked, looking into the caramel coloured gaze of his little sister. She watched Taylor's eyes grow wide and her smile broaden.

Maybe she could go, just for a couple days.

* * *

"You should rest," the trainer instructed, probing at the deep purple bruise on his lower side. Sidney stared into the distance. Rest wasn't something he'd had a lot of lately, since he'd been about ten. "Ribs heal with rest," he added, waiting for Sid to put his hand over the dressing to hold it in place while he wrapped it around his abdomen. "First the cold, then the ribs...."

"I'm fine," Sid grumbled, wincing as the trainer pulled the tape taught.

"You don't have to be brave around me," Scott mused, taping the wrap in place.

"I'm not trying to be brave," Sid sighed, stretching his arms out to test the strain on his ribs. It did feel better with the wrap in place. "It's just stuff I have to live through. I've had worse."

"It's early in the season, take a couple days and rest," Scott sounded like he meant it, but Sid just shrugged. It was his job, he was expected to play, people paid to see him play.

"I won't practice today, if that makes you feel better," he sighed, sliding off the table and reaching for his shirt. There would probably be press in the hall and he didn't need them to take pictures of him with his ribs taped up. That kind of thing gets out and the next thing you know, every guy on the opposing team is trying to crush your ribs against the boards. Bruised ribs were one thing but a collapsed lung was another altogether. "Thanks Scott. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"Take it easy, that's an order," the trainer sighed, watching him with that look that said he didn't trust his charge to do that as soon as he left his sight. Not that he had anything to do for the next few hours but go back to the hotel and rest. It didn't seem like he had much to do these days once he'd left the locker room. Not that he wanted to complain, he was kind of glad of it. _Kind of_ because he wished he had something more to look forward to than putting his feet up and watching repeats of Friends.

"Are you okay?"

He wasn't okay, but that wasn't something a professional hockey player could just admit to anyone. The voice sounded familiar, but the buzzing in his head and the general din from the dressing rooms stopped him from processing the information efficiently. He knew who most of the reporters were, knew them by name and even when he couldn't see their faces past the glare of the spot light, he usually knew who he was answering. Wondering if that shot he'd taken to the head tonight was worse than he thought, he looked up, his gaze searching the faces in the hall for the source of the words.

"You came." He hadn't actually meant to say the words out loud. They should have been part of that ongoing running monologue in his head, but somehow they slipped out of his mouth before he could edit them. Surprise! he thought. Yes, he was surprised Meagan was here. It didn't seem real. He had to pinch himself just to see if he was having yet another day dream.

"I don't know if you know this but you're not exactly the most accessible person in the world," she mused, her full lips turning up at the corners into something that almost looked like a smile.

"No, I guess not," he agreed, blinking half still in disbelief and half because of the pity party he'd been having for himself was still clouding his vision. With a chuckle he stepped towards her.

"You know it doesn't really work to tell the security that you're Sidney Crosby's girlfriend," she continued, her eyes watching him warily, but he could see the laughter playing at the corners of her eyes where they creased slightly. "And some of those girls out there take it kind of personally," she continued, raising her hand to an angry welt on her cheek that he only noticed when her fingertips brushed it. "But like most things in life, I find anyway, it's all about who you know and...," he covered the ground between them in two strides and took her face in both of his hands and crushed her lips beneath his, pressing his body against hers' as hard as he dared in the crowded hall.

"You came," he repeated, his voice husky as he searched her emerald gaze, forcing himself to believe that she was really here. That he was really touching her skin, looking into her eyes.

"I missed you," she said simply, her fingertips reaching up to cover his.

"I missed you too," he sighed, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead to hers'. "God I missed you."

* * *

Most of the faces on the bus were welcoming, if a bit curious, as they passed. Some, like veteran Matt Cooke eyed her with concern and a healthy dose of suspicion as Sid pulled her down into the seat next to him. He seemed oblivious to his teammates and even to his coach as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close.

"I feel like everything's going to be alright now," he whispered, leaning his head to touch hers'.

"I don't know, maybe," she replied truthfully, looking down at the way their fingers were laced, the way they fit. She'd speculated the entire way here about the welcome she'd get. Now she wondered what she'd been worrying about.

"It will, I just know that it's going to be okay now that I have you back," he whispered, sounding so certain that it made her smile. She wanted to argue that his was the life too full to find time in to call her or that she'd sat by the phone many nights waiting for him, but now didn't seem the time for those kinds of words. Maybe later, when he wasn't so keyed up, so pleased with himself and the world. She didn't want to burst his bubble to tell him that she only had a couple days. There would be time for that too, but later. "I don't think I've ever seen you in a dress," he mused, snaking his arm around to play with the flounce at her knee. "You look nice," he added, nuzzling at her neck. "Smell nice too."

"Sidney," she dug her elbow into his ribs and he winced, letting out a long line of hushed curse words as he untangled himself from her to rub at his side. "Taylor was right. You _are_ hurt aren't you?" she asked, her expert fingers sliding along his rib cage, feeling the padding and tape for the first time and chastising herself for not having noticed before. "Are they broken or strained?" she asked, glancing across the aisle at the worried faces of his teammates.

"Bruised," he sighed, straightening and turning his eyes towards the window of the bus. He was pretending to look out at the passing city sites, but she could see that he was blinking back tears of pain.

"Bullshit," she whispered, reaching for his hand and lacing her fingers through it. "You can lie to them, and I promise I won't say a word," she added, leaning carefully against him and pulling his arm across her waist, "but don't you dare lie to me."

"Promise," he grunted, still wincing despite the fact that she was being careful not to put much weight against his bruised side. "You do look nice," he repeated, smiling down at her as he changed the subject, somehow feeling glad that she could see through his performance. It reiterated his belief about her being right and important in his life.

"I can always put the scrubs back on," she warned, her full lips turning up at the corners as she snuggled up against him, more carefully this time. He gazed down at her, at her emerald green eyes looking back up at him and felt better than he had in a long time. Things had just been so off lately, and all of a sudden, with her here, things seemed back on track. It was a strange sensation, but he liked it, and he didn't like change. Anyone that actually knew him could attest to that.

"You can have my room," Fleur passed his hotel security card across the aisle of the bus towards them, "for tonight. After than mon ami...you will have to take it up with Mario," he added with a sheepish grin.

"Merci," Sidney grinned at his friend, watching Meagan take the card and hand it up to him.

"Just keep it down eh?" Max added without looking up from the newspaper he was reading, probably the comics. "Some of us actually have to get some sleep."

"Well no one's going to argue that _you_ need your beauty sleep Max," Sidney grinned at him, and then turned his attention back down to the beautiful woman snuggling at his side. Girls weren't allowed on the bus. Not even Nathalie. His teammates were making an exception for him and he was delighted beyond belief. He would have gladly taken a cab back to the hotel, but he would not be parted from her, not for the moment anyways. He was half afraid if he did let go she would disappear back into his day dreams and he'd find his arms empty once again.

As the bus pulled up outside the hotel, he thanked his lucky stars this was and not Montreal or Toronto. Getting her inside the hotel in one of those cities would have required armed guards and subterfuge. Here they could walk right in. No one would even look twice at them. He wouldn't have to let go of her. Not tonight anyway.

Wrapping his hand around hers' he walked at her side through the entrance and right past the restaurant towards the elevators. He did feel a little relieved when those doors opened for them. He noticed his teammates didn't even try and join them in there. They were giving him room and privacy. He supposed he'd done the same thing for them a time or two. He chuckled to himself wondering how many of them were thinking that they couldn't believe they were actually having to do this for him.

* * *

"I still can't believe you're here," he gave her hand a squeeze as the doors slid open again on their floor. In another moment or two it would be swarming with his teammates and maybe a coach or two. He didn't take any time leading her to Fleur's room and gratefully listening to the door shut behind him. Privacy at last.

"You'll have to thank Taylor for that," she replied, letting him help her off with her coat and watching as he hung it up in the closet. She saw the corners of his full lips turn up in an amused grin and he even let go one of those half laugh half snorts as he shook his head.

"I don't know if I can get used to my little sister meddling in my life," he sighed, reaching for the buttons on his heavy dark pea coat. Meagan nodded as she watched him drape the coat over the back of a nearby chair and then reached up to snag the knit cap off of his head.

"You cut your hair." She felt disappointed. She'd been looking forward to running her fingers through those dark curls, but they were gone, all but a couple clinging to his forehead.

"We all did, to deliver seasons tickets. We were going for respectable," he explained, laughing as she examined his close cropped side burns and number two cut straight across the back of his neck. She felt him shiver as her fingers caressed his neck and she looked to see that his eyes were closed. "I still can't believe you're really here," he breathed, reaching for her other hand and lacing his fingers with hers'.

"I am," she whispered, laying her head against his shoulder and sliding her arm around his back, closing her own eyes and breathing in the warm clean scent of him.

She'd thought it might be awkward to be alone again after so much time, but it wasn't. It was bittersweet though. She could feel the time passing too quickly already and there were things they needed to talk about, things that should be cleared up, and yet it felt so good just to hold him, feel his arms wrap around her and hold her close. She didn't dare breathe or risk ruining this too perfect moment.

He broke the embrace first, only enough to tip her lips up to meet his. He kissed her gently, softly, his hand sliding up and cradling the back of her head. Meagan fought her rising hunger and let him lead at his pace. She let her body melt against his and waited for him to come to her. She felt his hand trembling on the zipper at the back of her dress. She realized that he was nervous and was overwhelmed by a wave of tenderness towards him.

"Let me," she whispered, reaching back to slide his hand and the zipper down, closing her own eyes and shuddering as his warm skin touched hers'. Laying her free hand flat against his chest she pushed him backwards onto the bed until he was sitting, his hands gripping the edge of the bed. Sliding the dress over her shoulders, she caught it with her arms crossed over her chest before it fell too far and saw him catch his breath. "Tell me again how much you missed me," she giggled, swaying just out of his reach.

"You have no idea," he breathed, his fingers twitching like he wanted to pull the dress or her closer.

"How much?" she raised her eyebrow at him, letting the dress drop below her bra, catching it at her waist. He bit down on the corner of his bottom lip, his gaze focussed on her chest before he managed to drag it back up to meet hers'. His cheeks flushed with desire, he licked his lips, shifting on the bed as he dug his fingers into the comforter, as if to hold himself down.

"Meagan I...," his voice trailed off as he licked his lips again and then he glanced away. "You don't know how hard it's been. I've been trying to organize things, find a place and with everything else...," she dropped the dress and crawled into his lap, knocking him backwards onto the bed.

"I was trying to make you smile," she grinned down at him, pushing his shirt up his chest, being mindful of his ribs, and then worked her way down to his jeans. She listened to his sharp intake of breath as she unsnapped the denim and slid her hand beneath the waistband and freed his aching need. She heard him breathe her name, felt his fingers wind their way into her hair as she enveloped him in her mouth.

* * *

"I wanted to have everything ready for you," he sighed, running his fingers through her chestnut waves as cuddled against his side that wasn't nearly as sore, especially now with the endorphins swimming happily around in his brain. "House, yard, business...," his voice trailed off as she chuckled.

"I had..._have_ no expectations like that," she replied, running her hand carefully over his bandages.

"I do. I want to have you with me in Pittsburgh Meagan. Now more than ever," he added, kissing the top of her head and tightening his grip on her.

"It's not as easy as you make it sound," she sighed, feeling sleep digging its' claws into her. It had been such a long trip and she'd been so wired with anxiety the entire time that it seemed like just being in his arms and the rise and fall of his chest was enough to lull her to sleep.

"I know, I know. Green cards and business licenses and mortgages...," his voice fell away and she closed her eyes, thinking that he would at last succumb to the urge of his usual naptime. "Unless we get married. It would be a lot easier then."


	14. Chapter 14

C14

She was in _his _territory now. She couldn't run to the barns for protection or send him away in favour of tending to the needs of a pregnant cat. If she ran screaming from the hotel room right now, she wouldn't even know where to go. She could picture herself being held up, car jacked, raped and left in an alley to die. It was likely an over exaggeration on her part but if it was, it was only because of the panic attack she was experiencing that made it hard to breathe past the furious pounding of her heart. She knew she needed to breathe, knew that her heart was really not trying to force its' way out her chest but it was hard to think of anything else when she knew that he was waiting expectantly for her answer. She could feel it in every sinew of every muscle in his body where her body pressed against his and under her fingertips. She could feel him holding his breath. He wanted an answer and she knew 'are you kidding me?' was not one of the answers he would be expecting, though it was the only thing she could hear in her mind, like a mantra, over and over again.

"It's a bit...soon...for that...don't you think?" she managed to sputter, even thought the tape in her head was still stuck on the same answer. She also knew that now was the time she should be looking at him with a playful smile to ease away the stab to his ego, but she couldn't make herself turn and look up into those hazel eyes. She curled into a ball at his side instead and waited, like the fradie-cat she was.

"You do love me, don't you?" She cringed, closing her eyes and making a face. That was so unfair, and she suspected he knew it too but it was his card to play and he hadn't so much as hesitated before laying it down, which meant he wasn't kidding around.

"You know I do, or I wouldn't be here," she sighed, forcing her muscles to soften where her body touched his, to run her hand lightly along his bruised and painful ribs, all to buy time before he played his next card.

"Look at me Meagan," he demanded, his tone soft but firm, "look at me and tell me that you love me, because if you don't...." She turned, ignoring the visions of emergency lights and motorcycle parts strewn on wet black pavement that played in her head. Meagan looked up at him, and let him see everything in her face, in her eyes, every emotion, no matter how small.

"I do love you Sidney," she whispered, a tumult of emotions making the words stick in her throat. "I just don't think that there's any need to rush into anything, especially for you."

"I know what I want," he replied, his hand reaching up to brush along her cheek and down to her jaw, his thumb pausing on her bottom lip. "I want you, in my life, now. I don't want to wait for a year just to make other people happy. I know I'll feel exactly the same as I do right now."

She couldn't speak. Even if all the emotions in the world weren't churning madly in her chest, she couldn't have given voice to any of the letters in the alphabet as she watched him push himself up onto his elbows, ignoring the pain, to kiss her.

* * *

"I know you think that this is crazy and that I haven't thought it through but I really have," Sid insisted, looking directly across at his mentor come foster father who was watching his charge in turn with concern and, Sidney was sure, just a hint of amusement. Even though he tried to hide it behind his big hand, Sid was sure that Mario was smirking. He could see the laughter in the big Francophone's ice blue eyes. He needed Mario to understand. He knew his father wouldn't, but he had hoped that his mentor, who was always telling him how important it was to be well rounded and to have a life outside of hockey, would. He had hoped Mario might even be pleased for him. He'd anticipated an argument, but he hadn't expected to be made fun of and his pride was hurt.

Meagan wasn't helping either. She was just sitting silently beside him with her hands folded on her lap staring at the floor. Of course she hadn't wanted to bring any of this up tonight. Actually she'd begged him not to. It probably was stressful enough having dinner with his "Pittsburgh parents" without telling them about his plans, but they'd seemed to fall as in love with her as he was and it had all just sort of come spilling out. That's when Alexa and Austin had been sent to bed. Lauren and Stephanie just rolled their eyes at him and went off to watch a movie in another room.

"I don't doubt your sincerity," Mario said finally after carefully putting on his poker face, or at the very least getting his smile under control. "If anyone knows how very mature you are Sidney, it's Nathalie and I," he reached for Nat's hand and it was there automatically. That was what it felt like with Meagan, Sidney thought, until now anyways. "There's a lot to think about Sidney, a lot of ramifications. I'm sure now that you've brought it to my attention that we can work together with legal and come up with a less..._drastic_ solution."

Sidney opened his mouth to object to Mario's wording but Nathalie reached across the table and laid her hand on his before he could speak up.

"What Mario means is that there might be something we can come up with so that you don't need to feel like you have to rush into something so important." She smiled and just as she always seemed to, the situation was immediately diffused. "I'm sure that Meagan doesn't want to just run off to Vegas? She probably has family that would like to see her get married, am I right Meagan?"

Sidney felt Meagan go still, as if she wasn't even breathing now as all eyes turned to her. He reached for her hand, closing his fingers over hers' as he waited for her to answer.

"Not really," Meagan answered quietly, her free hand curling into a fist on her lap as she continued to stare at the floor. "Not that I think this..._idea_ is necessarily the answer," she added, glancing over at him with what she hoped was an apologetic smile.

"Meagan thinks the whole idea is crazy," he sighed, giving her hand a squeeze and answering her gaze with a half smile of his own. She caught his glance at Mario, finding the hint of a smile on the big man's lips that was there and then gone again. He was glad to hear that, she could tell, and she supposed she could understand why he would feel that way. She was certain that their first concern would be that she was some kind of gold digger. Any sign that she was willing to put the brakes on their young charge would be received gratefully.

"I was engaged once," Meagan began, looking over at Nathalie who had so graciously opened her home and arms to this strange woman and had, so far, made her feel so welcome. "He was…killed in an accident. I guess I'm a little gun shy about all this...relationship stuff."

"But we want to be together," Sidney added firmly. Meagan could feel his eyes on her, insistent and imploring. She turned her gaze to meet his and tried to be as supportive as she could. How could she not after the last couple of days? To watch how happy he was to have her meet his teammates, to play an amazing game he said was for her, and the love making.... She nodded, and felt her smile brighten as he lifted her hand to brush against his lips.

"Anyone can see that you're in love," Nathalie smiled at both of them, like a good mother hen, drinking up the romance in the room and looking at her foster son with pride clear in her eyes. Meagan felt herself shrinking back into silence. "No one here is going to argue that with you. But Sidney...I wish it could be easy for you, but it won't be."

* * *

Meagan dropped her eyes to hide the smile of gratitude on her face from Sidney. It was too hard for her to say these things to him when he seemed so sure. Especially when he looked at her like he had when he'd come out of the changing room tonight, like she was the only thing that mattered in the entire world. How could she say no to him?

"It can be, if you help me," he insisted, squeezing her hand. Meagan knew the gesture was only about being glad she was here beside him while he went through this. He'd been afraid Mario would either blow up at him or even worse, laugh. She was grateful that the giant across the room had, at best, only seemed amused.

"What are you suggesting Sidney? Would you really run off to Vegas?" Mario's voice boomed in the small room. Meagan felt even more intimidated now than she had when he'd opened the door tonight. She remembered watching him play, sitting at her father's feet, amazed at the things the blue eyed boy with the flowing black hair could do. She remembered she had thought he was handsome then, and she still did as she glanced up at him, at his ice blue eyes.

Sid was wrong. This man would never do anything to intentionally hurt his lodger. It was clear on the man's face as he looked across at them with the eyes of an indulgent father. He would do anything to make Sidney happy, even if it meant personally ferrying them to Vegas.

Meagan swallowed hard. She didn't want to be the one to hurt him, but she wasn't sure if she was ready for all of this either. She'd only had the briefest taste of what it meant to be in his life in the past few days and the one thing she was sure of was that it was never going to be easy.

"Tell you what," Nathalie stood, grabbing the mostly empty bottle of wine as she offered her hand to Meagan. "Why don't you boys talk about something else while the girls go and talk about dresses and flowers and things like that." Meagan felt another panic attack coming on. She didn't want to let go of Sidney's hand. She didn't want to leave the relative safety of the couch and she certainly didn't want to talk about dresses and flowers and yet, the teachings of a lifetime kicked in. More than any of that, she didn't want to be rude and make an even worse impression.

Sidney squeezed her hand as if to say it would be alright and looked at her as if he was proud of her. So on shaking knees, she followed Nathalie to the kitchen and slid behind the breakfast bar while Nathalie poured the last of the wine and went about tidying up after eight people.

"I bet you were expecting worse," Nathalie began, scraping the remnants of dinner from the kids' plates before putting them in the dishwasher. "You probably thought we were going to be some kind of overprotective ogres. I hope we haven't been?" Meagan stared into the white wine that had been set before her and shook her head.

"You've all been...wonderful," Meagan admitted, glancing up to meet the kind eyes of the woman who after all was not quite the shrew she'd always thought she would be.

"I'm glad...we're all glad that he's found someone so...down to earth," Nathalie continued making Meagan look down at her jagged fingernails, looking for dirt and blood or worse. "You probably thought we'd kick up a fuss," Nathalie continued, and this time she had Meagan reaching for the grays at her temple.

"These," she sighed, nodding. "I could dye them I know but I've just never cared that much." She looked up to meet the older woman's knowing gaze and shrugged. "Not that I've ever dated anyone as young as...," her gaze wandered toward the other room and then she looked back at the dishes in the soapy water. "Look, can I come over there and help because sitting here...I kind of feel like I'm on Oprah or something." Both women laughed, and some of the tension seemed to ebb from the room.

Nathalie made room at the sink, handing Meagan a dish towel and opening the cupboards around them so that she could see where everything went. For a while they washed and dried in silence, Nathalie careful to keep her eyes and her opinions to herself. A good mother Meagan couldn't help but think, she's waiting for me to tell her everything and strangely enough, Meagan realized she wanted to, no _needed_ to talk to someone.

"Just so you know," Nathalie began without even looking at her, her fingers slipping into the suds and drawing out a glass, "I always knew he'd end up with someone more...mature. I did think it might be an athlete of some kind but I knew whoever she was, she'd have her life in order."

"You must think I'm some kind of mushroom. I mean, how can I not know about him right?" Meagan slid a plate up into the cupboard and looked around at all the expensive things, things she could have if she married him.

"Not everyone is a hockey fan," Nathalie handed her another plate and Meagan appreciated that she kept her eyes on the sudsy water in front of her. It made it easier.

"I was...once. Your husband, for instance...my dad was a big fan. I remember watching him...Mario could do things...well I don't have to tell _you_," she found herself blushing as she took the next plate. She'd hardly understood anything about the birds and the bees but she'd hated that tall blonde volleyball player girlfriend of his. "It's just...for the last couple years I haven't really been in touch with...well _anything_ really." Nathalie handed her the last plate and then took up another dish towel herself and began drying wine glasses and putting them away.

"It must have hurt, to lose him," she began carefully and Meagan had to shake herself to bring her mind back to the task at hand.

"I had my whole life mapped out," Meagan sighed, gripping the counter like she was afraid if she let go she'd be sucked into the vortex of her miserable life again. "I knew how everything was going to go and then...then...it was gone." She shut her eyes against the visions that sprang up in her mind's eye, the wet black pavement, the sound of the engine still running, the lights....

"And now?" Nathalie prompted quietly, keeping her eyes on the glass in front of her as she held it up to the light.

"I don't honestly know," Meagan let go of the counter and turned to the woman who had it all, had been there done that, married the prince, had her castle, her heir and all the little princesses besides. "It's all a little...surreal."

"But you love him?" The question was simple and not at all straightforward at the same time.

"So much it hurts," she answered simply, looking up into the satisfied gaze of a mother bear protecting her cub.

"Then you will figure things out. I know Sidney. Once he's made up his mind…well, let's just say it's a done deal to him."

"That's sort of what I'm afraid of," Meagan sighed, feeling a real smile tugging at her lips for the first time tonight. Nathalie nodded, seemingly satisfied, and handed her another glass.

* * *

"So this is it?" He watched her turn around in the middle of the dark room. He knew what she was seeing, the mixture of hotel and frat boy. Her gaze slid over the piles of folded clothes, the hamper piled high with clothes he'd had on the road. Next her gaze slid over the posters on the walls, motivational in nature, things that looked like they belonged in a business office, not a bedroom. She'd probably expected half naked models draped over the hoods of cars or the gas tanks of bikes, maybe in Max or Jordy's room, but not here.

"I've never had a girl up here," he said quietly, smiling as she turned towards his voice. "Sorry, I've never had a woman here," he corrected himself, his smile broadening as she moved towards him. Tipping his head to one side he watched her and savoured the moment. Having her here in this room felt almost too good to be true. How many nights had he laid in his bed here, dreaming of her? "Not even Nathalie, I mean…not really. She just drops off laundry now and again."

"You don't even do your own laundry?" she sighed, shaking her head and laughing as she drew within range of his arms. Reaching out he pulled her to him, pressing his body against hers' and kissing her fiercely.

He'd wanted her all night, his need growing exponentially with every passing moment as he saw her through the eyes of adopted Pittsburgh family. He knew how difficult tonight had been for her, even more so considering he'd gone overboard and told them that he wanted to marry her. Not that she'd agreed to that, yet. But she would. He felt even more certain of that now that she was with him here in Pittsburgh, in his room, her cool hands sliding up under his shirt.

"I can do my own laundry," he chuckled with his lips still touching hers', "I'm just busy a lot of the time."

"Busy chasing other women?" she asked, her gaze searching his as he held her in a vice like grip against him. His fingers paused on the zipper of her dress, trying to decide if she was asking a real question or just busting his balls because of the comment he'd made before.

"There are no _other women_," he whispered, brushing his lips over her cheek and feeling her melt against him. "Not now, not ever."

That seemed to be what she needed to hear. She turned her gaze to meet him and the fire that had he'd first seen there the very first night was back. She wanted him as badly as he wanted her and his body leapt to attention at the prospect. Giggling, she backed away across the room towards his double bed, shrugging off her dress and tossing it towards him as she did. He caught it in one hand and tugged his shirt off with the other as he crossed the distance between them.

He pinned her body on the bed with his, kissing his way down to her lace covered breasts and suckling at her dark nipples through the semi concealing fabric. He slid his hand into her panties, relishing the sounds she made as he slid his fingers inside of her.

He didn't worry about the kids, or Mario and Nathalie. There was a study and an indoor pool between his rooms and the rest of the house. Maybe if she screamed the place down...but that would be worth it he decided as she wriggled beneath him. Yes, he thought as she tugged at his pants and pushed them below his hips, sliding her hand down the length of him, making him grown into her mouth. He would make that his goal. If he got his way, they were going to wake the damn neighbourhood.

Sliding his hands beneath the thin strip of elastic, he tugged her panties down over her knees and tossed them somewhere onto the floor. She watched him, that fire burning brightly in her green eyes as he lowered himself between her thighs. He wanted to slip into the wet warm cleft between her legs, but even more than that, he wanted her wetter, and even more willing. He knew what she liked, and they had all night. No animals to feed, no cats to check on, no teammates threatening to bash down the door if they didn't keep it down.

He slid all the way down to his knees, right off of the bed and pulled her to the edge, until her legs dangled over his shoulders and took a long swipe with his tongue. He watched that silver dangle in her belly button dance as he licked and nibbled and sucked. It was a real diamond now, the only one she would wear from him, for now.

He'd bought it for her when they'd stopped to buy her dress on the way here. She'd insisted that she wouldn't meet his family in her old clothes. She didn't want him to buy the dress, so when she was trying things on he'd gone next door and bought her the earrings and the silver and diamond dangle. She'd even let him put it in, much to the displeasure of the woman running the dress shop. His hands had quaked then.

They didn't now as he pushed her thighs further apart and dug his tongue inside of her, feeling her muscles shudder beneath his fingertips, as her hands dug into his scalp. She called out his name, over and over until her body went limp. He could have driven his cock inside of her now, relaxed and wet, still trembling from the strength of the orgasm, but there was a better way to raise the crescendo of the evening.

"I want you on top, cowgirl," he nuzzled her neck, his hand still working in her wet folds as she squirmed on the bed, her fingers digging into the quilt.

"Oh god, I don't think I can," she whimpered, her back arching as his fingers dipped inside of her again.

"I know you can Meagan Raferty," he teased, kissing his way down to her breast, biting at her nipple through the lace. "I know you like it too," he added, meeting her gaze and smiling.

He rolled onto his back and watched her lower her body over his. He closed his eyes for a moment as the heat of her body engulfed him, counting to ten and thinking about the smell coming from Jordy's locker to stop himself from cumming immediately. Once the first waves of pleasure had crested, he reached for a pillow, propping his head up so he could watch her.

He traced the lines of that tattoo at the small of her back with his thumbs as he held her hips as she rode him. He didn't make any attempt to control the speed or angle she rode him. He was half afraid if he did, he'd finish and he wanted to make this last. He wanted this memory and the smell of her on his sheets. He wanted to be able to lie here and think about this moment when she'd gone home.

That was something that he didn't want to think about now. So to take his mind off the morning to come, he traced the raised lines of her tattoo as she rode him and listened to her heavy breathing, her soft cries that turned into louder ones until her chestnut hair rippled down her back as she tossed her head back and screamed his name.

He thrust himself up inside of her, but still wasn't willing to let go, shutting his eyes tight and gritting his teeth, trying to ride the wave, shoot the curl and come out the other side. Taking a deep breath, he waited for her to manoeuvre her body alongside his before rolling her over and pushing himself gently inside of her.

"I love you," he whispered against her lips, feeling her arms sliding around his back, her body arching up to meet his.

"For always," she whispered back, holding onto him just as tightly as he was holding onto her.


	15. Chapter 15

C15

It was the second time he'd kissed her and told her that he knew everything was going to be alright. It was the second time he'd held her like this and earnestly begged her to believe him. It might have been the second time for him but it was the first time that she wanted to believe every word coming out of his bubble gum pink lips.

"A few days, that's all. Long enough for you to put your place up for sale, and for me to find a place for us...," she pressed her finger tips to his lips and shook her head.

"Don't you dare go buying a place without me Sidney Crosby. Not even with Nathalie's help," she added looking over his shoulder at the tall elegant woman waiting behind her with car keys in hand.

"We'll make a short list. I promise, no more than that," Nathalie smiled at her and then laid her hand affectionately on Sidney's shoulder. "Time to go."

"Horse stall, remember," she said, trying to smile, feeling his fingers sliding away from hers as he turned to go.

"I'll remember," he nodded earnestly, pressing his lips earnestly to hers' once more before turning to go to the car waiting for him at the end of the drive. She watched him go, watched as he paused at the door and turned to blow her a kiss which she feigned catching and dropping down the front of her shirt for safe keeping, just to make him laugh. She watched as he stopped at the road and waved and it was her turn to blow him kiss and then she watched with tears filling her eyes as his SUV e drove out of sight.

"It feels so final," she whispered to herself as his SUV turned the corner and disappeared.

"I'm certain it must." Meagan looked up at Nathalie and saw dark clouds in the woman's eyes before she covered them with sunglasses that seemed excessive for the cloudy drizzly day. "C'mon. Let's get you to the airport," she smiled, but Meagan didn't think it was a real smile. It seemed forced, as had the conversation over the breakfast table this morning.

She'd told herself it was their emotions, hers' and Sidney's that had been the cause of the stilted conversation and the overall sombre mood, so she told herself not to judge the woman who had been so welcoming and kind as she slid into the big silver jag and pulled on her seatbelt. After all, her loved one was going too.

"How do you get used to it? Him leaving all the time?" she asked Nathalie put the car in reverse and slid the big vehicle out of the gated drive.

"That's just the schedule," Nathalie did smile then and Meagan wondered if watching herself and Sidney had made Mario and Nathalie reflect upon the beginnings of their own relationship. "Honestly it never gets easier. I thought it would change, but it doesn't and Mario and Sidney are so much alike. It will never be over, you know. They'll always be doing this."

"You mean hockey?" Meagan twisted the strap of her purse in her hand as she watched the trees and long driveways of the rich and powerful of Pittsburgh speed by. "Sidney calls it being an ambassador. I can't believe he doesn't mind it," she added, thinking about all the other things besides playing that took up his time. He'd warned her, tried to explain it to her, but it wasn't real, not yet.

"He's very important to the game," Nathalie pursed her lips and stomped on the gas as she nosed into highway traffic. Sidney didn't drive like this. He was so polite when he drove. The good Canadian boy that always waved in traffic, stopped at crosswalks whether anyone was in them or not. Of course he always seemed to be just a little lost too, despite the expensive GPS system in his Land Rover. "He has a lot of responsibilities, a lot of commitments, a lot of demands on his time." Meagan nodded, because she had been told it was true not because she really understood it. She assumed she would, in time, but not now. Now she was just getting used to missing him already. "It isn't easy you know, his life. It's very hard. He doesn't deal well with disappointment and he's already had so much in his life and he's still very young," Nathalie continued, her tone and the words she was saying making the hairs on the back of Meagan's neck stand up. "He's already had to lose so many people he's been close to. But then, you know precisely how that feels don't you?"

"He's lucky to have you and Mario, and his parents and Taylor, and your crew," Meagan tried to lighten the mood, to smile through the harsh warning Nathalie seemed intent on giving her.

"Ah yes, you haven't met his parents have you?" Nathalie smiled, and again, it wasn't a smile that seemed happy or friendly, not at all the way this woman had seemed the night before. "I imagine they'll have a lot to say on the subject as well."

* * *

"Dad?" Sidney stared at the big man that took up so much of the back seat, at the way his eyes raked over him as soon as he sat in the vehicle and felt all the hairs stand up on the back of his neck.

"I'm hurt kiddo. Why is it I'm always the last to know?" Sid swallowed hard. He hadn't planned on telling anyone, but Troy was right, the last person he would have said anything to about his plans with Meagan. He knew all too well the power his father had over those he deemed that his son had gotten too close to. They had a name for him in the Pens locker room. Troy Vader.

First it had been Rex. Mark Recchi had made the mistake of voicing an opinion contrary to that stated by management and seconded by his own father. Even though Sidney himself had said he didn't want to be captain, didn't think he'd earned the title, Wrecking Ball had still ended up in Atlanta followed closely by two of his closest friends, including his on the road roommate. It had all been meant to toughen him up, let him feel like he'd made some sacrifices.

What it had really done was to further emphasize that even though he was technically an adult, his father was still in charge of his life and Sidney had no doubt that finding his father in the back seat of the vehicle now was only further proof of that.

"Nothing's official yet," Sidney managed to force himself to speak despite the way his muscles had tensed and that he had to force his mouth to open.

"I'm glad to hear it. I'd hate to think you'd suddenly gone all mad cow on us," his father guffawed at his own idea of a joke. Sidney kept his eyes on the road in front of the vehicle, his fingers digging into the rich buttery leather of the arm rests, fighting to remain respectful. Troy didn't always make that easy.

"This isn't something that's up for debate," Sidney began, calculating in his head how many kilometres it was to the rink and how long he'd have to listen to how stupid he was and how idiotic it was to take chances with his image this early in his career.

"No, it's not, and you need to call it off, as soon as possible," Troy stated it like it was fact, like it wasn't open to negotiation. Not that Sidney planned on negotiating his personal life. That time was past. He'd lost too many people already. He knew what it felt like not to have Meagan. He wasn't about to lose her too.

"Like I said dad, this isn't something that I'm willing to debate. I love Meagan, end of story. It's not something that even involves you." He didn't need to look in the rear view mirror to know what his father's expression would be. He could see his face turning red, the tips of ears turning purple and his pupils dilating. He was glad he couldn't see it. He'd always been intimidated by his father, his sheer size and the force of his will. He wished he loved him, wished he had the sort of father son relationship that he'd seen with so many of his other team mates, but so far all he'd managed was a grudging respect of the man and situations like this one didn't help to bond them together.

"I don't know how you can say that. After everything...." Sidney slammed on the brakes at a light, throwing the SUV into park as he turned to face the older man with, feeling the heat in his face, the fury he normally reserved for his opponents out on the ice making his voice low and threatening.

"Don't...don't use that all that you've done for me stuff. I think we're pretty even now okay? You've got the nice house, satellite, state of the art everything so...don't go there. I'm going to live my life now okay? I'm done living yours. It's my time, okay? I'll choose who I love and when, and no, it hasn't got anything to do with you." He heard the cars behind him honking, but he wasn't going to move until he was sure he'd gotten through to his father. He expected his father to get belligerent or at the very least to tell him to get moving, but he did neither. Instead, he did what was probably the worst thing he could do. He laughed.

"You still think it's really all about you?" the big man laughed, his face transformed from the angry red someone's about to get a beating face to the ebullient I am so much better than you face. Sid felt his blood boiling in a way it rarely did. Turning, he stomped on the gas, careening through the intersection at break neck pace, trying his best to ignore that voice in the back of his head that was telling him to turn around, go back for her. He told himself nothing was wrong, apart from the fact that his father had finally slipped over the edge into the kind of insanity that was specially held for emperors and pharaohs. "Don't be so self centered Sidney. This isn't just about you. Put your thinking cap on son. Do you have any idea how many people your little '_plan'_ will affect? Well? I'm waiting, do you?" Sidney didn't answer, just pointed the Land Rover down the highway and reached for the controls on the stereo. A little Nickelback, some Finger Eleven should drown him out.

"Not listening dad," he growled, cranking up the volume and hammering on the steering wheel, doing his pathetic best to keep up with Daniel Adair. Meagan liked Nickelback. He made a mental note to get her the new cd.

"Do you think it's fair to your team mates? Hmmm? Do you think there will be all those girls in the seats if you get married? Do you think the seats will be full in the new stadium? Will the Pens sell all those pink jerseys if you get married?" Sid made the mistake of glancing in the rear view mirror at the self satisfied look on his old man's face. It made him sick to his stomach.

"I'm still a good player. I'm still me," he retorted, pushing the engine in the SUV to its limits, listening to it roar in protest as he took the next corner.

"Yeah, cuz that's what all those little cuties in the stands really care about. They're reading your stats, that's why they like you," his laughter filled the cab of the Land Rover, drowning Chad Kroeger and his grumbling guitar out. Sid searched through the songs on the cd. There had to be something harder on it, something louder. "What about all the other players in the league, all the other teams that only sell out when you come to town?"

"They come to see me play dad," Sid growled, finding Theory of a Deadman's latest and cranking it, nodding is head to the beat. He liked this song. It made him think of Meagan.

"Yeah, sure they do, but do you think there might just be...oh a whole lot of them who get daddy or their boyfriends to buy their tickets to see you?"

"There's lots of kids in the stands, boys," Sidney emphasized. He'd heard all these arguments before. Other players liked to tease him about being the poster boy. It wasn't something he liked but it was something he was used to. It didn't bother him as much as it used to.

"Sure, and that's why there's a whole section of girlie wear sold in every store at every arena," his dad laughed harder, as if something Sidney had said was funny.

"There were girls going to the games before I was signed dad," Sidney said, tired of the argument already. He wanted to think about other things, about Meagan, about last night....

"Yeah, about that. Do you think it would be fair to Mr. Bettman? He's put a lot of money on you. He's done a lot to promote you. Don't you think it would be kind of a smack in the fact to him? Kind of like just tossing it back in his face?" Sidney felt his blood pressure spike and he gripped the steering wheel harder.

"I didn't ask for any of this," he sighed, grinding his teeth. "You did this, you and him and Mario...I didn't do any of this. I've done everything you asked. I don't complain. I ask one thing...one thing...."

"You think that it's one thing?" Troy's voice had taken on a threatening tone and now he was leaning forward, his fingers digging into Sidney's shoulders. "Boy...you've been given a sweet ride. Don't you think a lot of the other players in this league would give their right nut for the pay checks you take for granted?" Sid had no answer for that. He knew it was true, maybe unfair, but true.

Silently he nosed the SUV through the security gates. Today he didn't roll down the windows and sign autographs. Today he wanted to be alone, to be alone with his thoughts but that wasn't working out quite the way he wanted it to.

"I didn't ask for this," Sidney said quietly, sliding the Land Rover into his parking space and waiting for the door to close behind them. "I could have been on campus, taking classes, dating, learning something for my future and playing."

"Sure you could son," Troy patted his back like he meant it in a good way, like he was finally catching up with him. "Sure Bettman could have saved all that attention and money for Toews and Kane maybe. I'm sure he could have let someone else have all your responsibilities, maybe for less money than what Mario and I negotiated. Maybe Semin's right. Maybe they'd be more grateful for all those millions of dollars that ensure when hockey's done you won't have to work a day in your life."

It was the one argument Sid had no answer for. It was true. Every time he thought about complaining he would think of that and bite his tongue. It wouldn't just be other hockey players that would give their right nut for his bank account he knew, whether he wanted it or not, whether he believed he deserved it or not.

"I still have the right to my life," he said quietly, still gripping the steering wheel hard enough to make his knuckles turn white.

"Sure you do son, later. In about three years you can have your life back," Troy patted his shoulder harder, making Sidney wince. "That's what happens when you make a deal with the devil son. It's not your life. Not as long as they own you it's not." Slowly he looked up into his father's reflection in the rear view mirror and saw the triumph in his eyes. He'd won, and he knew it.

"It's not fair."

"Gee kiddo, I wish I could feel sorry for you," Troy chuckled, and the sound of it made Sidney sick to his stomach. "Lose her number. Forget her. You know it's the right thing to do."

With one more pat on his shoulder, Troy slid out of the SUV, straightened his tie and put a big smile on his face to greet Mario with. Sid watched their exchange, and felt his heart break a little. He was certain he could see Mario ask if it was done. He watched his father nod and look proud.

Deal with the devil. He'd never really thought of it that way until now. He wanted to believe there was another way around it, but he had the feeling if he had someone look into it, all those contracts would be just as iron clad as he already knew them to be. Maybe he had sold his soul.

And now he'd lost his heart in the bargain. Forget her, it would be a tall order. He'd never forget her. The most he could hope for was that sometime, after she got over being hurt and angry was that _she _could forget him. Forget him and move on. Find someone who wouldn't leave her, wouldn't let her down. It was the best he could do.


	16. Chapter 16

Just a word to say thanks for all the cheerleading. Hope a mid week chapter helps to quench your thirst. Also just a note, I haven't decided how this will end, but happy endings don't always happen in life and I think for someone whose life is as complicated as Sid's it can't be too easy, so for all of you who are hoping for a quick reunion please keep reading and realize that even Sidney Crosby has baggage and things to work through.

C16

Nothing. There had been nothing for days. No calls, no voice mails, no text messages, no emails. Nothing.

Meagan stared at her still silent cell phone and tried to ignore the sinking feeling in her chest. There would be a good explanation. Something had to have come up. Maybe he'd forgotten his phone at home. Smiling to herself, she thought that he had been just a _little _distracted when they'd left the house.

Her smile fading, she thought he should have at least tried calling from the rink, or when he got home. After all, how many cell phones did the boy carry? One day she could give him but this...?

Not wanting to seem needy or clingy she'd only left a couple of messages. She reminded herself of all his responsibilities and tried to keep in mind some of the dire warnings Nathalie had left her with. She couldn't put herself first. Hockey would always be first. She just had to be there when he needed her, when he was ready.

Still...it _had_ been _days_. Reaching down she slid her hand up under the top of her scrubs and ran her hand over the diamond dangle at her belly button. He loved her. She had the evidence of it pinned in her skin. Closing her eyes she let the images of their love making fill her mind. She shuddered, sense memory making the brush of his fingertips seem so real. She could almost smell the clean soapy scent of his skin.

"Dreamer, you gonna do some work today or what?" Tess gave her a gentle poke in the ribs with her elbow as she went by with an arm load of supplies. Blinking, Meagan nodded and forced her day dream back to the nether reaches of her mind. There would be time to worry about him later. There would be an explanation, a reason. He'd call soon and everything would be fine.

But then maybe it wouldn't.

"I'll finish the clients in the waiting room," Meagan decided, "but then I'm going to need a couple of days." Tess rolled her eyes and then shrugged.

"Well I guess the snow is about to fly and we'll be quiet. Where are you off to? Running after hockey god again?" Meagan shook her head and took a deep breath and pushed open the door to the examination room, and plastered on her professional smile.

* * *

"Not that I mind," Max grinned as he slid onto the bench beside where Sid was sitting, arms folded protectively across the width of his chest, listening to Jordy tell some story about some girl he'd met at the bar last night, "cuz I kinda like when you're mad and you take it out on the other team and all, but how long is this funk you're in gonna last?" Sid turned slowly to look at his friend and teammate, and shrugged.

"I didn't know I was in a 'funk'," he sighed, kicking off his yellow crocs and reaching for his skates even as Max threw his head back and laughed.

"How long have I known you now Crosby? It's plain as the nose on your face. You're pissed about something. But as usual you'd rather stew in your own juices than talk to any of us about it." Sid's hands paused; his right skate half on, and glanced up at Max's usually infectious grin. He knew his friend was right. Of course he knew; he just didn't realize it was that obvious. He thought for a moment about lying or at the very least insisting that he didn't know what Max was getting at. But then there didn't seem much point.

"I didn't think it was that noticeable," he replied before turning his attention back to his skates, hoping that now Max would drop the entire subject.

"You're kidding right? When you don't even crack a smile when Jordy's telling a Geno got drunk fell down story? What's up with you man? I thought you were over the moon and all that gushy love shit?" Max's hand pressed down on his shoulder and Sid winced, not in pain, just at the mention of the word that he didn't want to think about. He'd been doing his best to shut any of those kinds of words out of his head, keep his inner monologue focused on hockey and hockey alone. Hockey was his job. That was his priority.

Maybe if he told himself that some more he'd start to believe it.

"Oui mon ami, what is it? Pourquoi etes-tu si melancoique?" Fleur joined the conversation, dropping onto the bench beside him, already in his pads, his jersey in his hands. Sidney glanced from one to the other of his friends and began to feel surrounded.

"So I'm not allowed to have a bad day now?" Sid suggested defensively, dropping his gaze back down to his skates and tugging on the laces harder than was strictly necessary, feeling them bite into his skin. It hurt, but then pain was good. Pain chased away the darkness and the well of emotions that made it hard for him to breathe. His arms and legs were still screaming from his work out this morning, but when he'd woken up dreaming of her....

"Bad day? Is that what you call it? So you haven't talked to your sweetie in an hour and you take it out on us guys?" Max laughed, but both his smile and his laughter faded as Sidney turned to stare him down. It wasn't easy to make Mad Max flinch, but he did now as Sidney's expression turned dark.

"Mon copain, est-ce que quelque chose est erronee entre les deux de vous?" Fleur asked quietly, his kindly dark eyes searching Sidney's expression and he frowned, his lips pursing in concern. He knew he could trust Fleur, that he would not only be sympathetic but that he would understand. He'd been amazed at how supportive Fleur could be with Veronique and how angry he would get when anyone was less than kind to her. He'd wanted a relationship like theirs...but now....

"Doesn't matter," Sidney grumbled, turning his attention back to his gear, reaching for his knee pads and strapping them on with more care and attention than was necessary after a life time of going through these same motions day after day, just because he could still feel his team mates eyes on him.

"Of course it matters buddy," Max insisted. "If it matters to you it matters to us. What are friends for hey?" Max gave him what would be a friendly shove but today seemed like an insult. Sid glared at the hairy Frenchman and Max's grin faded again. "I'm just saying we could help, if you want," he added, the lightness fading from his tone as Sid continued to stare daggers at him.

"Oui, dites-nous," Fleur laid his hand more gently on Sid's back, a gesture meant to comfort but it only served to remind him of what he'd lost and it made him tense. He watched his friends exchange a wary glance and knew they weren't going to drop it, much as he wished they would. This was the last topic of conversation he needed before they hit the ice. He needed to focus and thinking about her....

"It's over, that's all." Sid tried for the briefest of explanations, hoping it would be enough to silence them and sweep the topic under the rug where he wanted it to stay. Every time he thought about her he felt the pain anew, like tugging on new stitches. Like just saying it out loud made the wound bleed afresh. He wanted to stop thinking about her, the sooner the better. "So now you know just...leave it alone okay?" He levelled his gaze at Fleur first, knowing his sensible quiet and calm friend would do as he asked without question and he was rewarded with a single nod. But when he turned to Max, the same could not be said of the team comedian.

"I thought you said it was love forever and ever and all that," Max insisted, but he wasn't grinning. He was actually challenging him and Sid knew immediately that he had guessed at the root cause. Grimacing Sid shrugged and went pack to strapping on his pads. "What? So you have one fight and that's it? I didn't think you gave up that easily, quitter" Max added with a chuckle, reaching for his jersey and slipping it over his head, still laughing to himself.

Sid told himself it didn't matter if that's what they thought, as long as it meant that the subject was closed and he didn't have to keep picking at the wound but as Max continued to shake his head and chuckle at his expense, he felt the blood in his veins beginning to boil.

"I'm _not_ a quitter," Sid hissed through his teeth, pulling himself up to his full height and meeting Max's amused smile with a snarl.

"Yeah...so what happened to she's the one forever then?" Max asked him with a smile that reminded Sidney too much of Jarkko Ruutu's poison come to dinner grin meant to get under opponents' skin. He'd never really thought of Max that way, but he couldn't help but do so now.

"It's complicated," Sidney insisted, his teeth grinding together as Max snorted and shook his head at him. "You wouldn't understand," he continued, swallowing the words 'my life'. There was no need to rub that in. His teammates were all too aware of his outwardly charmed life that was complicated and difficult at the best of times. Most wouldn't trade him for it, not even for the paycheques from his sponsors. "She's better off this way," he added, forcing himself to turn away and grab his shoulder pads. Just because _he_ was miserable didn't mean he had to pick a fight with his teammates.

"A t'elle dit cela ou as tu fait?" Fleur asked, his tone serious, making Sid's hand pause as strapped on his elbow pads. He closed his eyes and clenched his teeth. This was so the last thing he needed right now.

"Does it really matter? What's done is done," he sighed, forcing his fingers to go through the familiar movements, trying to blank out the painful thoughts creeping into his consciousness. He did not want to envision her worrying about him, crying over him. What he needed to think about was tape to tape passes, moving the puck quickly and efficiently, finding the open man, moving his feet. Those were the thoughts he should be having pre-game. Not this. This was exactly what Troy had been talking about. Distraction was something he could not afford. If he kept this up he'd be letting his team and the fans down. He had to focus.

"Il est important," Fleur insisted, his hand reaching out to cover Sidney's where it was on his elbow pads. "If you love her, truly love her, it is important, yes," Sidney stared at his friend and willed him to silence. He wasn't the only one that needed to be focussing on the game now. Fleur, of all of his teammates should be thinking about what he needed to do out on the ice right now. He needed this inquisition to end, now.

"So I ended it. It's better for her. I can't afford the distraction and I have too many other responsibilities, okay?" Sidney pleaded with his eyes for his soft spoken friend to understand but Fleur only shook his head slowly and dropped his gaze. He disapproved. It was in every line of his face, the way his shoulders slouched, the way he wouldn't look at him. "You don't understand. You don't have the all these people watching you the way I do."

"So much for Romeo and Juliette," Max snorted. "What a romantic guy, you let your daddy and Commish Bettman decide when and you date. Nicely done mon copain." Sidney froze as Max patted his shoulder. It sounded so much worse when someone else said it. It made him feel like a child.

"You have it so easy," Sid heard himself snarling as he turned on his shaggy haired friend. Max didn't so much as flinch. In fact he laughed.

"I'm barely hanging on to my job all the time, every game. You...you have it easy. Okay, so you have some photo shoots, some extra interviews, whatever. What's that got to do with you being happy? Huh?" The look in Max's eyes cut him to the quick and Sid made himself take a deep breath before he could reply.

"I have contracts, expectations...," he began but Max only laughed again, shaking his head and holding up his hands to silence him before he could finish.

"Do you love the girl, yes or no?" he asked, staring him down with just the hint of a smile on his face.

"It's not that simple," Sidney began again but Max shook his head at him.

"Yes or no Creature, yes or no?" Curling his hands into fists, Sidney shot Max a look that, if looks could kill, would have made Max wither and die where he stood, but instead Max kept smiling and waiting patiently for his reply. It made him wince, and it hurt deep in his chest, but the answer slipped between his clenched teeth

"Yesss," he hissed, his pride wounded, his chest tightening around a ball of unfamiliar emotions.

"Well then be a man. Do the big romantic gesture and choose her," Max suggested wryly, raising his eyebrows as if to say if you're man enough. Sid took a deep breath, shook his head and turned his back on Max. Clearly his friend did not understand the gravity of his situation. "It's what your dad asked you to do isn't it? Choose between hockey and her?"

Sid paused, mid step, mid breath. It seemed so much worse when it was put that way. He never saw it as a choice. More that he didn't have one. But then, maybe he hadn't been given one and he had certainly not given Meagan even a fighting chance at one.

"Think about it," Fleur looked up at him, worry for his friend clear in his dark eyes. "Deny thy father and refuse thy name," he began, a thin smile creeping across his lips.

"And the lion lay down with the lamb, or something like that," Max added with a wry grin. "I don't even know where that came from...hey I'm a poet or something." Max turned to the hooted accolades of his teammates, this conversation over, for him. But it was clearly not over yet for Fleur who reached out to put his hand on Sid's arm.

"If you love her," Fleur shrugged, as if he didn't know what else to say. "It's your life mon copain. We only want for you to be happy. We saw you with her, you were happy, over the moon but now...," his voice trailed off into another shrug and then he went back pulling his jersey over his head, leaving Sidney alone with his thoughts, of which there were now many. How he was going to be able to play like this, he didn't know.

The one thing he did know was that his friends were right. He wasn't happy. He was miserable without her, miserable thinking what she must be thinking of him right now and miserable trying to do the right thing all the time, especially when doing the right thing felt so incredibly wrong.

* * *

She ran her hand over the cool dark bronze plaque and felt a warm tear slip down her cheek. Plucking at an errant weed from the moist dark soil, she tossed it aside, replacing it with a bundle of already wilting white roses. Her hand slid from their stems back down to the letters and words on the plaque, her fingers following the raised letters, her lips wordlessly sounding his name.

"Sorry it's been so long," she began once she'd found her voice again. "I don't get back here as often as my mom would like," she sighed, her fingers covering his name on the plaque lightly, like she was stroking his cheek. "I know I don't really need to be here but...." The words caught in her throat and she pulled her hand away from the inscription like it was burning her, pulling her knees up to her chin instead and rocking in place, trying to comfort herself. She stared down at the cold dark metal and let the tears fall.

Just seeing the words brought it all back; that night, the rain, the smell of gasoline, the engine running and his broken body lying in the street, his hand reaching for hers'.

Flexing her hand now, Meagan tried to dismiss the feel of his cold hand, his grip fading with his life and she wondered. Would these visions ever fade? Would she ever forgive herself enough to let go?

Except she had, tried to let go that is.

No, not really tried. He'd just sort of...taken over. His hazel eyes and soft lips and warm arms had just sort of...taken up all the room that had been left in her heart and was pushing, trying to get the rest.

Sniffing, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand, she fought back the tears. She wasn't even sure what she was crying for now. Was she still crying for Brad, for that night so long ago now when he'd been taken from her by that drunk driver or was she crying for Sidney, and for the life she didn't think he could make room for her in?

"So here's the thing," she began, staring into the distance, past all the other grave markers, past all the memorial walls, wreaths and headstones. She brought his long eyelashes, his boyish grin and his bubble gum pink lips to the forefront of her mind and concentrated on them. "I know it's kind of...a big thing to ask but uh...I mean, you know me I don't really believe in God or anything but uh...I know if there is something out there that he or she would want you as their vet so uh...I mean if they don't let you take dogs I totally don't want to go." She smiled to herself through her tears and wiped at them with the back of her hand. "Just...if you could put in a word with someone...I just...I don't think I can take it if he leaves too."


	17. Chapter 17

C 17

Meagan handed over the keys with trembling hands.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" the young man asked solemnly as he took the keys from her and turned to look at his new domain. "This is just what the wife and I were looking for," he mused aloud, turning back to her with a warm smile that encompassed more than just the waiting room of the clinic. She could hear his two rug rats racing around outside and could picture his young wife sizing up the house for new curtains.

"Needs must," she tried to smile but knew that it was hollow at best, like her heart, like so many promises that had been made. "You're right though, it's ideal for a family, not so much for a single girl," she tried for nonchalance but thought she sounded more sarcastic than anything. "It's a good little practice, the house could do with some sprucing up but I never really got around to it." Why she felt the need to apologize or explain herself when he'd already bought both the practice and the land, Meagan wasn't entirely sure. Maybe it was to fill the silence. Maybe it was just to drown out the screaming in her head. Either way, the young man, was his name Pete? She couldn't remember. Either way, he didn't seem to notice. He was taking a mental inventory, maybe trying to add up his investment. It all seemed so much smaller now to her than it had when she had clutched the deed that Brad's insurance money had bought her. All the walls seemed to be closing in on her now.

"So you're heading to the city?" he asked, like he had to, like as long as she stood here he would make small talk to. Not that he cared. But then it seemed like no one really did.

"Yeah, that seems to be the plan," she sighed. Get away and start again in a tiny one bedroom apartment in the middle of a big city where no one would know or care about her. Anonymity; that was the name of the game.

"Hence the horses?" He made it a question, and just the mention of them made Meagan pause, her heart beating painfully in her chest. This was the worst part of it. Well...nearly.

"Yeah...thanks for boarding them, for the time being," she answered slowly. "I...uh...have some arrangements to make for them still," she explained, her voice sounding stilted and strained even to her own ears.

"Well...I don't know how you could leave this," he smiled at her as if he were gentling a wild filly, worried she'd either bite or kick. Meagan almost smiled thinking that maybe he _could_ see the whites of her eyes. After all, she had been up all night wondering if it was too late to call the estate agent and call the whole thing off. After all, selling this peaceful and tranquil corner of the world she'd found for herself had been all about twining her life with Sidney's.

But that future was gone now.

"Yeah well...enjoy," Meagan gave the new vet what she hoped was an encouraging smile, and then turned and made herself walk out the door, counting the steps to her old jeep and forcing herself to open the door.

Yes, she thought as she pushed the keys into the ignition, this had been a place of healing for her after Brad, but now it held new memories. Memories that were best left behind the jeep as the big mudder tires kicked up the gravel and left a cloud of dust in her wake.

Men leave. Even when they don't let you know they're going, even when they look into your eyes and tell you they're coming back, they still leave.

Well now she was leaving, she thought as the clinic disappeared in her rear view mirror. She was leaving, and she wouldn't be coming back. It was about time, she thought as she skipped forward to that song she couldn't stop playing on the new Theory of a Deadman cd. "Not Meant to Be". '_Nobody wins when everyone's losing_'. Truer words were never spoken she mused sardonically as she pointed the jeep towards the highway.

She was tired of losing. It was time to take her life into her in own hands. But first, she had one last stop to make.

* * *

He gripped the steering wheel too hard and started to grind his teeth together. That song had come on the radio again, and he couldn't make himself turn it off, even though it drove a stake through his heart every time he heard those lyrics.

'_We've got our backs against the ocean, it's just us against the world, looking at all or nothing, babe it's you and I'_.

The first time he'd played the cd he'd loved this song. It made him think of Meagan. It still did, only now it hurt like hell to think of her. He made a mental note to say something to the guy at the radio station that thought it would help the team if he played some good Canadian rock and roll for the Pens good Canadian boys. He'd liked it at first. But now...every song seemed to remind him of her, and this one in particular made him just...sick to his stomach.

He missed her. Every day he told himself it was going to get easier, and yet here he was, a week before Christmas, driving through the sleet and the snow in the dark on his way to the rink and he could feel tears stinging in his eyes. It had been a month and it wasn't getting any easier. He still couldn't get her out of his head.

He also couldn't stop thinking that he'd made an enormous mistake. Yes he was playing better. Things were starting to go in the right direction out on the ice. He was lighting the lamp, a lot, lately. It felt good. Maybe because out on the ice was the only place he could dismiss her from his thoughts.

When he was alone, like now, he couldn't stop thinking about her. He kept replaying that last night in his head; the memory of her body moving in time with his was like his own personal brand of heroin...where had he heard that?

Right. Taylor and her damn vampire movie. She kept sending him snippets of that movie on you-tube along with not very well veiled threats. Taylor liked Meagan. She wasn't even trying to be subtle about it. She wanted her big brother to make the big romantic gesture. Ignore all the threats, all the reasons why not and go with his heart. His little sister thought he was Romeo and Meagan was Juliet, or at least the Edward and Bella version of them.

It just wasn't that easy.

But this wasn't easy either. Shutting her out of his life certainly wasn't working.

At least the guys were leaving him alone about it now. All except Fleur, but then again, Fleur was the only one Sidney knew he could count on to tell him the truth, always. Fleur was his only teammate that wasn't placated by the scoring streak. Fleur had asked him about her only last night. Jordy had saved him, or at least offered to. He'd given Sidney the pick of girls out of Jordy's famous little black book. Easy lays all of them, he'd promised. To help him forget, he'd suggested.

But Sidney didn't want just any woman. He wanted Meagan, badly, but he also wanted to be free of her. He wanted to be the carefree Sidney from before he'd ever laid eyes on the green eyed Chestnut haired beauty. But maybe that Sidney didn't exist anymore. After all, it was really hard to imagine _not_ thinking about her either and when he was alone like this, he could admit to himself that he didn't really believe he'd never see her again.

He knew he _had_ to see her again because part of him was missing and he was pretty sure it was a part of him that he needed.

* * *

"So...you're still going?" Taylor asked slowly, not even looking up from taping her stick. Meagan stood in the Crosby's driveway, her hands deep in her pockets, stabbing the palm of her hand with her keys hoping the pain would drive back the tears welling in her eyes.

"I have to go kiddo...I'm sorry," she apologized for the umpteenth time to the slim dark haired tween sitting on her parents front steps.

"You don't _have_ to go. You're running away, which makes you just as big a moron as my brother," Taylor sighed, ripping the tape off with her teeth and casting the roll aside.

"I wish things were as simple as you seem to think Taylor." Meagan began to jingle her keys in her hand, as she opened her mouth to change the subject but as usual, the young woman sitting at her feet would have none of it.

"All you guys and your 'it's adult business', like I'm some kind of retard and I wouldn't understand," Taylor grumbled, smoothing her hand over the edges of the tape and folding the corner under.

"Taylor...," it was Meagan's turn to sigh in carefully veiled exasperation. In each and every visit she'd made out to the clinic to help with the horses and other animals, Taylor had tried to talk to Meagan about Sidney and every time she had Meagan had clammed up. The last thing she wanted was for Sidney to think she was using his little sister to get back with him or at him. Even though it had been tempting, she had bitten her lip every time a question about Sidney had sprung to her lips. She'd even denied herself every attempt to ask even the simplest of things, how he was doing and was he well?

"And don't tell me that it's none of my business either," Taylor warned, turning those same gold flecked orbs up at her, "because somebody has to say something. You're leaving so I guess this is my last chance," she added in a seriously no nonsense tone. Meagan slowly closed her mouth and waited for Taylor's next attack. She watched her chew on her bottom lip and tried not to envision those plump pink lips she missed. "So...do you love him?"

Meagan held her breath. In fact, it seemed as though the entire world was holding its' breath waiting on her answer. The loudest sound seemed to be the beating of her own heart against her ribs.

* * *

"You look like hell man," Max tapped his stick against Sid's shins as he stretched on the ice. Sid chose to ignore the comment. After all, he didn't need to be told. He knew that he looked distracted at best and sick to his stomach at worse. It was like someone was trying to play some kind of cruel hoax on him. They were playing that new Katy Perry song during the warm up, Hot and Cold. He could imagine Meagan singing this to him. He knew he deserved it.

He just wished that he could escape this feeling that he'd done something incredibly stupid when he left her behind, when he let his father talk him into making a choice. He also wished her memory would stop haunting him like this.

"It's the girl again isn't it?" Jordy rolled his big blue eyes at him as he slid to the ice beside him. Sid stared at the ice in front of him and pursed his lips. There was no point. If he did, Max and Jordy would only laugh and give him a hard time. Settling down with one girl was an insane idea as far as either of them was concerned.

"So if you love her so much, why don't you just pick up the phone and tell her?" Sid coughed out loud, surprised by the words coming out of Mad Max's mouth. "What?" Max dug the heel of his skate into the ice and shrugged. "I told you before...."

"Yeah but...I thought that it was better if I...."

"Buddy, if you were happy to forget her, then I'd be happy for you but it's obvious you're not, so...this is me saying, do whatever makes you happy man but stop being so fucking miserable." Sid found himself sitting on the ice staring at up at Max who only shook his head and skated away from him to join the rest of the guys tossing pucks at the net. Sid watched him skate away, still unsure how to react to what he'd just heard.

"He's right," Jordy climbed to his feet and swept a blade's worth of snow over Sid's hands. "I like you better when you're gettin' some. Fuck whatever your old man says. If you want her, we're here for you man." Sid watched Jordy skate off to join the others, his tongue firmly tied.

Could it be his omniscient father was actually...wrong? And even if he _was_ and even if his teammates _were_ happier to have him in a relationship than out of one, how could Meagan ever forgive him for just disappearing without a word of explanation?

"Ne le derange pas, il reflechit." Sidney turned to smile at Fleur who was leaning on the knob of his stick watching him with that funny little half smile of his. The smile that covered the buck teeth that he was so self conscious of. He would fix his girlfriend's teeth but like most hockey players', his own could wait until his skates came off for the last time.

"Ne pense pas trop dur," Sabu added shaking his head at Sidney before dropping his goalie mask over his face. "Vous pourriez se blesser," he added over his shoulder, making both Sidney and Fleur laugh.

Sighing Sid turned to his friend and hoped for the same level of honestly he was used to.

"Do you really think everyone would be okay with me...umm, dating openly?" he whispered, keeping his voice low and his face turned from the glass and the television cameras he knew from long experience were always trained on every little thing he did and said.

"Naturellement," Fleur began, tipping his head close to Sidney's. " Tant que vous continuez a jouer bien."

"Ha ha," Sidney groaned. "I mean it Fleur. Will they back me up or will they be pissed with all the extra attention?"

"Extra? Mon ami, je pense que vous pourriez avoir tort a ce sujet. Je pense qui'il y aura moins d'attention et nous serons tout plus heureux a ce sujet."

* * *

"Taylor, what do I keep telling you?" Meagan's attention was quickly dragged from the serious eyes that were almost too similar to his to be fair, to the plain but sympathetic face of what she could only assume was Tina, Sidney's mother. She'd never met her but she'd seen a picture or two of her on a web site here or there. Watching her standing in the doorway of the suburban family home, Meagan couldn't help but compare her to that other hockey wife, Nathalie.

She didn't look like a trophy wife, Tina looked like a mom. She wasn't tanned or toned or even made up. Her hair was best described as mousy and her clothes looked more like they came from Wal-Mart than some couture catalogue or high fashion boutique. The woman was...beige. On the other hand, she looked like she had the kind of soft lap that grandkids would like to climb into and she definitely had a kind face. That of course didn't stop Meagan's heart from beating double time in her chest.

"I assume you're here about the horses?" Meagan nodded and held her extra set of keys out towards Taylor.

"I wasn't sure she would have told you," Meagan admitted as Taylor reluctantly took the old fashioned skeleton type keys in her thin hand.

"As if she's talked of anything else for days," Tina smiled indulgently at her daughter and then turned her sunny grin on Meagan. "I'm actually looking forward to it. The horses will give us something to do together that doesn't have to do with hockey and trying to get her dad's attention." Meagan stiffened at the mention of Sidney's father. From everything that Sidney had told her and the little that Taylor would confess, Meagan was just a little afraid of the stern and overbearing bear of a man.

"Mooommm," Taylor rolled her eyes and.

"Don't let them tell you otherwise, they bring it on themselves. Both of them as competitive as they come, even if it's just for Troy's attention," Tina smiled but not as brightly and Meagan wondered what it was like to have to compete with your own children for attention. "And you musn't let Taylor bully you into saying anything," she added giving Taylor a look that was probably meant to admonish but there just didn't seem to be any steel in this woman and all it earned her was another eye roll from her daughter. "She's at that age," Tina seemed to feel the need to explain her daughter's behaviour. "She thinks she knows it all. I expect we were all like that at that age."

Meagan nodded but kept her council to herself, half afraid if he did open her mouth she would beg this kindly looking woman to tell her why her son had abandoned her and broken her heart.

"She could answer the question if she wants to," Taylor added sullenly. Tina shot her daughter another look obviously meant to silence her but Taylor ignored it. "Well she could. We bought her the tickets after all."

"You have to forgive Taylor. She just thinks of him as her brother. She doesn't see how...complicated things can be." Tina held up her hand to silence Meagan when she opened her mouth to explain. "There's no need for explanations. We just hope you'll find your way, both of you." Tina smiled and cocked her head to one side, regarding Meagan in a way that felt very much like being measured up for clothes and she wondered if his mother was sizing her up for a wedding gown in her minds' eye. "It was nice to meet you though," she said finally, holding her hand out to take Meagan's between hers' and patting her hand gently as she lead her back to her jeep. "We've heard so much about you."

Meagan desperately wanted to ask what the woman meant by 'find your way'. Find your way back to one another? Find your way through all this heartbreak? Find your way to new people, new relationships? But she didn't ask, nor did she ask if they'd heard about her from Sid or from Taylor. Instead, she just smiled weakly and said nothing as they came to a stop beside her mud splattered jeep.

"So, do you know where you're headed?" Tina asked her and Meagan hated that her immediate response was to hope that she would pass the information on to Sidney, if he cared to ask, which she told herself that he probably wouldn't.

"Honestly, not really," Meagan managed to reply, digging her toe into the lawn and then reminding herself that this was his house too, that people probably came here and stood on this lawn and took pictures of each other standing at this spot at the corner of the lawn and the foot of the driveway. "I have a friend, she lives in Ottawa, with a hockey player as it turns out," she smiled grimly and shrugged her shoulders. "We haven't seen each other for a while, so I thought I'd stop in."

"That's quite a drive," Tina nodded, putting her hand gently on Meagan's arm and smiling encouragingly. "You take care to rest if you need to." For a moment Meagan was certain that was it. That she had been dismissed and that all that was left for her to do was to turn and get into her jeep and go. But then Tina's hand tightened on her arm. "You understand why I can't get involved don't you?" The woman narrowed her eyes at Meagan, as if she were willing her to comprehend, to send her a message telepathically. "I can't interfere. Not where father and son are concerned."

Meagan felt like she should know what that meant, but in reality it could have been Morse code for all she understood of it but it seemed important to Tina that she understand and somehow Meagan knew she wasn't going to get more of an explanation than this. So she nodded and that seemed to please his mother, who smiled in a way that made her look sweet and wholesome and happy.

Tina let go of her arm and walked back to put her arm around Taylor. Meagan waved as she pulled out of the driveway and Taylor waved back, looking unhappy, unsatisfied and like she was about to cry.

Meagan knew the feeling very well.


	18. Chapter 18

C18

"Mi casa es su casa," Trinnie threw the doors to her townhouse open and dropped the bags on the floor, kicking off her boots and jacket and scarf all at once before shaking the snow from her long black hair.

"I promise, as soon as I get on my feet I'll be out of your way," Meagan sighed, knowing already what the response would be but the guilt she was already feeling at having to pull her old friend Trinity out of work in the middle of the week was enough to make it necessary to at least an acknowledgement of the fact that she was placing herself directly underfoot.

"As if. You stay as long as you like. God knows you put me up enough times in my life," Trinnie finished hanging up her own coat and scarf and reached for Meagan's. "Besides, I feel bad enough that I wasn't really there for you after...well...anyways I'm here now, it's the least I can do." Meagan smiled at her friend's attempt not to mention Brad. She supposed, considering the current situation, he probably was best left unmentioned.

"And you're _sure_ you're not going to be in any trouble for leaving in the middle of the day to pick me up?" Meagan slid out of her boots and followed Trinnie down the corridor, past the dark wood and leather of her living room and into the bright modern kitchen with all the stainless steel appliances, white cabinets and grey granite.

"Moi? I practically run the place. I can't believe my phone's only gone off five times since I picked you up. I can be in the stirrups at the gynaecologist and they're calling me," she grinned at Meagan, and then turned to reach into the huge double sided fridge, coming out with a pair of coolers, lifting them so Meagan could read the labels.

"I'm not sure alcohol is the answer right now," Meagan sighed, wishing she could laugh but it wasn't in her, not after a flight that was both too long and not long enough. Not long enough to bother sleeping through but too long to avoid thinking about the only thing she seemed able to think about; _him_.

"I find that alcohol is _always_ the answer," Trinnie snapped the lid off of one of the bottles and then reached back into the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water for herself. "Believe me, once this thing is out and breastfed, I will be downing a bottle of vodka straight."

"I still can't believe it," Meagan let herself openly stare at her friend's obvious condition and allowed herself a moment's self pity.

"You mean both of us ending up with hockey players?" Trin asked, obviously without thinking, because as soon as she said it, she took it back. "Sorry, you meant _me_ having a rug-rat didn't you?" They shared a look that told Meagan that Trin knew she'd stabbed her friend in the heart, even after being asked not to bring him up, but her remorse didn't last long before she was her old sarcastic self. "Look at me? I know. Can you think of a _worse_ idea?" Meagan smiled up at her friend who seemed oddly to be at peace with the idea while Meagan had been struggling with it ever since she'd gotten off the plane. "I know. All the things I swore that I never wanted. Marriage, babies...you must be thinking you've entered the twilight zone. I know I wake up most mornings thinking the same thing." Meagan couldn't help but smile, albeit weakly. She had just been thinking something very like that. Of all of her friends from school, Trinity had seemed the least likely to settle down and give over her hard won independence and yet here she stood before her, all five foot ten of her in sensible shoes, several months pregnant in a home very obviously shared with a man.

"Remember how you used to throw them out so you could sleep?" Meagan asked quietly, her throat tight as the memory of the last night spent in his arms tugged at her.

"I know. I had `em lined up around the corner, and now look at me," Trinnie patted her bulging stomach and then waddled over to the couch and sat down with such a look of bliss on her face that Meagan couldn't help but shake her head and laugh. "I have kankles and I pass wind like a sailor and I've been craving _pickled herring_ of all things." Both women made a face and then broke into a fit of giggling that lasted long enough for neither of them to notice the tall lean bespectacled figure enter the room.

"This must be Meagan," he smiled, a broad generous smile that showed nearly all of his perfectly straight white teeth, which was a wonder in and of itself considering his occupation. "Trin warned me you'd be up all night giggling and gossiping but I thought she might be exaggerating." Meagan watched wistfully as the tall well dressed man crossed the room and bent to place an affectionate kiss on his wife's forehead. She felt a pain where her heart should be as the two exchanged a meaningful look while he laid his hand protectively over his wife's belly.

He wasn't classically handsome and was far from the movie idol good looks Sidney possessed but it was clear to Meagan as she watched him gazing lovingly down at his wife just what Trin saw in him. His green eyes glimmered with laughter and boundless kindness and there was a gentleness to him that belied his job description as tough guy and agitator.

The intimacy of the moment was awkward. Meagan wasn't sure where to look and her stomach churned with jealousy and immediately she began to regret her choice of hideaways. Not that she'd had a lot of choice. Where else could she have gone? Home to her parents? That was out of the question. She didn't want fussing, that was why she'd escaped clear across the country in the first place. Brad's parents? How would she explain that she was broken hearted over another man to them?

No, it was this, or check herself into some mental ward for close observation and lots and _lots_ of medication.

"So are you ladies ready for dinner?" Trin's husband asked at long last, breaking the silence.

"You still don't cook?" Meagan asked, wide eyed as she tried to hold in the laughter that was bubbling up.

"I cook," Trinnie growled, shoving her husband away before she would let him help her up, "I just don't always choose to."

"Like every other night," he laughed, kissing her cheek affectionately and dodging her fist enough so that it only connected with his arm. "I've booked a table at Hy's. Go put your glad rags on woman. I don't want to keep Antoine waiting."

"Antoine?" Meagan hissed as Trinnie took her arm and led her back through the hall and up the stairs towards the bedrooms.

"I told Jaks you might need some distraction of the male persuasion," Trinny explained in hushed tones as she led the way into her immense walk in closet. Both women waited in profound silence as Meagan's bags were deposited on the floor and Trinny watched her husband leave the room, her head tilted to one side, clearly enjoying the view as he walked away.

"I'm off men," Meagan sighed, turning to run her fingers down a line of carefully folded colourful cashmere sweaters.

"Speaking of that," Trinity stretched and yawned while she reached for a black satin sleeveless dress, "best not to mention him. They don't play again `til March but with their history, that boy of yours is a bit of a touchy subject."

"He's no boy of mine," Meagan turned back to searching through her friend's clothes.

"Yeah right. Sorry, _again_." She felt Trinnie's hand on her shoulder and Meagan turned to look up into the compassion on her friends face. "Maybe Antoine can help take your mind off things."

"I told you, I'm off men," Meagan sighed, rolling her eyes as she pulled a red clingy looking dress off the rack that she didn't think Trinity would be able to get into for a while yet.

"Uh huh. That's why you're picking that particular dress."

"I didn't say I was dead, just off men," Meagan corrected her friend with a smile. The two friends stood looking at one another and then started laughing all over again and Meagan couldn't help but think maybe she had made the right decision in coming here after all.

* * *

"Pardon?" Sidney clenched his phone too tight, the plastic edges digging into the palm of his hand.

"_This isn't her practice any longer_," the woman repeated slowly, like he might be a bit slow or something.

"When...when did this happen?" he asked, his stomach lurching in panic as he thought of the consequences.

"_Not long ago sir, but Dr. Drew is very good and I can make an appointment for you later today or_...."

"No, no that won't be necessary." Sidney's heart climbed into his throat and threatened to choke off his oxygen. "Did she leave a forwarding address?"

"_No sir, although I was told she left the province_." Left the province? How could she do this to him? That was a stupid question of course. He was the one who had left her without so much as a word. He wouldn't even blame her if this was some kind of trick.

"Not even a number to contact her?" he asked hearing the squeak in his own voice as he forced the words past the building ball of emotion.

"_No sir_," the poor woman was beginning to sound exasperated with him, but Sidney was trying to buy time until he could think of some way around this road block. "_Although her horses are still boarded here_," the woman continued, her voice pitched low, as if she didn't want to be overheard, as if that was more information than she was meant to give.

"So she's coming back?" he asked hopefully, practically falling off the edge of his bed as he surged to his feet.

"_No sir, I didn't say that. But perhaps the young woman looking after them would know. I could take your number sir and pass it on_."

Snow and Grover. She'd left Snow and Grover behind. She loved those horses. It was hard for him to imagine what would make her do something that drastic. Closing his eyes he could see the barn, feel the prick of the hay in his skin, smell the warmth and musk of horseflesh. He found himself smiling at the memories just thinking of the barns evoked. That wasn't going to help of course.

Why would she leave them? There was only one other person she said she trusted with them and Taylor hadn't stopped talking about it since Meagan had let her look in on them while she was visiting him.

"Thanks, I think I can take it from here," he mumbled apologetically. He was already reaching for his private phone, the one to which only his family and Mario had access to the number. He reminded himself to be calm, not to shoot the messenger as he heard his young sibling's voice on the other end of the line.

"_Hey big Bro, you still streaking_?"

"Where'd she go TC?" he couldn't keep the irritation out of his voice and he couldn't bear to make small talk now, not after he'd made the decision to find her and apologize and beg her forgiveness. His stomach was still doing flip flops from when he first dialled her number, but now it was just because he couldn't believe Taylor would keep this from him.

"_I don't know_." He could hear the stubbornness in her voice and knew if he pressed her it was only going to get worse. They were all like that, the Crosby's, competitive and stubborn to a fault.

"I need to find her Taylor," he admitted quietly, chewing on his bottom lip and closing his eyes. If it was one thing he hated doing, it was admitting weakness, even to his little sister.

"_Don't you think that ship has sailed_?" he heard her ask, and he couldn't help but wonder if those words came from one of Taylor's new favourite books or if they came from Meagan. He prayed it was the former and not the latter.

"I hope not," he dug his free hand into the quilt and prayed that it might be true, that there was still time to save this.

"_Why did you have to treat her like that Sidney? I liked her. I'd invited her for Christmas_." That stung, and even though he was sure it was probably all the animals Taylor liked more than Meagan, he was sure that in some way his actions had hurt his sister too. This was one of those times that he wished he could offer up one of his admiring fans as a reference to what a good guy he was. He sure as hell didn't feel like a good guy now.

"I like her too T. I like her a lot," he admitted, knowing it was better not to tell Taylor just how much. It was better for her not to know. It would be bad enough if Troy found out that she had helped him find her. That was, if she did actually know where Meagan was. "So, do you know where she is or not?" The silence on the other end of the line gave him hope. Taylor wasn't the kind of girl who lied, usually, but she did like to try and make sure she got what she wanted before she did something, after all, she was a girl.

"_She said something about Ottawa. About a friend she was going to see there_." Sidney's shoulders fell. He'd hoped for maybe Halifax. That was a big city but not big enough that he some of his old hockey chums couldn't help him out with tracking her down, but Ottawa? He only knew one guy in Ottawa, and he didn't think Jarkko Ruutu was going to do him any favours anytime soon.

"That's all you've got TC? You don't have a name or anything?" he asked, feeling defeated before he'd even begun. Again he was forced to listen to the long drawn out silence on the other end of the line. He forced himself not to snap, not to lecture or yell at her, just to wait, impatiently.

"She said something about her friend's boyfriend or husband or whatever being a hockey player. She didn't say NHL or anything, just a player," Taylor sighed, like she was bored of this conversation and he knew he wasn't going to get anything else out of her, but at least it was something he could go on.

"Thanks TC and uh...if you hear from her, about the horses or anything, can you tell her...," he didn't know what to say. He couldn't ask his little sister to beg for him, even if he wanted to. "Just tell her I miss her okay?"

"_Whatever_." He listened as the line went dead and clicked his own phone shut with a sigh.

How many beer leagues were there in the greater Ottawa area? It would be like finding a needle in a haystack. There had to be more he could go on. It couldn't possibly be as easy as giving his old teammate a call.

Yeah right. _Nothing_ was _that_ easy.

* * *

"Do you get the feeling we're being abandoned?" The young Frenchman leaned close and whispered in Meagan's ear. It wasn't the first time he'd gone for intimate contact during the evening. He'd also insisted on pulling out her chair, taking off her jacket and feeding her during dinner. Trinity had insisted it was because he was Quebecois. Meagan was beginning to wonder if Trin's husband had promised that he would get lucky tonight.

She knew that it wasn't just Trin's condition that had them falling behind as they walked along the river, the two of them were trying to give her and the young francophone some space to `get acquainted'. Meagan stuffed her hands deeper in the pockets of her parka and refused to play along.

It wasn't that there was anything wrong with him, in fact he was perfectly behaved and very good looking and from what Meagan could tell he had a killer body under his baggy Levis and equally baggy dress shirt. It was just that she wasn't in the mood. Trin had assured her that it was like falling off a bike, that you had to just brush yourself off and get back on before you lost the knack for it, but it didn't feel right to Meagan as he hooked his arm around hers' in a familiar sort of way.

She also didn't want to be rude. Not to the young man chattering happily at her side as they strolled and not to Trin and Jarkko who were putting her up in their home. After all, Antoine was Jarkko's teammate and he hadn't done anything to deserve her sullen mood. It wasn't his fault that another hockey player had ground her already shattered heart into the dirt. For all she knew he was only doing this as a favour to his teammate and when they asked him in the dressing room how his date went he'd tell them what a horrible bitch she was and how she'd hardly said two words to him all night.

Smirking, Meagan thought to herself that maybe the fates had just gotten it wrong the first time around and she was supposed to meet Antoine and not Sidney. After all, they were both dark haired hockey players. One could be forgiven for not knowing the difference, if you weren't a hockey fanatic, and certainly the fates must have other more important things to look after other than her love life.

Putting a determined smile on her face, Meagan turned to listen to the story he was telling her and forced herself to smile and nod at the appropriate moments and even to laugh. It felt good to laugh; like she could feel the ice cracking in her chest.

Maybe Trin was right. Maybe it was like riding a bike after all.

"Hey, Jaks, what is with your phone tonight? I've never heard that ring so much," Antoine turned to the stragglers when they reached the car again. "Well not since Trinz found out she was pregnant and wanted to kill you," he added with a grin towards her friend. Trin narrowed her eyes at him but they both smiled. Obviously the worst of that feeling had passed some time ago. Meagan thought she'd never seen two people more in love.

"It's the Kid. Must want to wish me merry Christmas or some damn thing," Jarkko shrugged and flipped his phone closed again, stuffing it in the pocket of his over coat.

"What's he doing? Phoning Bettman's Christmas list again?" Antoine asked with a raised brow, resulting in both men having a good laugh that left Meagan staring at both of them. She opened her mouth to ask who or what they were talking about, but a sharp look from Trinity made her close her lips again.

"I need to go back in to pee. Coming Meg?" Trinity held her hand out towards her friend and Antoine reluctantly let go of her arm. Glancing back at him she thought he looked very reluctant to watch her go and for the first time that night she truly appreciated just how brown his eyes were. "So do you like him?" Trin hissed into her ear as they walked back through the restaurant.

"I guess. I mean, yes, he's nice," Meagan replied when Trinity rolled her dark eyes at her.

"Nice," Trin shook her head as she pushed the door to the stall open leaving Meagan standing at the sink. "Nice is for ugly babies and home made wine. What do you think? Are we bringing him home with us? Do I need to make breakfast for four?"

"_You_ make breakfast?" Meagan laughed as she leaned on the counter, waiting while Trinity grunted as she tried to unwind herself from her winter coat. "No, I don't think you'll have to do that Trin. He's cute but...I'm not up to that yet."

"Oh c'mon," Trinity called, pausing to let out a contented sigh with the unmistakable sound of her bladder emptying at long last. "What did I say about getting right back up on the horse? What better way to say 'screw you Kid' than to have some other hot hockey god skate up to him and tell him how good you are in bed?" Meagan felt all the blood drain out of her face. Of course! That's who they'd just been talking about, all the wine they'd had with dinner must have addled her brain. "What?" Trin called, pushing open the door to the stall while she was still rearranging her jacket and scarf and pulling her dress down all at the same time. "I thought that was a great idea. It's not like he's ugly or anything."

"Sidney was calling your husband," Meagan said quietly, feeling every hair stand up on the back of her neck.

"Well, yeah, they were teammates," Trinity brushed right past her on her way to the sink, reaching for the soap before she stopped and turned her attention back to her where Meagan stood, rooted to the spot, clenching her teeth against the feeling of hope that was swelling in her chest. "Oh...you think he's calling about you? But he doesn't know you're here right? I mean, why would he be calling for you here?"

"You're right," Meagan sighed, her shoulders drooping as she turned her attention to her toes to avoid Trinity from seeing the tears welling in her green eyes. "I guess it's just...wishful thinking."

"Oh girlfriend, you so need to get laid and get that boy off your brain," Trin went back to washing her hands as she shook her head at the very idea. "Loosen up, have some fun, forget him. He's obviously forgotten about you." Meagan nodded as if she agreed, but inside she couldn't help but feel an acorn of hope still glimmering in the back of her mind. "Don't do it Meg," Trinnie said more softly, reaching out to nudge her chin up until Meagan's green eyes stared into her dark brown ones. "Don't you dare sink into that black hole again. He's not worth it, not if he doesn't appreciate how special you are and if he did, you wouldn't be here, right?"

Meagan nodded again and this time she shut the door on that glimmer of hope. Trinnie was right. If he loved her as much as he said he did, she wouldn't be here. She'd be in Pittsburgh with him. Or at the very least, back at her old run down house sitting in the barn with Snow talking to him on her phone.

"You're right. When you're right, you're right," Meagan sighed and forced a smile back onto her face. "Maybe we should stop for some extra bacon."

"That's my girl," Trinity grinned as if she'd won some kind of contest as she slipped her arm through Meagan's and headed for the door.

* * *

"Damn it! Still nothing," Sidney closed his phone and dropped his head into his hands.

"I hate to say it, but don't you think that you've probably left it too late." Sid didn't raise his head to know it was Nathalie admonishing him from the doorway to his room.

"You think I don't know that?" he snapped, pulling at his hair and cursing under his breath as he gripped his phone in his hand, half wishing he could give up, could stop putting himself through this pain, but the other half was already hitting redial. Of course it was too late. The minute he'd let her down, the minute he'd disappeared without a word it was too late. He'd left her, just like she had said she would; just like he had promised never to do.

"Don't you think she would have returned your call if she wanted to talk to you?" He felt the mattress dip as Nathalie sat down beside him, her hand sliding across the width of his back in slow circles meant to calm and soothe but only made his muscles clench.

"If I could leave her a message," he grumbled, handing her his phone as he pushed himself to his feet and returned to pacing around his room. Nathalie listened to the message about the user being away from the calling area that he'd already heard a hundred times before she folded his phone shut and dropped it to the bed.

"And at her office?" she asked, her eyes following him as he paced, his hands alternatively clenching and balling into fists at his sides. He glanced over at his second mother, looking for hope, wanting her to tell him what to do, how to find her, but all he saw in her eyes was pity and it made his stomach hurt.

"She sold her clinic, didn't leave a forwarding address," he grumbled, the pain of that knowledge was like a spike in his heart and it made it hard to admit out loud that she was now running from him.

"Well...I had hoped for better for you," Nathalie began as his gaze searched hers', "I'd hoped you were really ready for this. We hoped that she was the one for you."

"I am and she is!" he shouted, slamming his hands down on his desk and slumping into the chair, his hands blindly reaching for the picture he'd taken from her house, her in those awful green scrubs of hers with Snow and someone's bird on her arm and some strange mongrel dog laying contentedly at her feet. It had probably been meant for an advertisement for the clinic. He traced the lines of her face with his eyes, and felt his heart sink. "She is," he sighed, reaching out to brush the tip of his finger over her lips. What he wouldn't do to kiss those soft sweet lips now.

"Time to grow up Sidney," Nathalie voice was a sigh behind and above him as she laid her hand on his shoulder. "If someone means that much to you, you can't let them down like this."

"I know I made a mistake," he whispered, more to Meagan's image than to answer Nathalie's charge against him. "I just need the chance to fix it, to make it right. I'll make it right," he promised under his breath, praying he'd be given the chance.


	19. Chapter 19

C19

"Whoa, whoa, slow down girl," Antoine chuckled as Meagan pinned him to the couch, her body straddling his, her mouth on his neck, her fingers tugging his dress shirt up over a six pack eerily reminiscent of another muscular abdomen. "Not that I'm not totally flattered but I recognize that look and as nice as this is, my ego just can't take you calling out some other guys' name. I like to get credit for my own work."

Meagan paused, or rather froze with her hands balled around the bottom of his dress shirt, holding her breath like she'd been caught with her hand in the cookie jar and was desperately hoping that if she was perfectly still she wouldn't be seen. She'd seen cats do it when they didn't want a shot and now she understood the motivation for the first time.

"Did you just tell me to stop?" she heard herself ask, her eyes glued to where her hands were frozen on his abdomen.

"As tempting as you are ma plus belle, and mon dieu you are very tempting, I'm not the kind of guy who takes advantage of pretty women," he pushed himself up on his elbows and carefully pried her fingers from his shirt, and held them in his own larger ones. "You'd hate me in the morning if I did," he added, brushing his lips over the backs of her hands before releasing her and letting her climb off of him and hastily walk away, keeping her back to him as she wrapped her arms defensively around herself.

Standing by the window looking out at the dark city, Meagan felt her cheeks burning with shame. Antoine was right, or course. She had been trying too hard. Shutting her eyes tight she tried to pretend that it didn't matter. She tried to square her shoulders and force away the overwhelming sense of loss that was seeping back into her consciousness.

"Whoever he is, he's lucky." Meagan didn't turn towards the voice. She didn't want this stranger to see the embarrassment she was feeling that she was certain was clear as day on her face. "I know you're probably wishing I had the morals of an alley cat right now," he began, but Meagan only shook her head and wiped defiantly at a tear that streaked down her cheek despite her hard fought attempt at control.

"You have no idea what I wish," she snapped, turning to walk away from him as he put what she was certain he would think was a comforting arm on her shoulder.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he offered, his voice soft, with a hopeful lilt as he moved away to give her space. She wanted to say no. That was her first inclination, but part of her was tired of trying to shove her feelings down, of denying them. "Look, I'm not going home in the middle of the night so if we're going to be here anyway…." She heard the squeak of the leather couch as he sat back down on it, heard him pat the cushion beside him. "They say a problem shared is a problem halved." Meagam turned to see him watching her expectantly with his kind brown eyes, an amused smile on his face that was neither accusing nor was it insincere. "I won't bite, I promise," he added with a grin.

"You're staying?" she sighed, knowing that if Antoine was at still there at breakfast that Trin would come to he own conclusions no matter what Meagan said.

"You'd throw me out in the cold?" he rolled his dark eyes then cocked his head to the side and stuck out his bottom lip before giving up on the kicked puppy look and patting the cushion next to him again. "You'll feel better if you talk about it, I promise."

"Well, I guess, if you're staying," she shrugged, crossing the room and sinking into the plush rich leather at his side, trying to think where on earth she could start and how to tell him without giving away who it was that had broken her heart.

* * *

"Qu'aves-tu fait?" Sidney stared at his reflection in the mirror as he peeled back the protective plastic covering on his upper arm. The skin was still red and swollen, but the elaborate yet simple design was clear as Fleur looked over his shoulder at the same reflection. Sidney didn't answer the rhetorical question. It was obvious what he'd done, even if it had been on a whim in the middle of the night. "Tu es completement fou," Marc shook his head and peered closer at the new ink scratched into Sidney's skin. "You haven't even seen her in what? A month? More?"

"It's just an M, it could be anything," Sidney protested solemnly, turning to look at his shoulder from another angle.

"Yeah, _ta mere_," Fleur sighed, shaking his head again. "If Ott or Ruuts sees that…," Fleur shook his head again as his voice trailed off. It didn't need to be said. He knew how guys like that would take it. He had a reputation for being a whiner, despite his scrap with Ference last season. Guys like Ruuts…hell guys like his friend Bugsy who had sleeves of tattoos, would think he was trying to toughen up his image which couldn't be further from the truth. "Your father will have to have chirurgie de deviation coronaire quand il voit cela."

"That's just it, don't you see? I have to stop worrying about him and what he thinks, that's the whole fucking problem and I have to prove to her that I'm not just some mixed up kid," he muttered, running his fingers over the tender skin and wincing.

"You don't even know when you're going to see her again," Fleur pointed out, returning to Sidney's double bed and reaching for the remote.

"You're the one who told me to go after her," Sidney pointed out, folding the plastic back over the symbol on his arm and pulling his sleeve back down.

"That was before I knew she was going to make a disappearing act," Fleur corrected him without looking away from the sports news, his eyes moving with the ticker at the bottom of the screen. "Maintenant tu es juste hante. I worry for you mon ami," Fleur glanced up from the scores drifting across the bottom of the screen to meet Sidney's eyes, his gaze deadly serious.

"I know, merci, mais tu ne faites pas devez," he sighed, running his hand through his dark hair that was once more growing over the back of his collar into the untamed curls she said she preferred.

"Quelqu'un doit," Fleur gave him the briefest of smiles before turning the sound up when the highlights of the New Jersey game came on.

* * *

"Good morning sleepy head." Meagan stopped mid yawn, her hand shooting up to cover her mouth as she twisted to look up at Antoine who had obviously been serving as her pillow for some time. He smiled down at her, stretching his now unconstrained arms and flexing his long fingers with a contented sigh. "I was beginning to think I might lose a limb."

"Why didn't you just...you know...push me off?" she asked, feeling her cheeks warm as she turned away from his boyish grin.

"What? And lose out on cuddling a gorgeous girl all night? Vous devez penser que je suis fou," he chuckled, a warm comforting sound. Maybe that was why she had found it so easy to talk to him for half the night, even to the point of admitting exactly who she had been talking about. He was cuddly, sort of harmless and like...a little brother or a good friend. He hadn't wanted to know all the gory details like Trin. He'd just listened and waited until it was seemingly all out of her before he'd offered his thoughts on the subject.

'_Go after him'_ he'd said. Even when she'd suggested she didn't belong in Sidney's crazy world full of photo shoots and media events, that all she wanted was a quiet life on a piece of land surrounded by animals, he'd looked into her eyes and shook his head. She'd tried to convince herself and everyone else that she didn't want the dark haired boy who filled her every waking thought, but she couldn't fool this cocky dark eyed young man.

'_It kills me to send you after some other man_,' he'd laughed, tracing the tracks of the tears down her cheeks with his finger '_but ah..l'amour, what can you do_?'

Even now as he rubbed at his eyes and yawned again, she could see that he was watching her to see if she was still trying to talk herself out of it. Of course she was because chasing after someone who didn't seem to care about her seemed like the peak of folly. L'amour indeed. If it was embarrassing just to think about getting on another plane in the middle of winter just a couple of days before Christmas just to see him, how embarrassing would it be to actually have him reject her face to face?

The thought made her stomach turn over but as she reached to put her hand over the offending muscle, his hand covered hers' and she found herself looking up into his dark eyes.

"Vous ne pouvez pas penser cela que vous devez le faire," he whispered, bringing the back of her hand up to his lips. "You can't think about the affairs of the heart, you must act on them. You think too much," he added with a grin and a raise of his eyebrows, "that's why you couldn't go through with ravaging me."

"You were the one who told me to...oh!" she growled and rolled her eyes at him as he reached towards her ribs to tickle her. Jumping to her feet she ran for the kitchen with him hot on her heels and was about to let out a squeal when his fingers slid across her ribs except she found herself looking up into the bespectacled green eyes of Trinity's husband and he was looking at her like she'd just dropped out of some alien landing craft.

"Now I don't know if I should tell you or not," he said, tipping his head to one side and regarding both her and his younger teammate with suspicion.

"Tell me what?" Meagan froze, the shiver running up her spine telling her body to writhe and squeal disappearing as she looked up into the cold clear green eyes that seemed to be judging her. She shoved Antoine's hands off of her and repeated the question, more firmly this time. "Tell me what?" Jarkko narrowed his eyes and looked past her at Antoine, which made her clench her jaw and slide her arms defensively around herself. She wanted to say 'don't look at him, he doesn't matter, just tell me' but she didn't know what she was asking him to tell her. Was it good news? Was it bad?

"It _was_ him calling," Trinity appeared around her husband wrapped in a long dark blue robe that was a bit threadbare and looked like it should be on a man. It probably belonged to her husband, having supplanted her own when her baby bump outgrew it.

"Him...Sidney?" Meagan asked, her voice sounding tiny as she forced herself to breathe despite the tightness in her chest.

"Yes, him. So now what?"

* * *

"I need your help. I don't want your opinion. I don't want you to tell me what you think I should do, I just need your help with something." Mario's hand paused above his keyboard as he looked up at his ward as if he was surprised at the tone Sidney was using. It almost made him flinch. Almost because he'd already prepared himself for an argument.

"You know I'm always here to help, what's on your mind?" Sidney slid into the high backed leather wing chair in front of Mario's imposing desk and told himself to just get on with it, quick, like a band aid. If he pussy footed around it now, Mario would only think that he wasn't sure, and he was sure, almost. Sidney looked up into the ice blue eyes of his mentor and took a deep breath.

"I want you to help me find her. I know that you and my father disapprove but...."

"I never said that I _disapproved_ of your relationship," Mario held up his hand to stop his young charge from arguing the point. He turned to face Sidney, folding his hands carefully in front of him and regarding the young man patiently but seriously. "Your father asked me to go along with his wishes and that you had agreed. To be completely honest, I was actually disappointed in you. Nathalie and I thought you had grown over the summer and we liked the young woman. We thought you two were well suited. Not that I don't think the choice you provided us was sending you both down a difficult road, but it certainly was not me that made the choice you've been living with these past couple of months."

Sidney stared at his mentor and felt guilt and shame twist in his belly. He wanted to ask why Mario had let him believe that he was in league with Troy, but he kept his thoughts to himself. Troy was a difficult man to say no to. He knew that best of all. But Mario was right about one thing. The choice had been his and his alone. There as no point in blaming either his mentor come foster father or Troy. He _had_ made the choice.

"I need to find her," he stated simply, looking imploringly across the massive desk at the tall man with his broad shoulders and shrewd eyes. "I need your help."

"Will it make a difference to how you've been playing?" The corners of Mario's thin lips turned up in a half smile and his blue eyes twinkled.

"She's all I can think of," Sidney shrugged, answering the question that was unsaid but sitting like a giant pink elephant in the room. "I hope so."

"Well I was going to get you knew rims for the Land Rover for Christmas but...maybe we'll consider this your Christmas present?" Sidney nodded and breathed a sigh of relief. It was good to have it out in the open and even better for Mario to have left out any recriminations, even if Sidney was still feeling the lead weight in his stomach that he'd had before he'd entered the big man's office. Maybe that weight had less to do with approaching Mario with his problem than actually dealing with it.

Now he just had to find her and make her forgive him. If he could, he'd consider it a Christmas miracle.


	20. Chapter 20

C20

"Are you sure this is the place miss?" the cabbie peered anxiously at her in the rear view mirror. "Most of the folks round here send for their friends in town cars and limos."

Meagan ignored the underlying question in his words and stared up at the security gate in front of the Lemieux's house. She knew she wasn't here to rob the place. Sure she was wearing black, but only because she was wearing her formal black cocktail dress and heels, certain if they were home she'd be crashing some kind of Christmas dinner party.

If they _were_ home, which was something she was beginning to wonder about. Yes the Holiday lights were on but the driveway seemed strangely vacant and only Mario's big black Escalade sat in the drive, idling. With a quick glance at the entirely dark windows over the garage, Meagan took a deep breath to steady her nerves.

"Can you wait? I just need to see if they're home." The cab driver nodded as Meagan plunged into the snow, pulling her jacket closer around her and stuffing her hands deep in the pockets, thankful she'd left her heels in her bag as she slid on the brick drive way. Reaching for the buzzer on the man door on the gate, she lifted her hand to block the sudden bright glare from the headlights of the Escalade.

"Can I help you?" She recognized the voice and it didn't do anything to slow her rapidly beating heart. Lowering her hand she looked up at the immense shadow looming over her and tried her best not to look as intimidated as she felt.

"Mr. Lemieux, I know it's late, I just wondered…if he's here…if I could have a word with Sidney." It hadn't occurred to her until that moment how many girls might have tried this same approach. Lowering her hand so he could see her face, she peered up at the shadow and hoped he would recognize her.

"Meagan?" She thought she heard him chuckle and her body responded by stiffening, her breath catching in her throat.

"Ummm…yesss sir." Now her teeth were chattering and it wasn't just from the cold. She could see the headlines now: _Sidney's stalker arrested at security gate on Christmas Eve_. She wondered how much help she could expect from the Canadian Consulate. They probably wouldn't believe that she knew him. Just one more desperate puck bunny…

"You have no idea," Mario began, opening the gate and wrapping his long arm around her quaking shoulders. "I have search parties literally out looking for you." Meagan felt her heart surge against her ribs, as if it was trying to jump for joy, the way she felt like she should be doing except all she could do was sag against Sidney's sometime mentor sometime foster parent in sheer relief.

"For me?" she asked, her voice small as she looked up at him through the snow.

"Yes for you. Don't you ever turn your cell phone on?" His huge shoulders shook with mirth as he directed her inside, stomping the snow off of his boots as he shrugged off his jacket.

"I was staying at a friend's but…he hadn't called for weeks," she responded breathlessly, staring at the big French man as he flicked the snow off of his coat onto the tile floor of the entrance way before unwrapping the colourful scarf from below his chin.

"I know, but I'll let you two sort that out." He beamed at her, shaking his head as if he couldn't decide if she was real or he was seeing a ghost. "Right now, let's get you warm while I figure out how to get you to him."

"To him?" Meagan asked, following him dutifully inside the house, leaving wet boot prints on the floor behind her.

"He's in the Bahamas," Mario grinned, giving her shoulder an affectionate sort of rub that she guessed was meant to be encouraging but all Meagan could hear was that she'd come all this way and he was gone. "Don't look like that, we'll get you there. I promised him that I'd find you and I owe him a Christmas present. Now sit, rest. My guess is you're going to have a long night ahead of you."

Meagan watched him disappear towards his study as she flopped, boneless, into a chair. This was all just too confusing and she didn't know whether she should be happy yet. Had Mario really said that they had been looking for her and what did that mean? And what was all this talk about Christmas presents?

Meagan dropped her head into her hands. She was exhausted. Until now she'd been running mostly on adrenalin but the shock of finding him gone had drained that away. She hadn't known whether to expect rejection or a warm welcome. She'd prepared for both, psyched herself up to accept either one.

But not finding him at all seemed like a kick to her stomach. It seemed like she couldn't get enough air into her lungs. It didn't seem fair to come all this way to find him gone and now she would have to wait even longer, still not knowing what to expect. If only she could hear his voice, then she could deal with not knowing what the future would bring. It was the uncertainty that was killing her.

Still…Mario had said they were looking for her, that they had things to sort out. That had to be good. She would hold onto that little kernel of hope until she saw him. It was all she had.

* * *

Getting up early was habit. His mom liked to say 'early bird gets the worms' but that was only a way of trying to make getting up to go the rink before the sun was up more palatable. Now it was just habit.

Sidney swung the typical white hotel towel over his shoulder as he headed for the pool. The place was deserted. The only other vacationers that seemed to be stirring were the blue rinse set and they all seemed to be heading for the restaurant. The thought of eating this early turned his stomach. He always preferred to eat _after_ practice which was part of why he was headed for the pool. Maybe a few laps would help him work up an appetite.

Tossing his towel on the pool deck Sidney contemplated the cool chlorinated blue depths of the pool in front of him, his toes curled around the cement edge. This seemed like a strange thing to be doing on Christmas day. He'd have rather spent it in his grandmother's house, even if it had meant shovelling out the driveway, working up a sweat, beside Troy. He'd grown up with snow on Christmas day. A kidney shaped pool at a five star resort didn't seem to put him in the holiday spirit.

Not that there was much that could do that for him now. Well, there was one thing, but he had to be realistic about that. Mario had told him he had to be patient. That they would probably have to wait until she started working, applied for a license or a lease before they would find her. It wasn't like she was going to use an alias to do something like that but she was probably not going to be doing it during the holidays, maybe not even for months.

He didn't know how he was going to endure it, the waiting. It was like when he was on the ice, trying to be patient, trying to let the puck come to him. Sometimes he could do it, but sometimes, like now, he would grip his stick too tight, jump the rush, get offside or ahead of the puck.

Right now he wanted to be anywhere but here. He knew it was important to his mom to have her whole family together for Christmas and that was the only reason he had agreed to come. What he wanted to be doing, what he felt he needed to be doing was looking for her.

Not that there was any guarantee that finding her would make things better. He knew there was no guarantee that once found, Meagan would even want to hear his plea for forgiveness. The way things were going lately, overtime goal aside, she'd turn and run away from him as fast as her legs would carry her and how could he blame her if she did? After what he'd done, after abandoning her and breaking every promise he'd ever made her, how could he ask her to forgive him? Why would she?

Diving into the pool, he let the rush of cold water ease his tension. He reached for the bottom of the pool, feeling the concrete and tile with his fingertips before pushing up, reaching for the air. He broke the surface with a gasp, shaking the water out of his hair and sucking in a gulp of fresh warm morning air.

Pushing his body through the water like a bullet he relished the sensation of his muscles working. It was a release. He could always lose himself in a work out, let his body take over, let his mind go blank, even if it was just for a little while. As he stroked his way across the pool, the momentary feeling of well being ebbed. Even this wasn't going to ease his pain, not today and it really was too bad he was in such a morose mood that he couldn't enjoy this, this pool, the resort, the heat. He just wished she was here to share it. When he'd thought of Christmas lately, he'd thought of sharing it with her.

Maybe next year, he thought laughing at his own optimism. '_There I go again_,' he thought ducking his head under water. 'M_aybe you should try being a little realistic once in a while. The girl is gone_'. He blew out the breath he was holding as he broke the surface at the edge of the pool, gripping the cement edge to pull himself up. He could have swum to one of those swim ladders but his towel was here.

Or was it? He stood dripping on the concrete staring around his feet. He could have sworn he'd dropped it here...

"Looking for this?" He turned to look towards the source of the voice, bells going off in his head, his heart hammering against his ribs, but the towel covered his eyes. He reached up to pull it off of his head, but there was already a pair of hands there, rubbing the towel over his hair and down to his neck. He tried to turn to look but the hands held his face forward. "Promise me one thing," her voice whispered in his ear, her breath a warm caress against his wet skin.

"Anything," he gasped, unable to breathe past the hammering of his heart.

* * *

"Swear to me you'll never do it again," she whispered, letting the towel slide down to his shoulders, wanting to run her fingers over his damp skin but not trusting herself to stop once she'd begun. It was almost a miracle that she'd managed to not jump into the pool after him. It had been the ultimate act of self control to stand poolside and watch his streamlined body glide through the water. Even at that, she'd had to wrap her arms around herself and bite her tongue.

His hand reached up and grasped her wrist as he turned to face her, pulling the towel down until his hand covered hers' but with the soggy towel as a barrier between them. Devastatingly handsome were the words that immediately sprang to mind. That and 'I love you' but she bit back those words.

She was supposed to be angry at him and she had promised herself that, at the very least, she was going to get an apology out of him before she gave in to her heart, oh and her libido too. She couldn't forget about that, especially with him standing there in nothing but a pair of almost knee length swim shorts, water dripping down his pale but chiselled chest and down over his perfect six pack.

Licking her lips she forced herself to look up into gold flecked hazel eyes. His gaze searched hers' for what seemed like an eternity before his free hand reached up to cradle her cheek. Closing her eyes, Meagan savoured the sensation of his skin against hers'.

"I don't know that my promises should really mean much to you," he whispered, his lips almost touching hers', his breath warm and sweet.

"Promise me," she repeated, her eyes opening to search his face, seeing the wonder and agony mixed there. "Promise me and I'll believe you."

"Then I promise," he whispered leaning his forehead against hers', "I promise I'll never let you down again if you'll forgive me?"

* * *

Meagan ran her hand up his damp chest, her fingers coming to rest over his heart. She could feel his heart hammering beneath the palm of her hand as she turned her lips up to touch his. His lips were cool and wet. She could taste chlorine from the pool, and then, as his hand slid to the back of her head, into her hair, his tongue tasted of orange juice as it swept over hers'.

He deepened the kiss, his body pressing to hers' as he dropped her hand and the towel in favour of sliding his hand down to the small of her back and pulling her close. Sliding her hands up his back and over his shoulders, she ignored the way the cool water covering his skin seemed to work its' way through her sundress. It was easy to ignore things like that when the heat of his skin lit a fire across hers'.

"I missed you," he whispered against her lips, kissing his way up to her eyelids, pressing his lips first over one closed eye and then the other. "I can't believe you're really here."

"Your landlord has an incredible amount of pull. Did you know he had his own plane?" He laughed, hugging her close and she let her head rest in the crook of his neck, letting his familiar clean scent ease the remaining tension in her muscles.

"You haven't answered my question," he asked quietly, his arms wrapped around her, his body still as he waited for her to answer him. Taking a deep breath, Meagan turned her green eyes up to meet his and let him see everything she was feeling, all the mixed up emotions that were churning in her brain.

"I'm working on it," she replied honestly, seeing the wariness and hope mixed in his cinnamon coloured eyes. "It's going to take some time but...I'm here and I'm willing to work on it if you are?" His full lips curled up in a smile and his eyes narrowed as he laughed.

"I'll do anything," he chuckled, his hands moving up to cup her face as he lowered his lips over hers'. "Anything," he repeated with his lips brushing gently over hers'. "I still can't believe you're here. This is the best Christmas present I've ever had," he added, wrapping his arms around her again like she might disappear if he didn't hold onto her.

"Better than street hockey gear?" she asked, giving him a sharp poke in the ribs so she could get some air.

"Better," he laughed, giving her a squeeze before freezing. Meagan turned her attention in the direction he was looking and saw the group of pale tourists pointing in their direction. "Damn," he hissed, "I think we're about to be stampeded."

"We can go to my room," she offered, holding up the elastic around her wrist from which dangled a silver key. His eyes searched hers' for a long moment, like he wasn't sure if she meant what he was obviously hoping she meant. "I may be...upset with you," she whispered, reaching for his hand and twining her fingers in his, "but I still love you, am still _in_ love with you. That's why I'm here," she added, giving his hand a firm squeeze. Leaning in, he pressed his lips lightly to hers' and let her lead him away from the pool and the speculative glances of the other tourists.

* * *

He watched her push the key into the lock and traced the lines of her bare shoulders with his eyes. He still couldn't believe she was here, that she was real, that he could touch her, kiss her. Even if she hadn't forgiven him, she loved him and she was here and she was his. Reaching out he slid his hand beneath her chestnut waves and pressed his lips to the nape of her neck. He felt her answering shiver and couldn't help but smile.

She tugged him inside and he shoved the door closed with one hand while pulled her to him with the other. He crushed her lips underneath his, letting go off the lock to cup the back of her head, moving her mouth under his until his tongue twined with hers'. He backed her towards the bed, his hunger for her overwhelming his senses as he fell over her.

The mattress sunk under their combined weight but he hardly noticed. All he cared about was her, the heat of her skin, the green apple scent of her hair and the softness of her body yielding beneath his. She nipped at his bottom lip as his hand slid down over her hip, down to her knee, bunching the flimsy light weight fabric of her summer dress in his fist as he slid it up the smooth skin of her leg. He heard her sharp intake of breath as his hand slid down the inside of her thigh as he searched for the lace edging of her panties, tugging at them impatiently.

Every night he'd lain awake thinking of her, dreaming of her made him impetuous. He didn't ask for her consent, didn't look for her approval, took her little gasps and sighs as permission enough. When he slid his hand beneath her panties, he found her heated skin slick with need and heard her cry out his name.

He bit into the thin skin above her collarbone and felt her writhe beneath him. Pushing his shorts down, he didn't even bother to get them all the way off, could feel them hanging off of one leg as he pushed her panties aside in his impatience to shove himself deep inside of her. Grunting, he gripped her hips in his hands and slammed his hips into hers'.

The bed rocked beneath them but he ignored it, preferring the feel of her body rising to meet his thrust for thrust, her legs locking around the small of his back, her muscles tugging at him as their bodies collided again and again. He whispered her name into the curve of her neck, felt her fingers weave in his hair, heard her cries of pleasure and let him self go.

"I'm sorry," he panted, pouring himself inside of her, his entire body shaking with the strength of the orgasm as she held him, her arms and legs wrapped protectively around his body. "I'm sorry," he repeated, collapsing on top of her, boneless, spent. He was apologizing for not waiting for her to cum but so much more than that. He was apologizing for being an idiot, for not trusting himself, for not talking to her, for waiting for so long to realize how much he needed her. He wanted to go on apologizing for as long as it took.

"Shhh," she whispered, her lips touching his cheek, whispering his name, her fingers brushing through his hair, down to his shoulders, holding him close, cradling his body against hers'. "I love you," she whispered as he rolled onto the bed beside her, pulling her body close to his, holding her to him while he whispered her name into her hair.

"I love you too," he sighed, burying his face in her hair, stroking his fingers down her waist and over her hip, feeling her snuggle into him, the heat of her, the softness of her body pressed to his still didn't seem real. "I'm sorry I screwed up. I'm sorry I hurt you."

"Why did you do it?" she asked quietly, her voice barely above a whisper as her arms wrapped around the width of his back, her cheek pressed to his shoulder, her legs wrapped over his, her dress bunched up between them. He thought about the answer and didn't know how to explain it. He knew he could blame his father, but in truth it wasn't really Troy that deserved the blame.

"I thought it was the right thing to do. I don't know how to make you fit in my life," he replied honestly, backing his body away from hers' just enough so that he could look at her, look into her eyes while he told her what he needed to say. "But I can't live without you, so whatever it takes, I want to do. I need you Meagan."

* * *

She felt tears spring to her eyes at the earnestness in his eyes. She traced the outline of his full lips with her fingertip and then pressed hers' over his in a long soft kiss.

"You have been sucking lately," she mused, her lips curling up into a smile as he laughed. She watched his face transform from serious to young and carefree in a moment and felt relieved. She didn't want him make any more hasty promises that he couldn't back up. Her late night, all night, discussion with Antoine had given her insights into Sidney's life that she had never, would never, have understood before. It would be hard to fit into his life and there would be scrutiny over their relationship from any number of people that were important to his career and his life. His life wasn't really his own and she would have to find a little niche in it and try to make it work. It wasn't really his fault but it wouldn't be easy. She made a mental note to thank Antoine some time, not only for that, but for his encouragement that had helped her make the trip that had led her back to his arms.

The creases beside his eyes smoothed as his expression turned serious again. Meagan reached up and ran her fingers down his cheekbone to his lips and pressed them there, trying to ward off the words she could see in his eyes but his hand reached up and pulled her hand away.

"I don't want to lose you, and I don't want to scare you and I know you already said once that I needed to wait," he sighed, bringing her hand up to his lips and pressing them gently to her fingertips, "and I know you think that I'm impulsive or whatever, but I want to marry you, tonight if we can, out on the beach. I don't want to lose you again, ever."

"You won't," she whispered, her chest tightening as he pulled her to him, under him, his hands dragging her dress up over her breasts and onto the floor somewhere. She felt her body shiver under his worshipful gaze, her nipples tightening as his eyes swept leisurely over her body. She raised her hips as he pulled her panties down and tossed them on the floor to join the rest of their clothes. She offered her lips to his as he slid between her thighs, their bodies uniting in a slow rhythm.

They wrapped themselves around each other, becoming one being, one heart, one life, until she didn't know where she began and he ended. Closing her eyes, she felt his heart beating beneath her skin, his breath in her lungs, his words in her mind.

'_I love you'_.

Over and over, until it was not words but visions, movies playing in her mind of them, both of them, together, growing old, babies, Stanley Cups, dogs, horses, the two of them hand in hand on a porch swing watching the stars, hands wizened with age. No more nightmares of wet black pavement. She had new visions to replace the horror of those images; visions of forever with Sidney.

She felt tears sprint to her eyes as the first wave rushed over them, their voices raised in unison as the orgasm tore through them at the same time.

"Yes," she sighed, holding onto him like her life depended on it and maybe it did.

"Yes?" he breathed, pushing up over her, holding himself still while he gazed down into her face, the question clear in his eyes.

"Yes, tonight, now, whatever. Yes now, yes forever," she sobbed, tears spilling down her cheeks while he grinned down at her, his face transformed into a thousand points of light.

"Yes!" he cried out triumphantly, grabbing her to him, holding her tight against him, his arms a vice and suddenly she didn't mind if she couldn't breathe. It didn't matter. They had each other, and somehow everything else would work itself out because her heart felt whole for the first time in forever and she knew as long as he looked at her like he did now, eyes full of wonder and happiness, that everything else would somehow work itself out. This was all that mattered. He loved her and she loved him, forever.


	21. Chapter 21

_* Just a note to say Happy Holidays to everyone and thanks for all the best wishes, back atcha as they say. _

_I was going to leave this story at the last chapter but after a few of you pointed out that Troy wasn't going to just let it go at that, I had to go back and rethink it so to those of you who weren't ready to leave Meagan and Sid to their happy ever afters, here you go_

C21

Sidney put the bag of presents down and turned and placed his hands on either side of her face, cupping her head in his hands, and pressed his lips fervently over hers'. It was as much to remind himself to be brave as it was to ask her to be ready for what he expected on the other side of the door in front of them. Already Sidney could feel the prickling sensation at the back of his neck, like he could sometimes when an opposition player was barrelling down on him from across the ice. He knew he was going into the boards, hard, and there wasn't going to be anything he could do about it. The idea was to relax and let the hit happen. The more you tensed, the more you tried to turn away, the more you got hurt.

As a player, there was always the choice to sidestep a hit, but Sidney knew that avoiding an argument nearly always made things worse between him and Troy and besides, he knew he had to face this one head on. There wasn't time to get around it. He had to leave in a few hours for a flight to meet the rest of the guys in Jersey and as much as he would have preferred to spend the rest of the time he had in Meagan's arms, he knew that his mother would never forgive him if he missed out on family time.

"Ready?" he asked as their lips parted, leaning his forehead against hers' and reaching down for her hand, lacing his fingers with hers'. He'd told her as much as he could without blaming Troy entirely, but he knew that he couldn't be sure how she would be treated once he opened that door.

"Never," she replied honestly, her hand feeling cool and clammy in his. "But it can't be worse than my parents." She looked up at him with a hopeful smile and it he knew it was meant to reassure him, buttress him and it did, for long enough to put his hand on the door. Over protective parents was one thing. Troy was something else entirely.

"Just remember I know that I've fucked up," he whispered hoarsely, kissing her eyelids, her cheeks, "but I'm going to fix it." She nodded, squeezing his hand. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door once, and then turned the handle, pushing the door in ahead of them.

"Meagan!" Taylor bounced out of her seat all at once and charged towards them. Sidney watched as Meagan reached for her with her free hand, sliding her arm protectively over his younger sibling's waist and pulling her into his side. At least there was one member of the family on their side. Taylor's eyes shone with enthusiasm at seeing them together at long last, even if she did lean around Meagan to give him a well deserved raspberry.

It was almost a shock to look up into the naked fury in his father's eyes. Not that he'd expected anything different. He opened his mouth to speak, but his mother stood between them, her eyes wary, her smile determined. Her arms outstretched, she walked towards her children and gathered them to her in a protective embrace.

Well, Sidney thought as he regarded his father's inflexible jaw over his mother's shoulder. That makes two on our side.

* * *

It wasn't so much a room, Meagan thought as she looked around the suite the Crosby's were in, it was too palatial to be called that. The sitting room alone was bigger than the room she was in. She barely had time to glance around the room once before Taylor was flying at them with a wide grin on her face. Meagan felt herself grinning back at the teen as she slid her arm around her and welcomed her arms pulling them altogether. She barely had time to register the indulgent brotherly smile on Sidney's face before his mother was pulling them all into a bear hug.

For someone who came from a family that rarely touched, never mind indulged in openly familiar contact like this, it was all Meagan could do to remain where she was rather than run screaming out of the room.

She would do that for him. She'd promised she'd stay by his side no matter what was said. She'd come this far, it seemed the least she could do, but as she looked up into the tempest in Troy Crosby's face, she wondered how far that determination would carry her.

"What is she doing here?" Troy's voice thundered through the silence and Meagan felt Sidney stiffen against her, his hand clasping hers' even more tightly.

"_She_ has a name," Sidney began, peeling his mother's arms off of him and brushing her cheek with a soft kiss while he directed her towards the couch behind which Troy stood, fuming. "You should know, I've asked Meagan to be a part of this family," he continued, levelling his gaze at his father while Taylor continued to hold onto both of them, despite Meagan's hushed insistence that she join her mother. "So if we're having a family Christmas breakfast I thought she should join us."

The silence that filled the room was like a heavy fog weighted by rain. Meagan could feel Taylor's eyes turn to scrutinize her father's reaction but her own attention was transfixed to the mousy woman sitting on the sofa between them, her hands clenched on her lap, her attention glued to the floor in front of her. Meagan wanted to yell at her to stand up, to tell her husband to shut up and play nice, or even just to look her own son in the eye. She'd never seen a woman more determined to have the earth open up and swallow her whole rather than deal with the issue before her.

But now everything that she had said before made perfect sense. She wouldn't get between father and son. She would neither take her son's side nor would she tell her husband he was wrong.

Meagan's stomach twisted and churned as she waited for someone to say something. She turned to look into Sid's defiant caramel coloured eyes, her gaze sweeping over the determined set of his jaw and wondered just what this might cost him and whether she was willing to bear that burden. Turning, she looked over at Troy, his craggy face and soft features turned granite as he tried to stare down his determined young son.

She wanted to say something, anything, to break the heavy silence of the room but couldn't find the words. The most she seemed able to do was stand her ground, hold her lover's hand and transfer whatever strength she could muster silently to him.

* * *

"You're making a mistake," Troy grumbled after what seemed like an eternity of watching him clenching his jaw and digging his meaty hands into the back of the couch. To anyone who didn't know better, it might have looked like the argument was about to continue. Four people in this room knew better and he could already feel the weight lifting from his shoulders as Taylor's arms slid away from him and his mother lifted her head.

"I tried it your way, now I'm trying it mine." Sidney couldn't help getting in one last jab. That was something he'd never dared to do when he was younger, but somehow it seemed necessary now. Maybe it was part of 'growing up', but more and more Sidney felt the need to distance himself from the big man who was still glaring at him from across the room.

Maybe Troy didn't want to admit to it, but Sidney knew he was living his life vicariously through him and he'd long since grown weary of it. This was far from the only argument they'd had about his career and personal life and with a weary sigh, Sid silently admitted that he knew it was unlikely to be the last.

Lifting her hand, Sidney brushed his lips across the back of her hand as he led her towards the couch. Meagan looked over at him warily but the satisfied smile on his lips told her that all was well, for now. With a shudder that told him just how worried she'd been, she let herself sink into the couch beside his mother and he thought if she could have, Meagan probably would have rather been anywhere but in the middle of his family squabbles but he had one more thing left to do before this was really over, even if it meant poking the bear.

"Mom, do you still have that..._thing_ with you?" Tina looked up at him with a surprise smile and nodded, scurrying off through one of the doors off of the main room. Even though Taylor had already begun ripping into the presents that Sid had dropped at her feet, running an ongoing monologue aimed at mostly at Meagan, Meagan turned her green eyes up at him quizzically. He hadn't let go of her hand and only smiled over it at her, hiding most of his grin behind it.

His mother bustled back into the room holding out a simple box to him, the size of a hot wheels car. He took it from her reverently, carefully balancing it in the palm of his hand before sinking to his knees in front of Meagan.

The room went silent for the second time as she watched him, wide eyed. Her breathing quickened as his gaze held hers'. Reluctantly Sid let go of her hand as he opened the box and turned it towards her, waiting for and watching her reaction.

* * *

Meagan felt her hands fly up to cover her mouth. The last thing she wanted to do was let out a 'holy shit' in front of her reluctant in-laws. Inside the non-descript box were three rings. The first, a three stone setting in what looked like platinum, the second a band of diamonds and the third, a simple gold band meant for a man's finger.

Meagan looked up over the box into Sidney's hazel eyes, opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Chuckling, Sidney pried the first ring from its cushioned home, put the box down on the table and reached for her hand. Quaking, Meagan let him slip the ring on her hand, still unable to do more than make the tiniest of noises.

"I know I keep asking you this, but I want to make it official," he whispered, running his thumb around the ring and then gently over the back of her hand. "Meagan Raferty, will you be my wife?"

She'd already said yes to him, she told herself as he looked up at her with trusting puppy dog like eyes. That had been in the throes of passion, she reminded herself, not under the intense scrutiny of his family. It had been easy to say yes when she had been relieved to have him in her arms. It was different altogether to say yes now when everyone's eyes were on her, waiting expectantly for her answer.

Still, as she looked into his eyes, it was easy to say yes, albeit in a whisper and through an abundance of tears. It was easy to say yes as he hugged her to him, wrapping his strong arms around her, holding her close. It was easy to say yes surrounded by the happy squeals of Taylor and the tearful hug that enclosed them all in the arms of his mother.

It wasn't so easy when she found herself looking up into the icy cold disapproving eyes of his father.

"Don't think you're home free. I'll have a pre-nup drawn up so fucking air tight you won't be able to get a fart through it." Meagan smiled up at him, glad to be ready to answer the cold calculating accusation in his stern expression.

"I agree completely. Go ahead. In fact, make sure I get nothing, because this isn't about who you seem to think Sidney is. I love the person, not the player, not the money making machine. I barely understand what he does. I'm happy not knowing," she added, feeling Sidney's arms loosen as he turned to look up at his father looming over all of them.

"Mario has already had one drafted," Sidney added, turning his fierce gaze up to meet Troy's "but I'm not leaving my wife with nothing, not that it matters to you." Meagan opened her mouth to protest but Sidney pressed the tips of his fingers to her lips. "I'm not leaving my wife with nothing," he reiterated sternly. "Besides you have as much right to protect the money left to you from Brad's estate as I do any of mine."

Brad's estate. Meagan waited for the words to hurt, to make her heart bleed like they once would have, but it didn't happen. It didn't hurt to hear his name said aloud, to hear it, especially teamed with that word 'estate'. That had all seemed so very final the first time she had heard it said. Now it just seemed like words.

He'd done that, she thought as she gazed affectionately as Sidney. He'd taken away the pain. Certainly he'd caused her his own brand of pain, but for now she could live with that, as long as she had his toothy boyish grin to use as a band aid to make the rest of it all better.

"You've thought of everything," she whispered as he leaned in to press his lips over hers'.

"I had a little help," he admitted, stroking her cheek with his fingers as if they were the only two in the room. Leaning in he kissed her, a soft but thorough kiss that curled her toes and left her body tingling and wanting more, but she would have to wait for more she knew as he turned back to his family, reaching with one hand for a wrapped box handed him by his mother while he kept hold of her hand in his other, transformed from competitive phenom one minute to simply son and boyfriend the next.

Everything suddenly seemed so normal; everything except the man across the room who was still scowling at them both. He wasn't sold on the idea yet. Yet, she reminded herself. She could win him over, she hoped. It was just going to take some time.

* * *

Yawning, Sidney found the same green eyes gazing up at him now as when he'd gone to sleep. Reaching out from beneath the blanket they'd been given, he stroked her long Chestnut hair and found himself grinning. So it hadn't all been a dream then.

"Are you awake or still awake?" he asked, kissing her forehead as she snuggled as close the two first class seats would allow.

"Still," she replied with a sigh, leaning her cheek against his shoulder and yawning. "I figure I can sleep when we get there. You probably have friends to catch up with, interviews...things like that."

"Probably." It was his turn to sigh. He could do without all of that stuff right about now. Tonight he'd much prefer be just for the two of them. He'd been without her for so long he was still getting used to being able to reach out and have her be there. "Does that mean you don't want to do any of that with me?" he asked quietly, brushing a lock of her chestnut hair from her eyes. She closed her eyes and went silent. He waited patiently for her answer. The last thing he wanted now was to rush her into anything else.

"I'm not ready for that," she said quietly, opening her big green eyes to look up at him. "I'm not ready for questions and attention. We don't have to tell anyone yet, do we?" she asked, reaching for his hand and wrapping it around hers so that the tri diamond ring blinking in the half light of the overhead reading lamp. Sighing, Sidney ran his fingertip over the ring and shook his head. He wished there was more to tell. In the end, there hadn't been time for the twilight beach wedding he'd hoped for. She seemed content with this much of a commitment from him, but it still didn't seem enough to him. He felt like he needed insurance, but telling the media before he'd told his team mates wasn't the right thing to do either, even though there was a part of him that felt like that would somehow make it more official.

"I promise, we'll just tell the guys," he sighed, kissing her forehead again before yawning and stretching which got the attention of one of the flight attendants.

"More orange juice Mr. Crosby?" Sidney swallowed his laughter. Every time someone called him that he felt the urge to look around for his father.

"How about some champagne?" he asked, feeling like being just a little reckless, like pushing the boundaries, at least here if he couldn't shout it from the roof tops like he wanted to. "I feel like celebrating."

"Planning on having a better start to the second part of the season?" the stewardess asked with a wink as she headed for the back of the aisle, presumably for glasses and a bottle of expensive bubbly.

"That's the plan," he smiled at Meagan who was rolling her green eyes at him. "Now that I have everything I need," he added, lifting her hand to his lips so that the diamonds caught the light as they were handed the champagne flutes.

"These are exactly the kind of people you don't want to tell," Meagan hissed, trying to pull her hand loose from his but he wouldn't have it.

"I'm not hiding you and I'm not ashamed of you. I want to just be normal, like everyone else for a change. I want to tell the whole plane," he whispered, looking up into her eyes with what he knew was his best little boy pleading look.

"Yes but your normal is far from everyone else's normal," she reminded him quietly. "And I would like to try your normal on for size before you go telling everyone. Promise me," she hissed, glancing around at the other first class passengers, most of whom were either passed out or on their lap tops with the ipods in. They were mostly Canadian he thought, but still, would it really matter that much if anyone knew? It wasn't like his personal life was ever going to make the front page.

"Alright," he relented with a sigh. "For _now_, but there's no telling what will happen when we get back to Pittsburgh and you and Nathalie start house shopping and wedding planning," he added with a grin that met with another roll of her emerald eyes.

"No one is rushing into anything. We'll have to see how Mario is doing with the green card and all that before we do anything else. Do you want me to get deported?" she asked with a playful grin. He shook his head and leaned in to kiss her, an intimacy which she'd been denying ever since they'd gotten to the airport. This time, however, she allowed it. Not only allowed it, but with a tug at his shirt, she deepened the kiss until her tongue was sweeping over his and stirring things into an alert state that had no business being awake in public.

* * *

For her part, Meagan hadn't been able to keep her eyes off of him. Awake or asleep, she couldn't help but watch over him, memorizing every line and every angle of his face, the tiny scar below his bottom lip, on his left cheekbone and how just a couple of days beard growth could transform his face from boyishly charming to rakishly sexy.

There were things she could do to him under the blanket, things she wanted to do but didn't dare. She could see the headlines now, Sidney Crosby arrested on Westjet flight for public indecency. And yet it was so difficult to keep her hands to herself when she had him on his own, or nearly alone. There were only a couple of other people in first class and they didn't seem too awake, never mind worried about what the young couple were doing under the blanket.

Even now, watching him trying to keep a straight face while she slid her hand up under his shirt was enough to make her risk being dragged from the plane in handcuffs. Would Mario bail them out she wondered as she ran her fingertips over his abs and up the smooth skin of his chest to where he was developing a patch of hair between his pectoral muscles. She felt him shiver as the palm of her hand slid over his nipple, felt the little pink bud harden as she teased it to life.

"Want to join the mile high club?" she whispered as he began to chew nervously on his bottom lip. His caramel eyes opened to reveal the mixture of pain and pleasure she was causing him, which made her bolder. Giggling, she slid her hand back down his chest, following the goody trail from his navel south she slid her hand beneath the waist of his pants and heard his breath catch in his throat.

"Here?" he asked, or rather squeaked as he reached to stop her fingers from exploring any further. The panic in his hazel eyes was adorable. Meagan licked her lips and grinned. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so daring.

"Well there is the more..._traditional_ place," she whispered, glancing up the aisle at the bathroom door, making sure that it didn't say occupied. His gaze followed hers' and she heard his low groan as he let go of her hand and she slide it lower, curling her fingers around the thick heaviness of his need.

"Everyone will know," he moaned into her mouth, reaching for her lips with his as his own hands slid under the blanket and over her aching breasts.

"Everyone will know if we do it here," she giggled, squeezing him just hard enough to make him catch is breath. Nodding, he agreed and gave her a little push.

"You first," he whispered against her lips, "I'll be right behind you."

With a wink and a grin, Meagan slid out from beneath the blanket and sashayed towards the bathroom. Knowing his eyes would be hungrily following her, she made a show up undoing the snap on her jeans and she could swear she could hear him groan behind her.

There was barely room to turn around in the tiny cubicle she thought as she struggled out of her jeans, giggling as she thought of tossing her panties out into the aisle for him to pick up. She could imagine the deep shade of red he would already be as he struggle up the aisle trying to hide the obvious tent in his pants, the lacy red panties she was swinging on the end of her finger might make him turn around and run.

Sliding backwards onto the cold steel surface of the sink Meagan caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and shuddered.

What was she doing here acting like some kind of sex crazed teenager? Reaching up she ran her fingers along the grey hairs at her temple down to that line that had been deepening on her forehead. Leaning into the mirror she searched for signs of crows-feet, or worse yet, jowl lines. Dropping the red lace panties to the floor, she reached with both hands and pulled her face back to where it had been only five years ago.

What was she doing here and what was he doing here with her? Looking down at the ring on her finger, Meagan traced the shapes of the big square cut diamonds and felt herself frowning. He loved her, now, but what would happen five years from now when she was in her mid thirties and he was only in his mid twenties? What would happen when her boobs were sagging and all those young girls that hung around the rink were half her age? As if they weren't already?

It was one thing to go chasing after him to some beach where it seemed so easy to be with him and the worst thing they had to deal with was his disapproving father, but what if Troy was right? What if he _was_ making a huge mistake and that this was only some kind of teenage rebellion on Sidney's part and she was going to be a used up divorcee at 35?

The lock rattled and Meagan almost jumped out of her skin. She was reaching for her jeans when Sidney slid through the door, pulling it shut and locking it behind him. There was barely room for both of them in the tiny cubicle and Meagan was forced to leave her jeans on the floor and face him, tears welling in her eyes. The raw hunger in his eyes leaked away as his gold flecked eyes searched her face, his hand reaching up to cup her cheeks even as she tried to erase the indecision and apprehension from her features.

* * *

"What is it?" he asked, stepping between her thighs but only to get closer to her, ignoring the fact that her panties on and jeans were wadded up on the floor. His only focus was her, the silvery glow of tears welling in her eyes, the warm pink glow of seduction suddenly gone from her face.

"Nothing," she whispered, trying to duck away from his probing gaze. He knew she was lying. He'd seen this look on her face before.

"Tell me," he insisted, raising her gaze to meet his, his fingers cupping her chin as he reached for her soft lips with his own. "I need to know what's going on in that beautiful head of yours'."

"You'll only tell me not to worry," she muttered, turning away from his so that his lips fell on the corner of her jaw instead of their intended target.

"Is this about Troy because...," she shook her head, still refusing to meet his gaze, her eyes closed to him, hiding from him. He stroked her cheek and felt her lean into his hand. "It doesn't matter what he says, or anyone else says Meg...," he pushed her chin up and her green eyes opened to look up into his. "I love you."

"Now," she sighed, her eyes closing again as she tried once more to hide from him, but he wasn't going to have it, didn't have the patience for it.

"There's one thing you will learn about me," he stated simply, wrapping her protectively in his arms. "I'm stubborn and I don't give up on anything. I've waited a long time to feel like this," he heard the sound of derision she made deep in her throat and decided to ignore it. She was right, she had a few years on him and maybe she'd seen and been through a lot but then so had he. "I'm not just going to fall out of love with you Meagan. It's not like that, not for me." She lifted her eyes to look up at him and he could see that she didn't believe him. "I've never told anyone else that I love them, not until you," he added, seeing the spark in her eyes. "I love you, just you," he whispered, tilting her lips up to his as he smiled down at her. "You're the one with a past, not me and I know I have to keep proving to you that I won't leave again so I'm okay with that but just so you know, I'm not going anywhere, I'm not leaving and I'm not going to make you regret saying you'll marry me."

The tears spilled from eyes and he endeavoured to kiss them all away but that naturally lead to her lips and once there, he couldn't seem to stop kissing her. Her lips were soft and pliant and her body yielded to his as he kissed his way down the sculpted line of her jaw to the perfectly formed shell of her ear. He whispered things in her ear, asking her to do things with her hands and her body that she seemed reluctant at first to do, but as their bodies united, she looked up into his eyes and through her tears she offered the softness of her lips again.

"I'm so afraid of losing you," she whispered against his lips.

"Do you think I'm not afraid of losing you?" he asked, holding his body still despite the pull of hers'. He searched her face and found just the hint of a smile pulling at the corner of her full lips and leaned his forehead against hers'. "I'm not gonna say I know exactly what the hell I'm going do when I get you back to the Burgh but I do know that I'm not going to let go of you. It would take a pry bar and Souray and Milan Lucic and maybe Pronger to take me away from you now." He knew she might not know what he meant, but when they got back he'd show her, and maybe then she'd believe he meant what he said. Until then, he was determined to get lost in the warmth of her body and get his membership in the mile high club.

At least he'd have a hell of a story to tell the boys when he got the hotel.


	22. Chapter 22

okay, okay you got me! at your urging, and you know who you are, Keep Your Heart Broken is NOT over. Let me know if you think I'm on track here and thanks for the encouragement

C22

Meagan looked up from the table that was strewn with invitations and place-card designs to watch Sidney emerge from Mario's office, his head down, heading straight up the stair case without so much as looking in her direction. She slid out of her seat, intending to follow him but Nathalie's hand reached out and pushed her back down into her chair.

"He won't thank you," Nathalie stated simply without even looking up from the guest lists she was writing out. Meagan sank back into her chair, staring wistfully after him. It went against the grain to leave a wounded animal to lick its own wounds, even if it was a full grown man. What she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him and comfort him but she knew Nathalie was right. There didn't seem to be a way of making him feel better these days.

Things were that bad out on the ice that he barely slept these days. He would lie awake, sometimes for hours. Or worse, he'd feign sleep and then hours later Meagan would wake to find him sitting, staring out the window at the grey dawn, his face a mask of concentration but every time she asked him if she could help, he'd only shake his head and send her back to bed, alone.

"I hate to see him like this," she sighed, staring at the mess in front of her on the table. The plans that had at first seemed exciting albeit overwhelming, now seemed a pointless waste of time. He seemed just as interested in the wedding plans as he was her, which meant not at all, and still, she couldn't blame him.

"He'll get through it, you have to have some patience with him," Nathalie added, reaching over to place her hand on top of Meagan's sympathetically.

"I know," Meagan mumbled, though she wasn't at all sure she had the patience. It was hard enough to be in a strange city without a single friend, but to have your only connection withdraw from you.... "I just wish there was something I could do."

"I know," she looked up to see Nathalie smiling back at her. "It doesn't get any easier either," she added, turning her own gaze to the closed office door for a long silent moment before she turned back to Meagan with a wistful smile. "It's easier when they're just kids and you can tell them it's just a game."

"How do you do it?" Meagan asked, her shoulders dropping. "How do you just...say nothing?"

"If he wants my advice, he'll ask," the older woman shrugged and reached for a pile of invitations, shuffling them like a deck of cards before she began to pick through them, scrutinizing them individually before placing them in three separate piles. Meagan didn't want to know what the piles meant. She knew Nathalie would insist on going through them with her later anyway. At times in the last couple of weeks she had begun to feel like their wedding, hers and Sid's, was some sort of dry run, a dress rehearsal for Lauren's wedding.

Lauren did her best to avoid all of the hub-bub, including avoiding any discussion of bridesmaid gowns. Meagan understood her feelings exactly, which is why she found herself pushing away from the table and heading towards the stairs.

"He needs some time on his own," Nathalie reminded her without looking up from her piles.

"I have to try," Meagan shrugged, heading up the stairs into the dark wing of the house; his wing...their wing.

There hadn't been much time for house hunting since Christmas. The playing schedule was full, and besides, most houses seemed so depressing and desolate this time of year, especially the empty ones, the bank foreclosures, of which there seemed to be many. Meagan wanted them to look at the houses together, make a decision together, and so they had decided to put off the decision until the season was over, which was beginning to look like it was coming sooner rather than later.

Which was why she found him on the window seat now, sitting in the dark with his knees pulled up to his chest, his arms locked around them staring out at the dark overcast sky. He looked so very young and vulnerable there that she felt a wave of protectiveness wash over her, and yet she knew that what was haunting him now she couldn't wrap her arms around him and keep away, even if she wanted to.

Closing the door quietly behind her, Meagan crossed the floor to him. He uncurled a hand from around his leg and held it out to her, palm up. She put her hand in his and felt him squeeze it. He was going to squeeze it and then tell her to go, to leave him alone. Not tonight she thought. Not again.

"You know, there are lots of ways that a pup can become an Alpha in a pack," she began, ignoring his weary eye roll as she lowered herself to sit cross legged on the floor near him, brushing her lips over his bruised knuckles before continuing. "He can fight for the position, take over by force and chase off the old Alpha," she continued thoughtfully, staring straight ahead to avoid what she knew would be a cold glare. He didn't like to talk about his position on the team with her, or rather he felt like he shouldn't burden her with his problems, as if not talking to her wasn't a burden of its' own. "Now, what usually happens to the pack when that happens is either the new Alpha is strong enough and smart enough to lead the pack on his own, or he takes on a second in command, a beta, usually an older member of the pack but not one that is a physical threat to the new Alpha."

She glanced up at his now thoughtful face and smiled to herself. She didn't know how else to give him the advice that had been stirring in her brain for days now. She thought of the ex Pens that he spoke of so often with reverence, Georges, Gary, Rex and even Jarkko. She thought of the last with a grin. It was hard to believe Sidney thought of that jokester as 'wise', although he had seemingly tamed Trinity sooo....

"So what if this...Alpha doesn't do either of those things?" Sidney asked quietly, his thumb running gently over the back of her hand. "Does the pack die?"

"Well, it _could_, if he's not a good leader," she began but smiled to herself in the dark as she leaned her cheek against his hand. "He might lead them on some daring raids against a chicken coup or two, maybe take on a weaker pack to strengthen his but if he's _really_ smart, do you know what he does?"

"What?" Meagan ignored the slight irritation in his voice, knowing that it meant he had taken the advice as she meant it.

"He charms the smartest, strongest female in the pack and takes her as his mate and then she becomes the Alpha female and helps him and he listens to her and together they are better than one and then you know what they do?" She turned her gaze up to meet his and was rewarded with a boyish grin.

* * *

"What do they do?" he asked, suppressing a laugh as she returned his smile with a playful one of her own.

"Have puppies, lots of puppies." She tugged on his arm but he easily pulled her to her feet and into his arms. Sitting as he was, he found himself looking up into her eyes and felt his heart beat quicken. It was easy to forget about all the shit going on with the team when she was in his arms. Lately he'd begun to blame her for being a distraction but when he held her he knew that it wasn't true. Whatever was going on out on the ice had nothing to do with this.

What kind of fool could blame her for what little peace she afforded him?

"So, let me get this straight, you're saying you want to have puppies?" he asked, pulling her closer as he slid so that he could pull her into the circle of his arms, his legs falling along side of hers. He lifted his lips for her to kiss and the warm brush of her lips was like a healing potion. The headache that had been keeping him in the dark suddenly lifted.

"Yes, furry ones, preferably of the Mastiff or Rottweiler variety," she teased as he began to nibble at her neck as his hands wandered lower.

"Soooo, you just want to continue to _practice_ at making babies?" he whispered in her ear as she sighed and shivered against him.

"Well you know what they say," she giggled as he dropped to his feet and pulled her off the floor in one sweeping motion, wrapping her legs around his waist as he carried her towards the bed.

"They seem to have a lot to say," he whispered against her lips before pressing his over hers' and effectively silencing her. He felt her body melt against his as he lowered her to their new bed, the one concession she'd been willing to make so far in their failed attempt at house hunting. A king sized four-poster wrought iron bed with a red organza canopy and black cotton sheets. Not exactly his taste but he had to concede that her pale skin looked amazing against the sheets and at least it wasn't pink. He felt the pillow soft mattress give under them, the new thick down filled quilt gathering around them like a warm nest.

"Practice makes perfect," she sighed, arching her neck invitingly. A sight he could no sooner ignore than he could a juicy rebound in front of the net. His teeth grazed her ivory skin as he kissed his way down to her collarbones and beyond.

Yes she was a distraction, but if it meant he could enjoy moments like this, no matter how brief, then he would accept full responsibility for letting himself be distracted. After all, wasn't almost every guy he knew hooked up or shacked up with someone? Did anyone tell Fleur to send Veronique home to Quebec? Did anyone suggest that Jordy send his little farm girl home to plant corn? No, he growled as her body arched up against his, her eyes fluttering shut as she moaned out his name. She was a distraction all right, but she was his distraction and he was going to stop blaming himself and blaming her for what was happening on the ice.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his hands cupping her full breasts, his lips travelling across the sharp line of her jaw.

"I'm here for you," she replied in a hoarse whisper, her fingers cupping the back of his head. "Don't forget that. I may not be able to work in this blessed country yet but I can help you, I can listen, I can talk you through things." She offered him her soft lips and he took them, reverently, slowly, kissing her until she softened against him, her body melding to his.

"I won't do it again. I promise," he sighed, resting his forehead against hers, drinking in the now familiar and calming scent of her skin, the fruit scent in her hair, the vanilla in her lotion.

"You probably shouldn't make promises Sid, you kinda suck at keeping them," she whispered against his lips as her hands slid down between them, stroking his already aching erection. "But I appreciate the sentiment," she added with a grin as he sighed in irritation.

"I'll do better," he whispered as she pushed him onto his back and slid down the bed.

"I know you will," she grinned at him as she tugged at the fly of his jeans. "And I won't let you brood for so long next time," she added with lick of her lips before she took him in her mouth and he ceased to think straight, or at all.

* * *

"What the hell were you thinking?" The boom of his voice broke through the usual sounds of morning in the Lemieux household, the sound of glasses and spoons and cooking and children's chatter, and sent a chill down Sidney's spine. "Or weren't you thinking? Is that it?"

"It was just a fight dad. It's not a big deal," Sid made himself reply against his better judgement. He had a better perspective on things in the light of day. Not that that provided a guarantee of improvement in his fortunes but at least he had been feeling better about his world, until now.

"Just a fight? What were you trying to do, break your hand on his helmet? Some chance you'd have at the scoring title with a broken hand," his father continued to rant, sliding into the empty seat at the table that was now generally thought of as Meagan's. It made Sidney's blood pressure rise and reflexively caused him look over his shoulder towards the stairs for her.

"Or you just wanted to get off the ice early to get home to your little whore?" Sidney saw Meagan pause on the stairs, her foot half way down to the second to last step and he could read the indecision clearly on her face. Do I continue down? Or do I turn and go back the way I came and avoid this conversation, again?

Sidney also heard her voice in his head, the promise she'd elicited from him that she not come between him and his family, that she did not want for him to have to choose. He'd also made a promise to try harder not to dwell on things for too long. He'd been making a lot of promises lately.

The silence in the room was deafening. No one moved. It seemed like everyone was holding a collective breath, waiting for Mount Sidney to blow. Not today, Sidney thought as he pushed back his chair with a loud scraping sound. Troy had come here to fight and Sidney wasn't in the mood to give in to him. He'd blown off steam in that fight out on the ice and the rest in Meagan's arms into the early hours of the morning. He could fire a shot across Troy's starboard bough though, only in a more satisfying way.

He walked to the foot of the stairwell and held his hand out to Meagan. She put her hand in his, although the look she gave him was a wary one. He took her hand and brought it up to his lips and then, as she put her foot on the floor, he leaned in to kiss her. Not that kind of kiss they would have shared had this been a private moment, but a brief soft affectionate kiss. The kind of kiss lovers share when they're comfortable with one another, a brief public show of affection.

A show, for Troy.

"Now we're going to have breakfast," Sid declared quietly but firmly as he turned and lead Meagan to the table, staring pointedly down at the chair Troy was currently occupying, "You weren't invited, so I suggest you find somewhere else in the city to eat and if you want to speak to me later, you can call me ahead of time."

His father's ruddy face blanched and fury made his eyes wide but for the first time in his life, Sidney didn't feel the churning in his belly or the weakening of his resolve. If he had to choose, he was choosing now.

He watched his father gather himself up and with one last long look at his son, walk towards the door. Sidney listened to it shut and allowed himself a moment to breathe a sigh of relief before turning to look across the table at where Nathalie was still frozen, a precariously balanced pancake halfway from the plate in her hand to Austin's plate, her gaze on him and maternal pride spreading across her face.


	23. Chapter 23

I just want to say hanks again for the feeback. Some of you have really great insight and I thank you very much for your thoughts and warm wishes and just because of all the goodness I stayed up real late tonight and wrote this so I hope that you enjoy it.

C23

"If you didn't want to go to the all star game, all you had to do was say so." The minute the words escaped her lips, Meagan wished she could take them back. He struggled from the car, keeping his leg stiff and at an awkward angle. She reached out to help but he brushed her arm away. Not in a mean way, just in an 'I can do it' impatient sort of way that made Meagan take a step back, wrapping her arms around herself to stop from reaching out to steady him as he took a painful step towards the stairs. His eyes were dark with a mix of pain and frustration and she knew exactly what it cost him to reach out for her hand as he lifted his leg to put his foot down on the first stair.

She knew the anger in his face wasn't directed at her. When he'd left the house it was with the determination that the team was going to win tonight. His pride was on the line. He hadn't said anything to her, but she knew about the comments from a player on the team they'd faced tonight. Everyone knew about them. Every sports show had discussed them and they'd been posted on every hockey blog on the internet. She'd even heard him on the phone with Troy fighting about the best way to handle the criticism, or not, which had been Sid's preference. He wanted to deal with it out on the ice.

Or course, coming home limping had not been part of those plans.

"Fuck! Can anything just go right?!" Meagan stared at the floor, half in the pretence that she was watching his feet, half avoiding his gaze. It's not that she really thought his anger was aimed at her, it was just that even though she knew it wasn't, it still stung. It was just one of those things she was going to have to get used to and she knew it, but knowing it couldn't ease the tightening in her chest as he cursed his way up the stairs. "I'm sorry," he muttered as she nudged the door to their room open, "It's not your fault, I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"It's okay," she shrugged, hating to be lying about something as insignificant as this but it was plain that he wasn't in the mood to talk about feelings. Bending she reached for his shoe and heard him growl. Reluctantly she looked up into his face, watched him clench his jaw and purse his lips. "I said it's okay. I'm here for you, remember?"

"Not to take my shoes off for me," he snarled, making a motion to toe off his shoe and then wincing in pain, hissing through his clenched teeth.

"Just let me," she sighed, reaching for his foot and cradling it carefully in her hands as if it was a glass slipper instead of a hundred dollar Reebok training shoe. She felt his hand on her shoulder as she slipped off his sneaker and put it aside, but she didn't want to look up. She knew he hated relying on anyone for anything. It seemed wrong somehow to be so young and so proud, but at the same time she understood. She knew exactly what it was like to want to be independent and to not trust anyone. She'd just never thought of Sidney in quite that way.

He sank back onto the bed with a groan, his hand still on her shoulder as she reached for his other foot. This time there was no wincing, no hissing as she grabbed both trainers in her hand and moved them across the room to the crowded closet. She took her time putting them away, feeling hesitant to return to him. It was selfish to feel hurt when he was the one in real pain and Meagan knew it but couldn't help feeling it all the same.

It was so different here, she thought as she finally turned to walk back towards the bed where he was lying with his arm tossed over his eyes. It was funny to think she'd gotten used to the way they had been back at the clinic, but she found it hard to share him, hard to play second fiddle to hockey. There were so many things she still didn't know….

"What did the doctors say?" she asked, climbing onto the bed and reaching for the top button of his jeans. He looked out from beneath his forearm, narrowing his eyes at her.

"Don't get me wrong Meg, I love you and all but…I'm not really in the mood." She smiled and shook her head at him, tugging at the waistband and pulling them down over his hips.

"I can't see your knee properly through these," she explained, rolling her eyes at him and then looking down at him impatiently until he raised his hips off the bed so she could pull them the rest of the way down. She was careful not to pull too hard, not to tug and was rewarded for her efforts by his watchful silence. Folding his jeans, Meagan put them at the end of the bed and then turned, pushing her hair behind her ears to hold it back and began exploring his leg with her fingertips.

She could feel his eyes on her but tried to ignore it as she explored the slightly swollen joint. She could tell by his quick intake of breath when she found the tender spot and nodded her head.

"ITB," she sighed, prodding the tender spot carefully.

* * *

"It's fine, the swelling will be down by morning," he grumbled, reaching for the ice pack he'd had on it on the ride home. Driving had hurt, but he'd been able to grit his teeth and bear it but now with her fingers digging at it, he felt his stomach begin to churn. "As long as it's not the acl," he added, trying to sound like he had it under control. She levelled her gaze at him and he knew she didn't believe a word.

"I watched the game," she stated simply. "You were practically crying on the bench," she added quietly as she went back to prodding at his swollen knee.

"I was not," he lied, clenching his teeth as she ran her hand along the back of his knee and down to his ankle, lifting his foot to stretch his leg out, testing his extenstion. He held his breath, trying not to grimace as she bent his knee back towards his chest.

"You're doing it now," she said without even looking up at him, her green eyes trained on his knee as she straightened it again.

"I'm not," he knew his eyes were watering but it had more to do with frustration than anything else. Oh, and he was in pain too.

"Has anyone talked to you about a lateral tubercle from a cadaver?" she asked, setting his leg back down on the quilt and putting the ice pack back on his knee.

"I'm not having surgery," he grumbled, staring at the blue liquid in the ice pack.

"You'll need to, eventually," she mumbled, dropping her chin down on the back of her hand as she pulled her knee up to her chest where she sat on the bed beside him.

"You don't know that." He heard the disparaging tone in his voice too late to take it back and met her pained gaze with what he hoped was an apology in his eyes.

"Actually I do," she said quietly, and he could both see and hear the control in her voice wavering as she fought back tears." I've done hip and knee replacements before."

"Yeah on dogs, I'm a professional athlete honey." He did his best to soften his voice, but he could see by the way her eyes flashed that it hadn't helped.

"Do you think a greyhound isn't? There's a reason they make you learn anatomy on rats and pigs before you operate on humans. It's all sort of the same. Genu varum causes uneven stress and wear on your joints and eventually you'll have knees that look Bobby Orrs and you'll probably need full replacement surgery, or a cane." She dropped her gaze from his and he could see her grinding her teeth as she waited for his reaction.

He knew she was right. He'd heard doctors talking about his bowed legs, his over developed muscles and how young he was to have so much stress on his joints. He knew what the cost was going to be. He'd just hoped to put it off for a while.

"I'm not there yet," he sighed, reaching for her hand and wrapping his fingers around hers'. "I'm sorry, I'm not very good company."

"You're right about that," she smiled bravely though it didn't reach her eyes. "Do you want me to do deep tissue massage? It's supposed to help with ITB."

"If it helps me relax, I'll take anything right now," he sighed, meaning it as he pulled her towards him, bringing the back of her hand up to his lips. "I am sorry Meg. I'm just...pissed off." She nodded but he didn't get the feeling she had really accepted his apology, but he was too tired to get into some big discussion now and something told him that the sadness in her eyes had nothing to do with his injury or his sharp tongue but that would have to be later. He'd give her all the time she needed to talk about it later, he promised himself as he laid back and let her healing hands go to work on his aching leg.

Later, when he was back on his feet.

* * *

"It's a long way down isn't it?" Meagan peered over the edge of the box, down at the crowd and then backed up and slid into one of the ancient box seats in the igloo. She looked over to find Sidney watching her with an indulgent smile on his face. "What? I've never sat this high before."

"I'm sorry, it's just kind of like watching a kid at their first game," he smiled, his dark curls falling onto his forehead as he giggled at her expense. Meagan tried to ignore his bemused expression as she raised the opera glasses Nathalie had handed her and stared down at the bench.

"You're right, that Pronger guy is _huuuuge_," she tried to hand him the binoculars but he waved them away, shaking his head and laughing.

"Why do you think we're not letting him play tonight?" Mario leaned over her shoulder and handed her a glass of wine.

"Wine? At a hockey game? Wow...this really _is_ a whole new experience," Meagan grinned up at Mario who also shook his head at her, sharing Sidney's look of amusement.

"I feel like we brought Austin," he added, patting her on the shoulder, before disappearing back into the suite with the other guests, leaving the 'kids' alone. Meagan leaned forward again to look down at the fans still filing back in from the break after the pre-game warm up. It seemed like everyone in Pittsburgh had a jersey, albeit one of three colours, white, black or blue.

"I'm glad I came now," Sidney brought her attention back to him and she couldn't help returning his warm smile. "Even if I don't watch the game, it's fun watching you."

"Stop it. The last time I went to a game I was all by myself in a strange city I'd never been in watching you." She narrowed her eyes at him and stuck out her tongue. Childish, yes, but satisfying too.

"I seem to remember we were both pretty tired too," he smiled and reached for her hand between the seats. She looked down at where his fingers were brushing hers' and looked up into his caramel coloured eyes. "I know, I know," he rolled his eyes and withdrew his hand, reaching for his water like it was only to keep his hands occupied. They'd agreed to no pda's while at the game. It was for his benefit but Meagan knew it was for hers as well. She remembered well his 'fans' at the game in St. Louis. Puck bunnies could be mean, real mean. "It feels weird not to be able to hold your hand," he sighed, staring down at the ice where a spotlight was focussing on Iceburgh, the Pens oversized mascot.

"I thought you were too injured for touching," she grinned back at him to which he gave a long sarcastic eye roll. She opened her mouth to say more but the arena announcer drowned her out and soon the entire crowd was standing for the national anthem.

* * *

"Is it my fault if you use your deep tissue massage to seduce me?" Sidney whispered as he used the excuse of everyone standing to get close to her, sliding his hand up to the small of her back beneath her blouse. He brushed his fingers over her soft skin, tracing the raised pattern of her tattoo with the tips of his fingers. He felt her shiver and felt the answering rush of heat in his loins. He _did _want to be here to support his teammates but he also wanted to be at home with this woman in his bed.

"Watch yourself Crosby," she whispered back, "I can do things to you that people will pay a buck ninety-nine a minute to watch on the internet."

"Don't remind me," he groaned, letting his hand fall to cup her ass, giving it a firm pat that made her jump even though she was trying her best not to react. He leaned in and inhaled the apple scent of her hair and wished he could kiss the curve of her neck to taste the vanilla on her skin. "We could go back to the house, I've shown my face," he whispered as the crowd noise reminded him of where he was and that there were probably people watching them right now.

"You're _supposed_ to be crippled," she reminded him with a playful smile that heated his blood.

"You like being on top," he whispered leaning over as the slid back into their seats, enjoying watching her cheeks turn pink. "I don't have to do anything but sit back and watch."

"Yeah right," she took a swift sip of her wine which he thoughts was more to hide her mortification, which was almost too adorable to ignore. He could tell the puck was about to drop but he couldn't take his eyes off of her. Mario was right. He would have been sulking if they had come alone but he still wasn't sure this had been a good idea. She was one hell of a distraction in those jeans and heels. "You must be feeling better," she pointed out, her green eyes meeting his over the rim of her wine glass. He glanced back down at the ice and felt a wave of guilt wash over him.

He should be down there. He should be out on that ice with his teammates but the way things were going, he didn't actually feel that bad. They hadn't had that much time to spend together lately and he knew he'd been in a mood. It was good to see her smile.

"Do you want to talk?" he asked, reaching over to quickly run his fingers over her arm. She dropped her gaze from his and shrugged, her smile disappearing. She shrugged. "I know I've been in a mood...," he began but the sharp look she gave him made his voice drop away.

"It's fine, things are fine," she lied, swirling the wine in her glass before putting it aside and beginning to pick at the edge of the seat.

"Meg," he reached over for her hand but she withdrew it quickly, glancing around, guilt written all over her face. "Babe," he sighed, reaching up to brush a curl away from her cheek despite the warning look she was shooting him. She pursed her lips and stared out at the ice but he could tell she wasn't following the action. Her green eyes blazed straight ahead.

"I want to work," she said after a while, her fingers tapping absentmindedly against her knee.

"You don't need to," he reminded her. It was a discussion they'd had before, though it was a pointless argument as her papers were still lost in the red tape government mess somewhere.

"I _want _to," she sighed, turning her emerald eyes on him. He could see the earnestness in her eyes. "Working on your knee," she continued, "I miss doing things...I feel...useless. I mean, all Nathalie ever talks about is the wedding and all you ever talk about is hockey...," she shrugged and then turned her attention back to the action on the ice.

"Okay," he nodded, though he wanted to say he wanted her at home, wanted her waiting for him, but he didn't.

"Okay?" Her face transformed like a beacon in the fog. Her eyes lit up and her grin made him feel like he'd just drunk heart chocolate on a cold day.

"We should go talk to Mario, see what he can do about your green card." It was something he should have done, had intended to do but had been too selfish to actually go through with. She raised her arms like she was going to hug him and he wanted her to but he shook his head diminutively. Sometimes he hated being Sidney Crosby.

* * *

"Sid?" Meagan turned to see Mario standing by the giant plasma screen mounted on the wall with concern written all over his face. Sid pushed himself to his feet and with a shrug in Meagan's direction turned to join the guests. Sighing, Meagan turned her attention back to the game. It had been only a matter of time until her boyfriend had to go back to being Sidney Crosby- All Star.

"I think you should see this too Meagan," Nathalie leaned over the empty seat beside her and Meagan could see the worry in the older woman's eyes.

"Is something wrong? Austin's okay?" she asked, assuming automatically that whatever could put that look in the older woman's eyes had to be about her children. Nathalie tried to force a smile but it looked forced and fled as soon as it arrived. Meagan pushed herself out of her seat and joined the group around the TV.

"Shit," someone said and Meagan realized it was her as she saw her own image flashed across the screen, Sidney leaning close, the boyish grin on his face transformed into something intimate as he leaned close to her during the Star Spangled Banner.

"They're only speculating," Mario offered his young ward but Sidney's face was serious. No, not serious. Angry. Murderously angry.

"This is _my_ life," Sidney growled as he stared daggers at the commentators on the television as they wondered who the woman was sitting the Sidney and the Lemieux's in the suite.

"I should go," she whispered, her heart hammering against her ribs as they re-played the clip. She squirmed as she watched herself on screen. Tyra Banks was right. TV does add ten pounds.

She looked ridiculous next to him. Old. Unfashionable. How could he want to be with her? How could he want to be seen with her in public? As if that wasn't bad enough, she could imagine all the puck bunnies tearing her apart on those websites where they speculated about and ripped the WAGS to pieces.

"No," he grabbed her hand and they both stared down at his hand covering hers'. "No. We don't run. I gave you that ring. I'm not going to hide you away like I'm ashamed of having a relationship." It was a sweet thing to say, a romantic gesture that she was sure Taylor would have been proud of her older brother for, but it didn't make Meagan feel any better.

"What about me? What if I don't want to be Sidney Crosby's girlfriend on the cover of Hello magazine and in the Ottawa Sun and the Globe and...." The warmth in Sidney's smile made her pause, mid sentence.

"Do you see?" he asked turning to Mario who nodded and smiled.

"I do, but then we never did think she was a gold digger," Mario smiled putting one hand on his young protégé's shoulder and the other on hers'. "If she's not ready, she's not ready."

"I think it's kind of late for that," Sidney sighed glancing up at the screen but they were now showing the action as it progressed on the ice. Maybe because the entire box had emptied out and the cameras couldn't see into the box itself where they now stood.

"She's an old school friend, if anyone asks," Nathalie offered from where she stood watching the screen with the kind of disappointment only a mother can muster.

"When they follow us home and realize she's living with us? When they get a picture of that rock on your hand?" he added, reaching out to take Meagan's hand in his. She tried to withhold it but he was too fast. He ran the pad of his thumb over the sparkling diamond.

"I could take it off," she offered but he shook his head, adamant.

"Never." His gaze was intensely earnest as it held hers' and Meagan knew in that moment that if she argued he would take it as a sign that she didn't love him and despite everything she knew that would be the biggest lie of all. "Promise me," he begged, his hazel eyes searching hers'.

"Never," she repeated as he led her forward, back out towards the seats where he dropped his lips over hers and kissed her for the whole world to see.


	24. Chapter 24

_Thanks again for all the support. I had fun writing this chapter so I hope you enjoy it too_

"You had the string of spit and the whole thing. It was actually pretty gross," Trinity cackled on the other end of the line, which didn't have the uplifting effect on her spirits that Meagan had hoped for.

"I can't believe they showed it on the _news_," Meagan sighed, rubbing at the spot on her forehead which seemed to have developed its' own heartbeat since the night before.

"Get used to it babes. You may as well be dating Prince William with all the press you're going to get," Trin continued to rub it in, which was not really why Meagan had called her this morning. She got up and paced across the room, peeking out the window to see the throng of reporters still camped out at the front gate to the Lemieux's drive way and quickly pulled the shade back in place.

"I looked ridiculous didn't I?" Meagan asked, walking over to the desk in the corner of the room, lifting several pairs of Sidney's folded jeans from the chair and moving them to the bed before dropping in front of her lap top. She brought the page up again that she'd been looking at, one of the blogs that she liked to frequent for news on the team, the Pensblog, and stared at the picture that seemed to be on every hockey site today; Sidney with her hand in his, his other hand cradling the back of her head, his lips covering hers'. Trinity was right; it looked like something off of one of those celeb gossip sites and it made her cringe.

"Actually sweetness, I was going to say, as soon as I get rid of this baby weight, I am _so_ borrowing those jeans. Your ass looked amazing." That was the kind of boost Meagan had been hoping for when she dialled her friend's number this morning. She smiled as she dragged the mouse down to the comments beneath.

"How do you do it Trin? How do you put up with these...puck bunnies?" she sighed as she surfed to another site where death threats against her person seemed to be the theme of the day.

"I don't really, thank god. The puck bunnies here are afraid of me." Trinity sighed on her end of the phone and Meagan could hear the new twins crying in the background. "All I have to worry about lately is Jaks bringing home rabies." Meagan smiled as she imagined the disparaging look that Trin's husband would be shooting her right about now. "I wish I had advice to give you babes but the best I can say is that your boy there should know what he's doing with the press by now. I honestly think the best thing you can do is listen to him and that dorm father of his." Meagan nodded to herself. It seemed like sage advice and yet she wasn't soothed by the idea.

"I really don't think I'm ready for this," she sighed and heard Trin's answering sigh on the other end of the line.

"How could you be? Was Lady Di ready? I don't think there's a course for marrying into royalty dear one," Trin mused thoughtfully and Meagan could imagine her sitting with her feet up watching her husband bouncing their two beautiful babies on his knees.

"Have you two stopped arguing about the names yet?" Meagan asked, changing the subject in hopes that her friend would distract her from the swirl of thoughts in her head.

"Yes, thank god. He's finally seen the light and agreed that maybe Sebastian isn't such an awful name after all." Meagan could hear the triumphant grin in her friend's voice and chuckled, shaking her head. The poor kid was going to get beat up for sure.

"Sure, Sebastian Karlsson played for Sweden or something didn't he?" Meagan wasn't as clear on her hockey history as Trin was but she was sure she'd seen a few hockey players named Sebastian but she could also fully understand Jarkko's disapproval of the name.

"Sebastian Stefaniszin plays for the Ducks," Trin continued and Meagan was sure she was still making a point to her husband. "Then there's JSG and...." Meagan heard something that sounded like a squawk from one of the babies and Trinity's voice trailed off. "Oh sorry hon, I've got to go, Hanna wants her mommy. But babes, seriously, you love him right? I mean...you're not just there because he's really hot and loaded right?"

"As if," Meagan laughed, shaking her head at her friend's bluntness.

"Well then...whatever right? Who cares what people think? Right?"

"Yeah, sure. Kiss the babies and that trouble maker of yours'." She heard a rustle and then Trinity was gone. No goodbye, just a dial tone. Meagan chuckled, shook her head and hung up the phone. She peeked out the window to see the group of photographers still there, still milling around the gate, and sighed.

* * *

"You don't need to worry about them." She turned, her eyes wide, like she'd been caught with her hand in the cookie jar or something. He pushed himself off from where he had been leaning in the doorway to their room and tugged the knit cap off his head that had been protecting his wet hair from the cold winter air.

"Good practice?" she asked hopefully, batting her long eyelashes as she glanced down at his legs to see how he was walking, probably to see if he was favouring on leg over the other.

"Yeah, I'll play," he replied matter-of-factly, crossing the room to confirm that she'd been watching the reporters at the gate and then tugging the blinds closed. "It's nothing to worry about," he reiterated as he took her hand and brushed his lips across her knuckles. Looking up into her eyes it was clear that she didn't believe him. He squeezed her hand, maybe a little too hard, and led her towards the bed, sitting down and pulling her down onto his lap. "They're not going to hurt you or anything, if that's what you're worried about." She looked into his eyes for a long time and he could see the wheels turning in her brain. She was worried. It was plain in the dark circles under her eyes, along with the fact that she'd been standing at that same window when he'd left for practice. Clearly telling her not to worry wasn't working. "Nathalie said you didn't come down for breakfast," he tried changing tact, hoping to take her mind off the journalists hanging around the front gate. He'd driven through them, in no mood to discuss his private life at seven in the morning but he knew after last night, he would have to and sooner rather than later. "You can't lock yourself away." He squeezed her gently, trying to keep his tone light and cheerful, but she only shrugged.

"I didn't ask for this," she said quietly, her green gaze drifting toward the window. "I mean...I'm not anyone. You've been doing this since you were little but...I'm just..._me_, I'm no one special," she whispered, as if somehow she thought they might be listening in but definitely like she was spooked. It was his fault. She'd told him she wasn't ready for this and he'd gone ahead and forced the issue, dragging her into the limelight with him

"You _are_ someone special," he insisted, reaching up to press his hand to her cheek, turning her attention back to him. He let his love for her and his determination to make this work show as he searched her panicky gaze "You're _my_ someone special Meg. You're the woman I love. Don't ever say that you aren't special. You're a _great_ vet and a good person and you mean the world to me."

"But I'm not a model or an actress...," she began, dropping her gaze from his as her eyes filled with tears.

"So?" he sighed, and nudged her chin higher, forcing her to meet his gaze. "You don't have any idea how beautiful you are, do you?" She was biting the inside of her cheek as she shook her head and it made his stomach hurt to know he was, at least partly, the cause of the misery in her eyes. "I think I've been in love with you since the first time I saw you," he began again, watching her cheeks turn a warm shade of pink.

"I had straw sticking out everywhere, I wasn't even wearing any make up," she wrinkled her nose at him and he felt his heart skip a beat, just as it had the first time he'd looked into those green eyes.

"You stole my heart Meagan Rafferty," he explained simply, brushing away the tear that escaped her eye and ran down her cheek. "So it doesn't matter what some puck fuck says on the internet or some talking head on some sports show says and it doesn't matter that you're older than me or that you're _just_ a vet," he teased, digging his fingers into her ribs until she squealed and tried to wriggle out of his arms. "None of it matters because you're the one for me, okay?"

* * *

She found herself looking down into those serious hazel eyes and Meagan didn't think she'd ever felt quite the way she did in that moment. If she'd ever doubted that he loved her, she never would again she vowed as she lowered her lips over his and wrapped her arms around his neck.

Of course it was natural to feel inferior next to Sidney Crosby and she wasn't sure she would ever feel good enough to deserve him, but she would never doubt again that he wanted her. Her entire body tingled in the aftermath of the sincerity in his voice and his eyes. She vowed silently to forget about her own feelings of inadequacy and concentrate on the positive. Her heart felt whole. For that, she decided that she could forgive and forget quite a lot.

He pulled her down onto the bed beside him and she felt an entirely different sort of a tingle as his caramel coloured eyes gazed into hers'. She offered him her mouth and he took it, softly and leisurely as he drew her body against his.

She felt his hip vibrate and giggled as he cursed against her lips.

"Ignore it," he growled as she tried to tug herself free of his grasp. Shaking her head she reached for the phone at his belt and flipped it open.

"Daddy dearest," she hissed, handing it to him with grimace.

"Like I said, ignore it." He snapped the phone shut and tossed it to the foot of the bed. They both watched it slide over the edge and disappear with a muffled thud as it hit the floor. "He just wants to lecture me again. Like I'm some kind of boy band and showing the whole world that I'm straight and have a life is something so terrible all of a sudden everyone's going to stop buying Crosby jerseys," he grumbled, reaching for her again, but she squirmed out of his arms, staring at him with mock horror.

"That you're straight? Is that what all this is about? Am I some kind of cover for you and MAF?" she tried her best to sound outraged but couldn't stop herself from giggling as he grabbed at her pyjama bottoms and dragged her beneath him, trapping her with the weight and solidity of his body.

"Oh yeah, that's _exactly_ what this is all about. Now teach me again what I'm missing by playing for the other team?" he raised his eyebrows as he slid his hand between them, finding the spot that made her arch her back and let out a muffled sigh.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she reached for his lips and was rewarded with the press of his soft succulent lips over hers' in a long soul stirring kiss that left them both breathless and made them forget all about the phone vibrating across the floor and the paparazzi waiting vigilantly outside.

* * *

"I have good news," he whispered as she reached back to snake her arm around his neck, her eyes closing as the steam and bubbles rose up around them. He'd never been one for baths. He'd never really had the time. Ever since she'd seen the big round Jacuzzi tub, Meagan had insisted on sharing one at _least_ once a week. He'd complained a bit the first time. He never did now. It was a concession to living together he was happy to make.

"Your father had his tongue removed?" she asked sleepily, her lips curling up into a contented smile as she wriggled her toes against the end of the tub. He grinned at the idea, letting himself enjoy the image in his mind for a moment or two, and then let it go.

"Nathalie spoke to someone she knows at Children's Hospital who does that program where they bring the dogs into the hospital?"

"Therapy dogs?" she mumbled as her other hand curved around his knee, prodding it gently but firmly, looking for looseness, waiting for him to hiss or cry out. He didn't need to. Firstly because of the nearly scalding water that was soothing every one of his aching muscles and secondarily because he had years of practice in ignoring pain and lying to team doctors.

"Yeah she does the training apparently. They get dogs from the local SPCA that have been rehabilitated. She said that they would love for you to volunteer there, while you're waiting for your work visa." He was careful to add the last although he secretly hoped it would be enough. She could volunteer a few hours and still be waiting for him. He'd witnessed the hours she put in at the Clinic back in Nova Scotia and he didn't want her away from him for those types of hours. Maybe later, after his playing days were over and he could be the one sitting around the house waiting for _her_ to come home. He felt the water surge and heard it splash over the side of the tub and reached for a towel to toss down as she turned to face him, throwing her arms around his neck enthusiastically.

"Thank you," she whispered, pressing her lips to his temple and cheek.

"I wish I could take the credit," he chuckled, looking up into her shining emerald eyes. "You can show your appreciation though, if you want," he added with a encouraging smile She looked so eminently kissable when she was happy like this and suddenly it was so easy to forget all about his aches and pains and worries.

"I don't know that you're up to _that_ Mr. Crosby," she purred, easing herself down over him, her thighs locking around his as she lowered her lips until he could taste the wine they'd been drinking on her breath. "I don't want that nasty little troll Bettman blaming me if you can't play at the All Star Game," she added before nipping at his bottom lip and grinding against his growing erection.

"I'll take all the blame, I promise" he groaned, pushing up against her, this time ignoring the water sloshing over the sides and onto the floor. They could clean it up, later.

"I don't know that I can let you do that," she whispered as she ran her fingertips down his chest, her gaze holding his even as they plunged under the water and slid around him, as if he needed guidance in to the slick heat inside of her. "You do know that vets take that oath to do no harm too," she reminded him as she eased herself slowly over him, too slowly. Grabbing her hips impatiently in his hands he forced her down, pushing himself up into her at the same time, lowering his mouth over the pink bud of her nipple at the same time, wanting to tease her the way she was teasing him. He felt her fingers lace through his hair, heard her moan his name and bit down gently.

"I'm feeling much better now doctor," he hissed, dragging his tongue over her nipple, feeling it harden as he nipped at it again.

"You won't get better if you don't rest," she hissed, arching her back, offering her breasts to his mouth, his tongue and his teeth.

"I _am_ resting," he insisted, catching one of her nipples between his lips and suckling on it until she gasped out loud and the muscles inside of her grasped at his cock harder than before. "I'm soaking it right now, totally off of it," he added with a grin up at her. Her eyes shone as she gazed down at him, love shining out of her eyes as she bit her bottom lip adorably.

"You're a bad, bad boy," she whispered, her eyes fluttering closed as he leaned forward, catching her breast with his teeth and sinking them into the pale fleshy globe.

"You make me do bad things," he sighed, thrusting upwards until she gasped again and then that's all he wanted to do, make her gasp, cry out and if that meant emptying the tub onto the slate tile floor, well then he'd worry about that later.

* * *

"Marry me," he whispered, twining her hair around his finger as she laid her cheek on the smooth plane of his chest. Smiling to herself, Meagan ran her index finger down his breast bone and watched as goose bumps raced across his skin.

"I've already said yes, what...twice? How many times are you going to ask me?" She closed her eyes, letting the gentle rise and fall of his chest and the warmth of his skin still heated from the bath lull her to sleep. It was late and she was tired although she felt she had no right to be. It wasn't like she'd done more than pick out plates and china patterns and even that she had no more than a fuzzy recollection of. Mostly she'd worried about him, but that in and of itself was tiring.

"But I mean _this_ weekend," he rolled her onto her side so that they were facing each other and she could see the light in his eyes as he grinned at her. She felt her forehead furrow as she searched his face, waiting for him to say he was kidding but as long she waited he just kept looking back at her expectantly.

"This weekend? You're at the All Stars this weekend." She counted silently in her head as she waited for him to clarify. There seemed to be so many games, it was hard to keep all the dates straight.

"You know how great it is that you're not giving me a hard time about spending my time off doing that?" She narrowed her eyes as she looked up at him, trying to see if he was being sarcastic but he just looked back at her with his boyish smile. She imagined it was true that most of the WAGs might prefer to be on their way to some warm and tropical destination but Meagan was beginning to come to terms with the fact that she shared him with a lot more than just his family and the Lemieux's. "I know and there's lots to do," he continued, turning his gaze up to the canopy over their bed, "but it's Carnival the next weekend and places will already be all decorated and lots of guys I know will be home for it and it might be fun, you know, like Vegas but...winter and with Bon Homme instead of Elvis." Meagan continued to narrow her eyes at him but as much as she was certain he was, at the very least, going to admit it was some kind of wine induced hallucination, his grin never wavered.

"You're serious aren't you?" she shook her head, closing her eyes as she tried to get her head around the idea.

"C'mon Meg, you're not _really_ into this whole idea of the big wedding anyway right? I mean, you _hate_ the whole planning thing, I can tell, and I know you're mostly going along with it for my sake...."

"Nathalie's really," she corrected him with a sigh. "I love you but if it was _just_ you I'd have told you to fuck off when the idea of inviting half the management of Reebok came up."

"Exactly," he grinned enthusiastically at her. "I don't like this whole idea of sharing our special day with all these people either _so_, let's get married now and avoid all of that shit." She waited for him to blink but he didn't. He was serious and as much as she knew that Nathalie was enjoying bonding with her over all this wedding planning, Meagan had to admit that the idea of eloping made her feel more than just a little relieved. Still....

"Lauren and Stephanie are really looking forward to being bridesmaids," she sighed, wincing just a little at the thought of the flouncy black and gold designs that Nathalie had come up with.

"But Taylor's not," Sidney offered and both of them shared a secretive smile at the memory of Taylor's less than impressed reaction to the entire concept of carrying flowers, wearing a dress and putting on make up. Meagan closed her eyes and let out a defeated sigh, shaking her head. It was a tantalizing idea, but....

"There's no way we could organize everything in this short an amount of time." She opened her eyes to see a mischievous look in her lover's eyes that she rarely got to see light his hazel gaze.

"Don't be mad," he began, chewing anxiously on his bottom lip as his gaze searched hers, "but the banns are already being read and a couple friends of mine have already booked their restaurant for us."


	25. Chapter 25

C25

She watched his hands hesitate above the suitcase as he took the last of his shirts from her hands as she folded them for him. There were many things Sidney was very good at, taking care of his personal possessions, especially his clothes, was not one of them. He stared at the shirt in his hands and then down at the half full suitcase and she could see the hesitation in the tension along the line of his jaw and his stillness. She waited for him to say something, to express what was on his mind but even when she tried to hand him the next bundle, he just stood there, staring into space.

"Penny for them?" she asked quietly, putting her own bundle into his suitcase and gently prying the pressed and folded dress shirt out of his hands and putting it with the others. He looked up, his gaze still unfocussed, but she could clearly see the anger stirring in the golden orbs as they turned to hold her in his gaze.

"I don't want to go," he hissed through clenched teeth.

"To the All Star game or...," her voice trailed off. She found herself unwilling to ask if he meant the wedding. The last few hours had been so tumultuous that she wasn't sure if he even remembered that he'd planned a wedding. She scolded herself for even doubting him as the anger in his eyes flared as he focussed on her.

"The _game_," he growled and the muscles in his cheek jumped as he ground his teeth together. She nodded, reminding herself that she hadn't been the one giving ultimatums in the past few hours and that she had no right to be adding to his stress.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, turning away and reaching for her own pile, an assortment of frilly under-things that Trin had insisted she buy, stashing them quickly in the bottom of a pile of jeans and shoving them into his case. "I just...what with everything...I mean I'd understand if....

She felt his arms wrap around her waist, his chin digging into the curve of her shoulder as he wrapped himself around her. He made a sound, deep in his chest, the sound an animal makes when it's in pain but doesn't want you to hear. It made Meagan feel guilty and angry at that little weasel of a Commissioner all over again.

"_I'm_ sorry," he sighed, pressing his lips through her hair. She felt the rise and fall of the width of his chest against her back, felt his forehead tip against the back of her head, heard him struggling to keep his emotions in check. "None of this is your fault. I don't mean to take it out on you."

"It's okay," she patted her hands against his where they lay across her stomach and closed her eyes, enjoying the nearness of him despite the heaviness of the emotions swirling in the air around them.

"It's _not_ okay," he mumbled and she could picture that muscle at the corner of his jaw twitching as he clenched his teeth once again.

"You were planning on being there anyway," she reminded him gently, leaning her head back against his shoulder when he returned his chin to her shoulder. "I mean it was incredibly generous of Mario and Shero to offer you the time off but...I mean you _were_ planning on being there anyway." He sighed heavily, his chin sinking deeper into her shoulder before he let go of her and sat down heavily on the bed, making the mattress sink beneath him and sending their bags swaying precariously towards the floor. She righted them quickly, with his help, shoving them towards the centre of the bed.

He looked up at her, the anger in his eyes ebbing as smiled down at him. She knew he'd been of two minds about the idea of missing out on yet another All Star game and she'd promised herself not to get upset if he changed his mind. It was better this way, she told herself as she allowed him to pull her down onto his lap. It was better that it wasn't his choice.

Still, she thought wickedly as he offered his lips up to hers', she would kick Bettman in the shins the first opportunity she got.

"The fans did vote me in," he whispered against her mouth. She nodded, wrapping her arms around his thick neck, sliding just off of his lap so her legs lay across it but didn't put weight on his irritated knee.

"The players union won't stand for this kind of treatment, not even of you," she whispered back. He rewarded her with a conspiratorial grin and kissed her softly.

"One day I won't have all these people telling me what to do, I promise," he added, his gaze searching hers' as if he were actually worried that she thought less of him for giving into blackmail. She pressed her lips over his and then smiled as she peeled herself away from him.

"One day soon," she grinned, holding out her hand to help him up. He took it, bending over it to brush his full lips over the back of her hand, paying special attention to the big rock on her ring finger, his gaze meeting hers'.

"They have no idea how scared they should be," he smiled, his boyish grin growing when she only shrugged in reply. After all, he was right. When she was Mrs. Sidney Crosby, he'd have responsibilities even the Commissioner of the League couldn't ignore, or if he did, it would be at his peril.

* * *

"This will only take a few minutes, I promise," Sidney grumbled, leaning close to her but careful to keep his hands on his water bottle and not to look over at her. Meagan fiddled with her id tag and tried to look like she'd seen a press conference before. The lights all seemed so bright and she felt her eyes close involuntarily as the cameras flashed in their direction, none of which seemed to faze Sidney in the least as he headed towards the podium.

He stopped at the edge of the crowd and she knew that he was going to turn, unthinking, to give her a peck on the cheek. She faded back a step or two and then turned her back and headed for the wall, the edge of the pack, hoping to go unnoticed. They had a plan, a story, and even if it looked familial, a kiss on the cheek would go a long way to ruining those plans.

As soon as he was standing at the podium all eyes were on him, flashbulbs popping and cameras whirring. Meagan leaned against the wall and watched him, wishing he'd let her play with his hair before they'd left the hotel. She hated all that greasy kid stuff he insisted on slopping onto his head. She liked it better when he went without, or even if he'd let her put it in, there would be less of it, she thought, and it wouldn't look so...stiff. She had moved on to silently critiquing the fit of his suit when the photographer beside her nudged her elbow.

"Friend of Sidney's?" he asked under his breath, glancing from her to the podium and back.

"Friend of the family," Meagan replied quickly, tugging her left hand up into the sleeve of her dark cashmere sweater and then sliding her hand behind her back. She'd argued that wearing two carats on her finger didn't really go along with the back story they'd created but Sidney had insisted she not take it off. The best she could do was to hide it. She hoped he'd go back to watching Sidney struggle not to say that Gary Bettman was an ass, but instead, when she looked back up, the photographer was still studying her with narrowed eyes.

"No....you're that girl aren't you? The one at the game," he grinned, showing a row of yellowed teeth as he practically rubbed his hands together in glee. Meagan didn't answer him, just stared back at him blankly while she tried desperately to remember where the nearest exit was. So much for Sidney's assurance that Sports reporters weren't interested in the private lives of athletes. This guy wouldn't stop staring at her, and Meagan was beginning to develop a definite case of the creeps. "I don't suppose you'd be interested in an exclusive?" Meagan made herself look back at him, trying not shudder as he leered at her with those yellow teeth, his tobacco stained fingers drumming on his camera.

"If you're looking for an exclusive, a few of the Pens will be heading up to Crashed Ice this afternoon." She felt bad tossing the boys under the bus but given the choice it was them or her and Meagan was sure she didn't want any more attention than she was already getting. As it was a few of the other photographers were beginning to turn her direction. "I'm sure a pic of Jordy and Max heading down that slope would definitely be worth your time." She watched him consider it and breathed a huge sigh of relief when he nodded and let his camera drop back down to his side.

"You won't be able to get away with that much longer," a voice drawled at her side and Meagan turned to see Taylor leaning against the wall beside her. Relief at having a friendly face coursed through her veins and it was all she could do to stop from wrapping her arms around the younger Crosby.

"You guys seem to manage okay," Meagan smiled warmly at his younger sister, marvelling at how she'd grown in just the short time they'd been apart.

"We're just family not _the girlfriend_," Taylor whispered, wrapping rabbits' ears around the word and rolling her eyes. "I bet someone asks mom about you every time we go outside,' she added with a sigh and a drooping of her shoulders.

"Sorry about that," Meagan shrugged an apology but Sidney's younger sibling just shook her head and grinned.

"Makes a change from being asked about him," she shot her older brother a disparaging glance as the press conference wrapped up. "C'mon, I'm supposed to take you back to the hotel."

"But...?" Meagan glanced helplessly towards Sidney who was suddenly disappearing into a sea of bobbing heads that was heading in the opposite direction.

"Stag night," Taylor sighed grabbing at Meagan's sleeve. "You didn't _actually_ think you were invited did you?"

* * *

"You can't _actually_ do it you idiot," Sidney grabbed onto the back of the team Canada jersey in front of him and yanked but for all his work outs, Max had dug his feet into the snow and was charging towards the entry point. "Someone tell him," he begged looking around at the other faces of his friends and colleagues, but most of them were already cheering Max on, like he was really going to go through with it.

"Get the pole out of your ass Creature," a familiar and face appeared out of the crowd and Sidney found himself grateful to see the older and he hoped, now wiser and calmer Jarkko Ruutu appear, the raucous crowd parting like water in front of him. "Unless you want to go down head first," he added with the famous Ruutu grin spreading across his face, "after all, it's your Stag party, you should go first."

"I'm already injured and so is he," Sidney cried as the hem of Max's shirt slipped through his fingers, and with a cry of triumph he and Jordy scaled the metal barricade with ease. Sidney watched them go, their skates slung over their shoulders, and felt his heart sink. If this got back to Mario or worse Therrien....

"Relax mon ami," Fleur's voice, soft and somehow soothing to Sidney's ears, broke through the panic and let him let go of being a captain, if only for a little while.

"Yeah, haven't you got enough to worry about? Getting married huh? Kind of a big step don't you think?" Ruuts was giving him that look, the one that said he knew better or should know better. Sidney thought to himself that it was a look and a feeling that he should be used to by now. It was one of the down sides of being one of the youngest captains in the league. The older guys always knew more than he did. Usually he'd welcome their input, but not about this.

"I thought you said you loved being married? That _was_ you always telling us about how great it is, right?" Sid asked, sarcasm dripping from his every word as he turned back to see if Max or Jordy had made it to the starting line. If they actually made the crazy break neck descent and managed not to get hurt it would pretty much be a miracle.

"It is, I'm one lucky fucker," Jarkko grinned again, wrapping his arms around Sid and Fleur's shoulders as he pushed them through the crowd to the edge of the barricades so they could get a better view of the course. "But then I've had my fair share of crazy bitches and other relationships I can compare Trinnie to, so I know that I have something good. You on the other hand," he patted Sid on the back hard enough to force a cough from his lungs, "you don't know shit about shit because you're barely out of diapers."

Sid ground his teeth together as he tried to stop himself from starting an argument. After all, despite having to 'take part' in the all star 'festivities, this _was_ supposed to be his time to relax and hang out with his friends. He vowed not to let his disappointment show, after all, he was supposed to be grateful to him for helping he and Meagan get back together. Besides, he told himself, as he stuffed his hands deeper into the pockets of his pea coat and turned his attention to the starting line from which Jordy and Max were busy waving to the crowd, he was going to marry Meagan come hell or high water, and no one was going to stop them.

* * *

"Get away from me with the lollipops," Meagan backed away from Trinity as she came at her with a hot glue gun and an ice cream pail overflowing with dime store lollipops of every colour.

"Oh c'mon, all these millionaire hockey players and you're going to refuse a buck a suck? Dude I'm planning on making my mortgage payment with these," Trinity swung the bucket near her but Meagan continued to back up, looking for something either sharp or heavy to use as a weapon if Trin got any closer.

"Where are your babies? What kind of mother leaves her newborns?" Trinity only laughed and picked up one of the suckers and aimed the glue gun at the cellophane wrapper.

"The grannies are more than happy to look after the little ones and I attached myself to a breast pump for like two hours to be here so you'd better get over here and let me glue these to you or there's going to be trouble lady," Trinity levelled the hot glue gun at her and narrowed her eyes in threat. Meagan tried not to laugh but continued to back away.

"I'm not doing it, it's undignified," she claimed, reaching behind her, feeling with her fingertips for obstacles and felt her wrists clamped together by a pair of cold hands. She let out a scream and tugged against the hands that held her fast but had no luck in freeing herself. Glancing over her shoulder she was surprised to see her friend Tess was the one holding her hostage.

"Undignified? _This_ coming from the woman who, more often than not, slept on the floor of a dog kennel? You're worried about dignity all of a sudden?"

"It _wasn't_ a dog kennel. It was the clinic floor and when the hell did you two get here?"

"She called," Tess pointed to where Taylor was calmly filing her nails perched on the end of the bed. She barely looked up at the mention of her name, the smallest of smiles tugging at the corners of the lips that while they were not as full as her brothers' they were quickly threatening to become just as succulent and alluring. Meagan secretly hoped that Taylor's burgeoning good looks would give Troy something else to worry about aside from his son's on ice struggles.

"So you're to blame for this are you?" Meagan turned to Taylor who only raised a single eyebrow and went back to filing her nails. Where had the girl gone who only had time for horses and hockey tape? "She can't even come," Meagan pointed out hopefully but Tess and Trin were already shaking their heads and sharing a conspiratorial smile.

"She'll pass, there'll be enough of us," Trin began but just as Meagan narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth to ask how, Veronique appeared out of bathroom, followed by a knock on the door. "Oh c'mon, do you know how many of us are sick of watching the boys have all the fun during these things?"

* * *

"I can't believe you invited my dad along," Sidney grumbled under his breath as he was dragged, his heels dragging along the pavement, into yet another strip bar. Not that he had never been to one, but he was beginning to wonder how many of them there were in Montreal. Max cackled and shook his head as he shared a sympathetic smile with him.

"I think he invited himself mon ami, je suis desole." While he appeared to have at least some sympathy for having his father along on his stag night it didn't appear that Max was going to let him out of having to bear witness to yet another embarrassing hour of his friends and teammates hooting and hollering at scantily clad or at least mostly naked women. Max shoved and tugged and when that didn't move him any faster, he whistled for Jordy and Geno and Sidney found his feet kicking at nothing more than air as he was man handled through the door.

Normally Sidney wouldn't mind watching some girls get naked, after all, he was just as much of a red blooded male as any of his teammates but tonight all he wanted was his bed, even if it was in a hotel room, and the arms of his fiancée. He had been forced to agree that all in all the strippers in Canada were prettier than the ones in the States, apart from Vegas, but that didn't mean they held a candle to Meagan. He had already found himself groaning aloud that he had better waiting for him back at the hotel at the last bar. He wasn't anticipating the next bunch to be any better and he was still just generally annoyed at having to still be here when he could have been spending time with his family.

Not that spending this time with dear old dad wasn't just peachy.

"A lap dance for my son," Troy crowed, holding two fifties over his son's head as they dragged him towards a booth as near to gynaecology row as Sidney would go.

"No dad," Sidney grumbled, trying to brush the bills away even as one of the dancers swayed seductively in their direction. "No lap dances," he reiterated, staring daggers at Troy and not for the first time that night.

"Je ne peux pas donner une danse s'il ne veut pas," the girl said quietly, a bemused smile on her face as she surveyed the boys, her blue eyes lighting on Sidney, recognition flickering in her calculating gaze.

"I'm his father, I'll decide what's good for him," Troy bellowed, shoving the bills in her direction. She gave him a diminutive shrug and turned an apologetic eye toward Sidney.

She was blonde, which was not usually his preference. She was also on the skinny side, her ribs obvious as she straddled him, her pale arms reaching for the clasp of the sequined bra.

"Don't," Sidney didn't want to cringe, though he felt like it. After all, it wasn't her fault that his father thought she might be tempting. She wasn't exactly his dream girl. His dream girl was waiting back at the hotel for him. Or at least he hoped she was. The girl glanced back at Troy and Sidney tried very hard to ignore that his father was encouraging her to get naked and roll around on him. It was a ploy, but it wasn't going to work.

He just hoped that Meagan was as determined as he was to get married after the game tomorrow.

* * *

"Back for more." The all American boy with the all American smile held up a single greenback as he leered at Meagan, stepping into her personal space, overwhelming her with the smell of sweat and expensive cologne.

"Haven't your boys run out of singles yet?" she asked with a sigh, closing her eyes and clenching her jaw as he bent to yank one of the last suckers from her t-shirt with his straight white chompers.

"When we do, I'll just go to the bank machine," he grinned at her, leaning in far enough that Meagan had to back away. He reeked of booze and his perfect smile scared her.

"Good thing I'm almost out then huh?" she patted his shoulder and tried to give him a gentle shove back in the direction of his friends that were hooting and hollering and cheering him on.

"Got anything else I can buy?" he asked, reaching for her, his hand pulling at her waist, his dark eyes drooping in the way they do when alcohol has begun to seep back through the pores.

"Nope, I really don't," she tried to smile as she gave him a harder shove, glaring at Trin and Veronique and the rest of the girls who were refusing to come to her rescue. This was certainly turning into a long night and there seemed to be no promise of any improvement as long as her 'friends' were going to continue to allow her to be pawed and petted by sweaty hockey players that weren't her fiancé.

"C'mon kiddo, leave the nice lady alone." Meagan turned and had to crane her neck to look up at the tall dark and very handsome man looming behind her. He smiled down at her and then reached around to tug at the collar of the Devils' player who was still trying for a kiss, his pink lips comically puckered as he swayed towards her. "C'mon Zach, there's a good boy," The big dark haired defenseman gave her a disarming smile before he manoeuvred the younger man into the thick of the crowd and away from the stagette.

"Wow...who was that?" Tess's eyes followed the tall tanned form, her mouth open.

"Sheldon Souray," Trin chuckled, putting her arms around the two women, "and you so can't handle that."

"I could try...I'd be willing to try," Tess sighed, still staring after him even though he'd long since disappeared into the darkness. Meagan laughed at her friends, feeling cheered for the first time since they'd appeared but the buoyant feeling was short lived.

"If you're here, and you're here," Meagan glanced around as she felt the panic begin to set in, "where's Taylor?"

"Don't worry," Trin grinned, patting Meagan on the back. "I think she was dancing with Ovie a minute ago."

"Noooo," Meagan tried to pull herself away but Trin and Tess both had a good grip on her.

"Oh c'mon, as if," Veronique laughed, appearing in front of them all with a tray of shots that glowed under the ultra violet lights. "Momsie womsie came to pick her up a few minutes ago. We didn't want to drag you away from Parise," she added, setting off a round of laughter at Meagan's expense, leaving her feeling only minutely better.

* * *

"You're here." He felt relief in every sinew of his body to find her stretched across the bed in her flannel pj's, remote in hand, stuffed penguin under one arm. She turned her green eyes up at him and a broad grin spread across her face.

"I snuck out," she sighed happily, sliding over on the bed and patting the space she'd just vacated on the quilt. He eased his tired body down onto the bed beside her and reached for her, tracing the familiar lines of her face with his fingertips. "The girls were all having such a good time. I doubt they've even noticed that I'm gone. Besides that kid from Jersey…what's his name, Zach something? He was hitting on me all night…," her voice trailed away as he kissed her, long and deep, smothering her lips with his.

"I'm glad you're here," he whispered against her lips, pressing his forehead to hers'. "I missed you."

"I'm glad," she whispered in return. "I have to admit I was worried that someone would talk you out of being there tomorrow. I was picturing standing in the registry office all on my own…," he chuckled and her voice trailed away, replaced by a jutting bottom lip in a perfectly formed pout.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh. It's just that I was thinking the same thing," he explained, brushing her long dark hair behind her ear and feeling his heart swelling until it pressed painfully against his ribs. She was here. She was going to be his wife. He loved her and she was going to be his wife, forever.

"Boy, are we paranoid huh?" she grinned up at him, her eyes shining. He nodded, running his fingers gently down her face until just his thumb was brushing her bottom lip.

"They had these strippers," he began, feeling his cheeks begin to flush at the memory. She pretended to be shocked, her eyes going wide before she laughed and struggled to an upright position, putting herself into his arms, her head resting against his chest. "I don't know if one of the guys arranged it but uh…they all had jerseys and it got me thinking," he tugged the jersey from the bag he'd been carrying it in. "I thought maybe you could put it on?" He offered it shyly toward her and she grinned, taking it from his hands and letting the mostly red fabric unroll to reveal the name and number.

"Price huh? So…I'm the goalie and you want to score on me is that it?" she turned to him, biting down on her bottom lip but grinning, her eyes bright with mischief.

"Something like that?" he asked hopefully as she slid towards the end of the bed, the Canadiens jersey still clutched in her hand.

"I don't know about that, I hear he's pretty good," she countered with a grin, disappearing into the bathroom and closing the door behind her. He watched the door, wanting to follow her through it, wanting to hold her skin close to his, but he stayed where he was, patiently waiting. "He's kind of a cowboy isn't he?" she called from behind the door. He laughed and tugged at the buttons on his dress shirt.

"Something like that. I think I've seen him in a Stetson once or twice," he called back, toeing off his shoes. He reached to push them away from the bed when the door opened and she stepped half way out, her smooth bare leg peeking out from behind the door jam, the red jersey hitting her mid thigh.

"Does that mean I have to stay on for eight seconds?" she grinned, stepping out onto the carpet to execute a slow deliberate twirl. Sidney's mouth went dry. Most of the guys agreed the ice girls in Dallas were the hottest. They had nothing on Meagan.

"I was kinda hoping longer?" he breathed, reaching for her hand, planning to pull her onto his lap but she danced out of his reach with a soft giggle.

"Where did you get this?" she asked, pulling at the shoulder of the jersey and sniffing at it. "It doesn't smell like you," she added. "This isn't _his_ is it?"

"No," he admitted, still holding his hand out to her. "I told you I was thinking about you and uh...there was this guy in the lobby so I asked him how much he wanted for the jersey." Sidney felt his entire face heat but he didn't get a chance to look away, she was already cradling his face in her cool hands.

"I never knew you were kinky like this," she whispered against his lips. He kissed her, pulling her down over him, falling back onto the bed.

"You mean you didn't figure it out when I played with this the first night?" He rolled her over, pinning her beneath him. His hand slipped up beneath the jersey and found the diamond dangle at her belly button. She smiled up at him, nodding.

"You _were_ a little fixated," she sighed, her eyes fluttering closed as his hand slipped down between her legs.

"You have that effect on me," he replied, pressing his lips over hers', kissing her deeply.


	26. Chapter 26

_For those of you still with me, thanks for your patience waiting for this chapter. It has been a little crazy at work lately and it's been hard to find my happy place that I need to be in to write, and especially after all the encouraging words you guys gave me after the last chapter I wanted to give you something worth reading and give the characters the right sort of treatment so I hope I managed. _

C26

"Did I hear the door?" Meagan peeked around the door of the bathroom, wrapped in one fuzzy white towel with another one just like it wrapped around her head. Sidney nodded but didn't look up from the card in his hand. Walking over to the vase full of roses, Meagan peeked back at her fiancé, and then pretended to search through the stems for a card. "Who are these from?"

"Hmmm? Oh…Bettman," Sidney tossed the card towards the foot of the bed, staring daggers after it. Meagan glanced down at the innocuous looking card and then back up at Sidney who was still staring at the inert piece of cardboard like he was trying to make it burst into flame.

"Should I ask or should I just assume it's one more plea not to go through with it?" she asked quietly, watching that tic at the corner of his jaw as he ground his molars in frustration. He didn't need to answer her. It was clear in the fury that made his hazel eyes turn dangerously dark.

"Doesn't matter," Sidney squared his shoulders and looked up at her, a plea for patience in his eyes which she met with a bemused smile.

"Well, I guess that depends if you show up or not, because if you don't…," she laughed as he launched himself at her, dragging her onto the bed and pinning her beneath his bare muscular body. He bared his teeth at her in a grin that was half threat, half mirth.

"What do you mean if _I_ don't show up? You're the one disappearing off somewhere with all your girlfriends," He kissed the tip of her nose as she squirmed beneath him.

"Well you want me to be pretty don't you? I mean, you don't think it just happens magically do you?" She offered him her lips, anything to keep his mind off of the note and the threat behind it.

"You're perfect now," he sighed, his eyes turning to liquid copper as he slid to her side, his fingertips tracing the line of her jaw. "Just the way you are. You don't need to add or change anything to make you the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." Meagan felt her heart swell in her chest and a ball of emotion rise in her throat, threatening to cut off her oxygen. Even handsome princes in fairytales weren't as sweet and romantic as the man gazing down into her eyes now. It was at times like these that she was afraid that she was going to wake up and find out that he had been nothing but an exceptionally over dramatic dream.

"Pinch me," she whispered against his lips, blinking back tears as he smiled down at her.

"Kinky," he grinned, his fingers deftly undoing the loose knot on the towel and sliding his hand beneath, finding her nipple and squeezing it between his fingers until she shuddered beneath him. Gasping, Meagan prayed he would never tire of the physical side of their relationship even if now wasn't the time to start something they didn't have time to finish.

"I just meant...do you ever wonder if this is just...too good to be true?" she asked, stilling his hand by placing hers over top. He narrowed his eyes at her, his lips pursed as his gaze searched hers'.

"You're not getting cold feet on me are you?" he asked, his voice quiet and constrained, the way it got when he was holding his emotions carefully in check. She smiled despite the turmoil making her stomach churn. She made a mental note to skip breakfast.

"There's just so much for you to lose," she whispered as she leaned into his shoulder, closing her eyes as he wrapped his arms around her.

* * *

It was true. There was no point in arguing the point. He was certain that, when word got out, there would be backlash, not least of all from all the young women in the stands that he knew were more a fan of his supposed boyish good looks than his prowess on the ice. He was gambling that his sponsors would probably be reluctant to withdraw their support. He already knew what Bettman and Troy thought, but he just didn't care about that anymore.

"There's so much for you to put up with," he countered, his lips brushing her hair as he held her close. "I'm probably more afraid that you're going to realize what a pain in the ass my life is and think better of marrying me." It was the simple truth. Everyday she stayed with him seemed like a miracle.

"You _are_ overly complicated," she mused, opening her big green eyes to glance up at him with a brief smile, "but I keep telling myself it's worth it."

"I'm glad you think so," he whispered, brushing a lock of her hair behind her ear as he gazed down at the woman who had turned his already crazy life upside down. "So you still want to do this? I know I've kind of rushed you," he asked, feeling his chest tighten as he admitted his worst fears. "If you're not ready...I mean if you feel like you still need time to get over Brad...," his voice fell away as he tore his gaze away from hers'. He could barely say the words out loud, but he had to know. It wasn't something they talked about. In fact it was a topic best avoided at all costs. Even now, he was forced to watch her turning inwards, her eyes going unfocussed and he realized he was holding his breath, waiting for at the best tears and at the worst she would leave.

He was pleasantly surprised when her gaze refocused on him and he was bathed once again in the light of her happy relaxed smile.

"Are you kidding?" She chuckled, pulling his lips down over hers' and kissing him thoroughly before breaking off the kiss to cuddle closer to him, her cheek pressing into curve of his neck. It seemed to be her preferred spot when they were close like this. Not that he minded at all. It made him feel taller, stronger, that she needed him. "I have to admit, I wasn't sure," she began and it was only the lilt of her voice that let him know she was still smiling that allowed him to relax as she spoke. "But the more time I spend with you, the more we go through, the more I know that," she lifted her eyes to meet his and he felt the ball of emotion in his throat swell when her emerald gaze met his, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, "I'm terrified of the thought of going back to being without you."

* * *

He felt stupid standing out on the red carpet waving to the fans with all the guys out on the ice where he should be but wasn't. Not that he should have to be here, Sid thought, biting on his cheek to stop from pulling a face as he thought of the way that pinch faced gnome Bettman had handled this entire weekend. He'd been made to look like a suck up _again_. Oh yeah, it was gonna be a whole lot of fun the next time they played the Wings. He was _not_ looking forward to Lidstrom calling him a teacher's pet shortly before putting him head first into the boards.

He did love coming to Montreal though. Or at least he had and now he would again. Things had been so strained between he and Troy lately that coming to Montreal the last couple of times had been at best bittersweet. He would have felt worse about today if it wasn't for the fact that he knew Meagan was sitting in some beautician's chair getting all dolled up just for him.

Well not for him. He would have asked her not to bother if he didn't know she was completely right in thinking that no matter how hard they tried, somehow, someway any pictures taken of them today would get out and find their way onto the internet. It didn't seem like he could pick his nose in private these days.

Turning and heading down the tunnel he tried to keep from slouching, tried to keep from letting the black cloud that was threatening his mood envelop him. He would spend some time with Taylor who had flatly refused to join Meagan and her friends in getting their hair and make-up done. He'd also promised Meagan he wouldn't fight with Troy. Not today anyway.

Hopefully the game would be entertaining enough that it would capture Troy's attention. He was even mulling over inviting Bettman into the suite to keep Troy occupied and that was saying something. Had his mom been here, he could have relied on her to help keep things civilized but as much as he would have liked to spend some time with her, he was glad to have her spending some quality bonding time with her soon to be daughter in law.

He'd just have to do his best he decided as he nodded towards one of the photographers he recognized. At least he had something to look forward to, that would certainly help.

"So your girlfriend not with you today champ?" Sid glanced over at the photographer who was watching him with a sort of hopeful look on his face. Sid shrugged, holding his hand up to his ear while he shook his head, having already determined that he wasn't going to answer any questions on his private life. Both he and Meagan had even turned down the idea of what Troy was certain would be a lucrative offer for photos of the wedding. Meagan had even had to walk over and take the phone out of Troy's hands to stop him from phoning Hello, even though her friends had loved the idea of being in the big glossy magazine.

"Speaking of that," a hand landed on his shoulder and he looked up to see Mario falling into stride beside him, "I had a little chat with Gary. There might be a minor change of plans."

"Change? What change?" Sid looked up into Mario's eyes, expecting to see concern but finding instead that this mentor's blue eyes were alight with mischief.

"While he's not thrilled that our mutual money train is taking a slight detour from the tracks we'd set out for him," Mario teased his protégé, grinning down on him as he steered him through the halls towards the elevators to the suites upstairs, "but he's determined that you're not getting married in some pokey little office in city hall."

"But we agreed," Sidney began to object but Mario only laughed, shaking his head as he steered his young charge into the elevator, quickly pushing the button to close the doors.

"I think this time the little troll just might be right," Mario smiled, turning his attention the numbers as they lit up just above their heads, "and I don't think any of you will mind the plan he's put in place."

* * *

"I know, I know, it's a little over the top," Meagan sighed, tilting her head to one side as she surveyed the dress in the full length mirror before her. She didn't need to see the looks on her friends' faces to know that they were shocked. Their collective silence was enough. "In my defence, when I got this I really thought I was getting married in front of the entire state of Pittsburgh and half of the province of Nova Scotia."

"Are you kidding?" Tess breathed, putting her cool hands on Meagan's bare shoulders and leaning her cheek against Meagan's. "You look like a fucking princess. I'm _so_ jealous."

"Yeah, I think I'm gonna have to reopen the argument to call Hello magazine," Trin added, stooping to tug at the hem of the full ivory and gold flecked georgette overlay of the full skirt. "Honestly Megs, it would be a crime for people not to see you in this thing." Meagan tilted her head to the other side and narrowed her eyes at her reflection.

"You don't think it's too much?" she asked, turning her attention to the always stylish Trinity who was still looking her over with an appraising eye.

"Well yeah, it's too much, but you _are_ marrying the crown prince of Canada, so really, under those conditions, can _anything_ be too much?" Meagan looked back at her reflection and considered the woman looking back at her. Nathalie had talked her into the dress, even though Meagan hadn't even wanted to try it on let alone buy it. Not that she could ever have afforded to do that on her own. Nathalie had insisted on playing 'mom' and put it on her credit card. Meagan had three credit cards and even if none of them were carrying a balance, which of course they were, she still would not have had the funds for the outrageous price on the tag.

The form fitting bodice seemed to push her boobs up into an unnaturally high place but the boning in it made her waist looks inches tinier than she'd ever seen it. But that wasn't the part she'd objected to. It was the very full, floor length skirt with the embroidered georgette overlay.

The dress itself was classic ball gown, very Cinderella and very unlike the other dress she'd stood in before when she and Brad.... She shook her head to clear the vision of herself standing in a simple ivory empire waist sheath that had cost less than a day's wage. Brad was her past.

"Sidney will think it's gorgeous," Tina wiped at a tear with the wad of Kleenex in her hand and Meagan felt herself smiling at her soon to be mother-in-law.

"Yeah well, there's no accounting for taste," Trin winked and then rolled her eyes when Tina shot her an unhappy look. Meagan couldn't help but grin and was glad that her friend still knew just how and when to say something to drag her out of her darkest places. She had a feeling she might need a little more of that kind of intervention in the next couple of hours.

* * *

"Did you see that?" Taylor leaned out of the box and pointed down at the ice. "Oooh Luongo is mad at Souray!" Sidney peered over his sister's shoulder and nodded, even though he hadn't seen it, not even on the plasma screen over his head. He didn't really want to watch the game. There was just too much going on in his head.

After Mario had got through explaining the new plan, Sidney had to agree that it made sense. He just wasn't sure how Meagan was going to feel about it. She'd been so relieved at the thought of paring down the entire wedding thing into a simple ten minute registry office event. It seemed unfair to change the plans now without even talking it through with her.

Nathalie had tried to convince him that Meagan would see the advantages to the new plan but Sidney still wasn't convinced. His hand inched towards his cell phone but Mario's arms were longer and his phone disappeared into Mario's bigger hand.

"There's someone here to see you," the big man grinned as Sidney shot him an unfriendly look. With a sigh, Sidney tried to smooth away the emotions from his expression. It seemed like too much to ask for him to be sociable now, with the game into the third period and his nuptials just more than an hour away but that was what Bettman had wanted him here for. To schmooze the advertisers, make them feel like they were getting their moneys worth.

Pushing himself to his feet and tugging his suit jacket closed, Sidney turned, ready to extend his hand to yet another stranger and found himself looking into the pale hawk nosed face of one of the people he'd been missing most.

"Army!" He shouted, practically jumping into his friend's arms.

"Well you didn't think I'd let you have that Cro-Magnon Geno as your best man did you? What was his best man speech gonna be? Your wife pretty. Me good hockey player." Army patted him on the back hard enough to knock the wind from his lungs, but Sidney didn't care. It had been way too long since they'd hung out and he couldn't think of anyone better to make the rest of the afternoon pass by more quickly than Colby.

There was just one hitch. Glancing over at Mario he found his mentor shaking his head and waving off the concern that flitted through his protégé's eyes.

"Of course I don't mind, don't worry about me," Mario laughed, his blue eyes dancing.

"C'mon, like it could be anyone else," Army laughed, thumping his friend on the back again, making Sidney cough to catch his breath. "Who helped you catch the little filly in the first place huh?"

"I thought you would be up making it like bunnies with Mel," Sidney grinned as they headed for the bar together.

"Well, I can do that anytime. Knowing you, Mr. Control Freak, this is gonna be the only time I get to see you really do something completely crazy," Army grinned conspiratorially over at him and then laughed when Sidney pulled a face. "Oh c'mon, you never just do _anything_ on the spur of the moment. I didn't believe you when you called, that's why I didn't say yes right away. I said to Mel, there is no way Sid's gonna get married just like that. You're so far from impulsive that I thought you were just gonna call up the next day and say you were kidding." Sidney regarded his friend for a long moment and then decided that he was probably telling the truth and so swallowed his argument and held his tongue. "I know you love her man," Colby added with a smile, patting Sidney on the shoulder. "I'm just giving you a hard time. I know this can't be an easy decision so I know you've probably really thought about it. I'm just saying...maybe she's really good for you if it gets the pole out of your ass you know?"

Colby ducked when Sidney swung for him. Not that he'd really intended on making contact with his fist. They knew one other too well for that. Still, Sidney had to admit that it was good to hear Colby laugh again. Being with Meagan had almost made him forget how much he missed spending time with him.

"Thanks for coming man. I mean it." Colby nodded and then reached up as if to muss his hair, making Sidney duck and squeal like a girl, which in turn made Colby howl with laughter.

"Still works _every_ time," he added, bending over and clutching at his stomach while he laughed. Sidney shot him an evil look but didn't have time to retaliate as Mario was once again at his side.

"Sorry to break things up kiddo but we've got some more guests. This suite is getting pretty full," he added with a smile as he moved aside to reveal an older couple with salt and pepper hair and awed looks on their faces. He grinned up at Mario. Was there nothing this man couldn't do?

"You must be Mr. And Mrs. Conti," he smiled warmly at them, extending his hand towards the big man with the sort of build that said he'd once been solid muscle but was beginning to soften with age. The man was still looking reverently towards Mario but managed to put his big hand in Sidney's and give it a solid shake that Sidney had to clench his teeth to stop from wincing after. "I'm glad you could make it," he added, turning to the woman who had the same dancing green eyes as her daughter. Though she was looking overwhelmed, she returned his smile with a gentle one of her own and reached out to pull him into her arms.

"So you're the one that brought our Meg back to the world," she whispered, hugging him tight. "Thank you, thank you so much."

* * *

"Ummm isn't this the wrong direction?" Meagan peered out the smoked windows of the limo, straining to read the street signs. "I'm sure when we went to get the license it was the other way from the hotel," she added, nervously picking at the crossed hockey sticks embroidered over a heart at the junction of the bodice and skirt.

"There's been just a little change in plans," Tina reached over to Pat her hand and Meagan looked up the woman's arm until she reached her face.

"Change? What kind of change?" she hissed through her teeth. As if she wasn't already on the verge of throwing up the few crackers and cheese she'd managed to keep down, now there had been a change in plans?

"Just the venue," Tina gave her hand a squeeze and then turned her attention back to the debate that Trinity and Tess seemed to be having about whether or not if Tess tied Sheldon Souray to the bed it would still be considered rape.

"What do you mean, just the venue?" Meagan asked, doing her best not to actually snap at Sidney's mother. While she still hadn't warmed to the woman, she was determined not to begin life as a member of their family with a slap fight.

"Something about security. I'm sure it's fine," Tina smiled at her, a warm mother knows best sort of smile that made Meagan's skin crawl. Brad's mother had been so different from this woman, cold and aloof and she hoped that she wasn't transferring some of her feelings about that cold hearted fish wife to Tina. To be fair Tina hadn't directly done anything to her and Meagan felt badly about feeling so negatively. She decided to put it down to nerves.

"He will be there right? I mean...Bettman won't really tie him up and kidnap will he?" she asked aloud and the limo went silent as all eyes turned to her.

"He'll be there," Trin grinned and reached over to squeeze Meagan's hand. "That kid is head over heels for you girl. He'll be there, worrying if you'll be there, I promise."

Meagan nodded and went back to watching the snow covered streets fly by.

It was just nerves she told herself. It would pass.

* * *

The rink was dark and virtually silent, apart from Army humming tunelessly beside him, the whispering of the few players who'd remained and Meagan's mother sniffing into her Kleenex. Sidney stared up into the rafters at all the banners hanging in the dark over his head. It wasn't exactly romantic, he thought with the ghost of a grin tugging at his lips, but it seemed appropriate somehow. Maybe one day, he thought to himself, his number would join those or at least hang beside Mario's in Pittsburgh and Meagan would be standing beside him, watching him give a speech about his years as a player.

He looked over at Troy who was still scowling and staring at his feet. Maybe he would forgive him this day by then. Sidney wished silently that Troy would wish him well, or at least wish him luck, but it seemed to be all he could ask for him to be here and keep his opinions to himself. Right now the only person that seemed to be as pleased as he felt was the miniature Attila the Hun. Gary was grinning and tapping his toes to the same song that Colby was humming.

Sidney opened his mouth to tell Colby to cut it out when someone hissed that they were coming. Shutting his mouth he turned to the zamboni entrance and felt his breath escape his lungs all at once. Even before the spotlight found her, he could see the golden threads in the dress catching what light there was and all of a sudden he couldn't breathe.

"Sure you don't want to make a run for it?" Colby whispered, giving Sidney a jab in the ribs with his bony elbow. "Last chance. I'll totally cover your back," he offered with a chuckle.

"I've never wanted to run less in my life," Sidney whispered, barely able to gather enough breath to speak as the light found her as she stepped carefully out onto red carpet laid over the ice. Suddenly the only other sound aside from the hammering of his heart was the muffled tap of her heels.

He was barely conscious of Geno and Ovie and the other guys like Kane and Toewes raising their sticks over her as her father lead her down the red carpet towards him. All he could see was her, the milk white round of her shoulders, the dark tumble of the chestnut waves falling gently around her cheeks, the blood red of her lips, the emerald jewels of her eyes. His heart hammered against the walls of his chest as she returned his gaze with an intense one of her own. She was concentrating on him as hard as he was on her, as if they were in their own little world and no one else existed but them.

"You look...you are so beautiful," he whispered as she reached for his hand. He felt tears springing to his eyes as she smiled beatifically up at him.

"You're pretty handsome yourself," she grinned, batting her eyelashes almost shyly as he brought the back of her hand up to his lips.

"Ready to do this?" he asked, his heart beat beginning to slow as she took her place at his side. A place he hoped she would never vacate.

"No," she shook her head laughing. "The Forum? Really?"

"I know," he sighed, leaning in to kiss her cheek. "I told you, one day I'll be able to make all the decisions for myself."

"It's okay," she took a deep breath and then turned to offer her cheek to her father who was still staring around awe struck. "I guess I should have expected something like this, prince Sidney," she teased, her green eyes dancing as she grinned at him. It was his turn to take a deep breath as they turned to the justice of the peace who was waiting patiently for them. She gave his hand a squeeze and it helped to steady his nerves as the man began to speak and the next chapter in his crazy life began.


	27. Chapter 27

C27

The room was dark when he got back from the game. Not even the lamp on his bedside table was lit. He reached across the bed but found only the rumpled comforter and cold sheets. Meagan wasn't there.

With a chuckle, he shucked his jacket and shoes and grabbed a towel from the pile by the en-suite and headed back the way he had come. He crept down the hall in socks. Not that he needed to be quiet, at least not in this part of the house. There was no one to hear him but Meagan but he liked to surprise her.

He had a pretty good idea where to find her. There were only two places she would go when she couldn't sleep; Mario's office or the pool. He knew she wouldn't be in the office. The book she was currently reading was still lying on her bedside table, so he made directly for the pool.

The only lights on were in the hot tub. He could clearly make out her silhouette in the glimmering blue glow of the water. She was resting her head on her forearms on the lip of the tub, the rest of her curves just a shadow below the surface. She was probably asleep.

Sidney stepped into the dark, careful to close the French doors quietly behind him. When she didn't so much as stir, he slipped out of his suit pants, dropping his tie and dress shirt in a heap on the floor and padded silently across the cool pavement.

As he slid into the water behind her, he let his gaze roam over her shoulders, bare because the mass of her dark hair was tied up, held up and away from the nape of her neck by one of those clips that he was always finding around the house. She was kneeling on the submerged bench, her cheek lying on her forearm, snoring softly. Smiling to himself, Sidney gently kissed the curve of her neck, and felt her back rise and fall in a shallow sigh.

"Your back," she mumbled, not turning toward him, not even raising her head to look at the intruder. He chuckled softly, running his hands down to her hips and pulling her back against him. "Mmmm I thought you would be tired," she rocked her ass back against him as he kissed his way first up and then down her neck to her shoulder.

"Never too tired for you," he whispered, his fingers deftly untying the loopy bows at the hips of her bikini bottoms.

"What are you doing?" she squirmed, reaching to still his fingers.

"I scored in the shoot-out, you're supposed to reward me," he whispered in her ear, peeling her fingers away from his and going back to the work of sliding off her bikini bottoms.

"Anyone could walk in," she hissed, craning her neck to look back at him but he only grinned and pressed his lips over hers, or as best as he could from that angle. She struggled, but gave in as he pressed himself, hard and ready, against the small of her back. He could feel the raised scarring of her tattoo under his sensitive skin. He could feel her breath quicken as he slid his hands up to cup her breasts, the water running over her skin, over his fingers as he held her against him. He heard her whisper his name, the urgency in her voice fading as he nudged his way between her thighs.

"God I miss you when I'm not home," he hissed into her ear, desperate to feel the velvet heat of her enveloping him, to hear that little cry she would always emit when he first entered her. He'd been thinking about it, dreaming about it, ever since the end of the game. Having her soft fragrant skin moving over his had been all he'd wanted the moment he'd skated off the ice. She was his solace. She was home.

He slid his hands down into her bikini top, his fingers running over her hard little nipples. Grasping them between his thumb and forefinger, he gave them a tug, relishing her soft cry as she leaned back, her head falling onto his shoulder, the wet tendrils of her hair cool against his shoulders.

That first cry always made him hungry for more. He could never get enough. He lived to score goals, yes, but he also lived to please her and when he slid the length of his cock between her legs and was rewarded by a shudder and a low moan, he found himself grinning. If he never scored another goal he could live so long as he could make this woman moan his name out loud. That alone was food for his soul.

"I love you Mrs. Crosby," he whispered, turning her so that he could sit on the submerged bench and have her astride him. He could never imagine growing tired of having her ride him. Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled down at him.

"Every time someone calls me that, I start looking for your mom," she admitted, lowering her lips and her body down to his. He gasped into her mouth as he slid up into the snug wetness inside of her. He marvelled every time at how well their bodies fit together, convinced that her body was made to fit his.

His hands slid down around her ass, not in any attempt to control the speed of their love making, but just because he could, because he liked to. He could hear the sound of water spilling over the side, but he couldn't think about that. They could clean that up later. All he could think about was the way her slick wet skin felt against his, the way it gleamed in the reflected light, the way her fingers dug into his shoulders.

He was so entranced by the silvery glow of the water trailing over his wife's full breasts that he didn't hear the door to the pool open, didn't hear the slap of bare feet on the concrete. It wasn't until he heard the gasp above them that he realized they were not alone.

* * *

She could hear the words 'I'm sorry' and 'we didn't think' over and over again from her husband's mouth and it made Meagan cringe where she stood in the hallway, still dripping, wrapped in a towel, waiting for her turn to be berated by the unhappy parents.

Not that she could blame Nathalie and Mario. Stephanie was at an impressionable age and no matter how they felt about Sidney, when it came right down to it, she and he were really no more than guests in their house. That wasn't the worst part though, Meagan knew and no amount of apologizing to Mario and Nathalie was going to make the lithe dark haired girl feel any better.

The second eldest daughter had a crush on Sidney and who could blame her? To have the pin up boy of the NHL living in your house, taking you to the mall and joining the family for dinner was undoubtedly a very big deal to an impressionable young girl but now that she was growing into a young woman, having Sidney working out in the family gym, usually without a shirt, was doubtless too tempting to ignore.

Sidney, to his credit, was all too aware of the teenager's feelings and even before Meagan pointed it out to him, he had done his best to avoid being alone with the girl or even giving her the faintest of suggestions that he had any interest other than that of an older brother.

As for Meagan, she had recognized the look in the girls' the first time they had met. Of course the steely glare that followed the moon eyed happy girlish grin at seeing Sidney had tipped her off. Though Stephanie obviously viewed her as a threat, Meagan had done her best not to rub the poor girls' nose in it. After all, it hadn't really been that long since she had been the one with an impossible crush. She could well remember making the same moon eyes at a passing senior that wouldn't even notice she was alive.

"Meg, babe?" She looked up into Sidney's hazel eyes and smiled. "You were like a hundred miles away there."

"Sorry...I guess I was trying to block all this out," she sighed, accepting the kiss he pressed to her forehead. "So...my turn?"

"No," Sidney shook his head and turned her to head back down the hall, back to their sanctuary at the other end of the house. "But I think it's time we went back to looking for our own place, don't you?"

"Yeah, but with your schedule...?" she began, linking her arm in his as they climbed the stairs together in the dark.

"I think I'd better make time," he sighed, pushing the door open for them and following her inside. "Now, where were we?" he asked with a cheeky grin, pushing the door shut with his foot as he reached out to tug on her towel.

* * *

"Stop dragging your feet. God, I've never met anyone who hates surprises as much as you," he chuckled, trying to direct her forward without moving his hands away from in front of her eyes.

"I don't want to trip," she complained, her hands held defensively in front of her, like she was getting ready to play a game of pin the tail on the donkey, not view a house. Of course she didn't know what Sidney was leading her to, and she'd been blindfolded for the last two blocks of the drive.

"I won't let you trip," he promised, stopping in the middle of the walkway where he thought they she would get the best view of the house he'd brought her to see. Well really it had been on Nathalie's short list for them, but still…. He slid his hands free and leaned in to brush his lips over the shell of her ear. "Open your eyes babe."

He heard her gasp and then felt her hand reach down to clasp his. He waited, his heart beating hard against his ribs as she stood silent before him. He'd taken the risk and put a deposit down as soon as Nathalie had shown him the photographs. He was just hoping that Meagan loved the place as much as he did.

"It's _huge_," she breathed, turning her quizzical gaze back on him. "Do we _need_ a house that big?" He grinned and kissed her softly on her forehead before steering her towards the double doors at the front of the house.

"Are you kidding? With your family coming to stay and my family coming to stay, we need _lots_ of room," he reached for the bell but the doors swung open before his finger made contact. "Hey Ben," he extended his hand towards Mario's friend who smiled broadly back at them. "This is my fia…no wait, my _wife_," he corrected himself, sliding his arm possessively around Meagan's waist, "Meagan."

"I'm glad you two could make it. This is a really nice property. There isn't much available in acreages around here. I was stoked when this one came up on the market. I knew this was exactly the kind of place that our local hero should have." Sidney felt Meagan stiffen at his side and he could guess she was bristling at the sales pitch. Giving her hand a squeeze, he gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile as they followed Ben inside. "It's very private, but you probably caught that on the drive in. You sure you're going to be able to find your way to and from the rink from here Sid?"

"I think so. The nav system got us here so I think we'll be fine," he laughed off the jibe at his lack of directional skills and continued inside. Once in the reception hall he clearly heard Meagan catch her breath. He followed her gaze up the broad curved staircase to the giant velvet Elvis painting and shook his head.

"Obviously that won't be staying," Ben chuckled as he herded them towards the great room, a sunken area overshadowed by a huge stone fireplace and cathedral ceilings. But that wasn't what Sidney wanted Meagan to see. He led her past the leather sofas and what he hoped was a fake bear skin rug on the floor, straight to the French doors that lead to the back of the property. Ben's hand was already on the latch, a bemused smile on his face. At a nod from Sidney he threw the doors open and stepped quickly aside.

"Holy shit," she breathed, reaching for Sidney's hand and squeezing it like her life depended on it. He smiled at her, watching her eyes widen, her mouth falling open in shock as she surveyed their new kingdom. He didn't have to look to know what she was seeing and he'd had a similar reaction to the pictures of the property.

"There's room to build a clinic," he began, leading her to the edge of the terrace where it fell away along a gentle slope and into a set of fenced paddocks. "There's already stables and lots of room for other things but can we not get pigs? I don't think pigs like me," he added, leaning in to brush his lips along her temple. He wasn't sure if she was even hearing him, but he could see the gears turning in her head. She was mapping out the clinic, the barn....

"It's too much," she sighed, turning her wide green eyes to him. He chuckled as he pulled her into the circle of his arms.

"If we start building in the Spring, by the time all your paperwork is cleared up you can start seeing patients right here in your own backyard. Oh, and one more thing," he disentangled himself from her and turned to find Ben waiting with the other part of his surprise, an eight week old Golden Retriever puppy. Ben handed him the squirming honey coloured bundle and he turned to Meagan and waited, expecting her to throw her arms around his neck, to laugh, to jump for joy, but she just looked up at him, her eyes brimming over with tears. "I thought we could name him something like Rufus? I just think maybe Stanley is bad luck and...," she reached up and slid her cool hands along his cheeks and kissed him squarely on the lips. He could taste the salt in her tears, but he could also feel that her full pink lips were curled up into a smile.

"This is so crazy, you know that?" she sniffed, reaching for the warm bundle of fur and tipping him onto his back so that his pink milk tummy was turned up and all four paws wriggle in mid air as if searching for purchase. She held the pup like a baby, in the crook of her arm and made cooing noises at him, before lowering her lips for the dog to lick. She laughed, the sound of Christmas bells filling the air and Sidney felt his heart hammering in his chest again. This woman, he wondered, would he ever feel less than amazed in her presence? "It's perfect," she smiled up at him, her green eyes still misty with tears. "I can already see our daughter running around back here...a pony...some puppies...." She turned her attention back to the paddocks and seemed to be explaining her plans in a hushed voice to the pup in her arms, leaving Sidney standing beside her, blinking with his mouth hanging open in shock.

"Is there...is there something you're trying to tell me?" he asked, glad to have her turn her mischievous grin his way. She batted her eyelashes at him and nodded, her cheeks turning pink as she waited for him to process the information. He opened his mouth, fully intending to ask for confirmation but as her grin grew, he found himself unable to make the words form or his tongue to move.

"You're going to be a daddy," she confirmed, her eyes shining as she offered her lips up to his, "before you go back to training camp. Don't you see how perfect it is? By the time a year goes by, we'll be parents with the whole future ahead of us. You've made everything perfect, given me everything I've ever wanted. It's just…_perfect_."

"Yes you are," he breathed, cupping her cheek in his as he felt the tears well in his own eyes. He'd never have thought in a million years this is where his life would be now. He thought he would never get over the pain of losing the cup and she'd thought she would never get over Brad, but as he looked into her eyes, he knew she was right. What they'd made, it _was_ just perfect.


End file.
